Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many troll threads these days?

Yeah this isn’t real.

I know someone with 7 kids, she doesn't get these "looks" or whatever and she is middle to lower middle class.

This isn't real.

It isn’t real but that’s not why. You don’t thinks people with 7 get looks? Look at the vitriol and attention on this thread!

She hasn't reported anything negative and of she gets any "looks" they don't bother her enough to talk about it. Lots of comments about her cute kids though.

It's obvious the OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

The WHITE birth rate is low. People like Musk thinking humans will be extinct are thinking of white people and certain countries.
Musk wants OP to have more if high iq and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3DC. I used to get comments asking if they were all mine, one must look like dad, or just “big family - you don’t see that anymore!”

Ha! I have four. Someone asked me once if DH and I needed a television for our bedroom.

[Anonymous]

17, 13 and 12 year old “babies.”

*gag*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3DC. I used to get comments asking if they were all mine, one must look like dad, or just “big family - you don’t see that anymore!”

Ha! I have four. Someone asked me once if DH and I needed a television for our bedroom.

How strange. 3 children in a family are so, so common

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's outrageous how nasty some of these responses are.

Just want to support your choices, OP. I might stare a little, but I promise it's nothing critical. Mostly it's awe you were able to do this at all. My body shut down after 2.

Oh, sweetie, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with a big family! It incites horror in the DCUM crowd because most here subscribe to the “concerted cultivation” school of parenting. As do many people out there.

I have three and it’s a bit too much given that we both work and can’t afford outsourcing but I would never give anyone a look.

Several posters have explained what is wrong with a family OP's size -- there aren't enough adults per child, they get in the way, they consume more resources, individual children may be neglected, they are noisy, they require extra accommodation. It is an imposition. You think your genetic material is so important that everyone else needs to make extra space for it? No. 1-3 kids is plenty for anyone who wants kids. After that, it's selfish.

I kind of picture you like “Annoying Orange,” just a piece of fruit with a giant mouth superimposed, only you are a shriveled sour lemon.

That's nice. But when my family is in public, people don't gawk and point because I have a normal sized family. And you'll never know that I am privately judging you for birthing a water polo team because I have the good manners not to gawk and point but I am judging you and so is almost everyone else.

Are you talking to me, the person you quoted? Or to the OP? Or are you just kind of the NPC voice of dissent in this thread?

I’m not that PP, but I agree with them. You are communicating with not one, but several (voice(s) of dissent” (ask Jeff).

And “NPC?” Are you a 12-year-old boy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry about all of us. We are just in awe at how you can handle such a big beautiful family and I loose my sh!t sometimes with two!

You’re doing great! Don’t second guess us!
Happy Summer!

I don't think most people who stare are in awe of how she does it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with a big family! It incites horror in the DCUM crowd because most here subscribe to the “concerted cultivation” school of parenting. As do many people out there.

I have three and it’s a bit too much given that we both work and can’t afford outsourcing but I would never give anyone a look.

Several posters have explained what is wrong with a family OP's size -- there aren't enough adults per child, they get in the way, they consume more resources, individual children may be neglected, they are noisy, they require extra accommodation. It is an imposition. You think your genetic material is so important that everyone else needs to make extra space for it? No. 1-3 kids is plenty for anyone who wants kids. After that, it's selfish.

😩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.

Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?

I always am curious - what do they drive?

Our neighbors have five boys. They drive the biggest SUV money can buy .. then they have one smaller car.
The mom is always ranting that she can't wait for at least one of them to drive.
They manage..She loves ALL the attention of having alllllllllllll one gender as well.

But, and this should be obvious, 5 is not 7. They need room for 2 extra people. I am unaware of any SUV that seats 9.

[Anonymous]

I'd look

Including you and your DH, you've got a baseball team right there.

[Anonymous]

My sister has 4 and loves the attention and comments. They lived in Europe for years and would get stares and points. She was the mom wearing one baby (or toddler), and/or pregnant and pushing a double stroller with the oldest standing upright on an integrated stroller step. She still speaks wistfully how she wishes they’d have had 4 more like some of her Catholic friends - one has 13.

Always driving around in the largest SUV possible like a Lincoln Navigator.

I remember hearing stories from a then-elderly neighbor who “shockingly” circa 1968 became pregnant at 43 when her oldest and only was graduating from HS. Her high school student was embarrassed. So was the mom to be. Saying all this because I do t think this shock and shame happens as much anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having seven kids is an imposition on other people. Everywhere you go, your family takes up too much space. Yes -- too much space. You go to a restaurant and you need them to put three table together just for your one family. You go to the pool or beach and you take up too much real estate and smaller families can't find space. You take up too much space walking down the street.

When people say things like "wow, how do you do it?" or "gosh, so many kids!" That is actually them being polite. They are suppressing what they actually want to say, which is that they think it was dumb and selfish of you to have that many kids and then to expect the whole world to accommodate your huge family. It's not 1950 anymore. None of your kids is dying of typhus and you didn't need to create a workforce to maintain the family farm.

You better find a way to deal with the comments and the looks because you will be getting them until all your kids are grown and gone.

Come on that’s silly. Two families of 3 kids each would take up just as much space at the beach. In fact, more. And you wouldn’t be saying anything about that.

Two families with three is totally different. More parents per child, tighter age gap within each family. Those families are not going to impose as much on the people around them because the kids are going to get what they need from their parents. They won't need special accommodations most places, and they won't expect it because they have a more typical family size.

A family with seven kids is an actual burden in the people around them. When I encounter families like this in public spaces, it's harder to move or get around them, they are louder, it's more stressful. Even if the kids are reasonably well behaved. It's just too many people for a nuclear family. If you want to do this, expect people to be aggravated with you a lot. You've done an annoying, selfish thing.

I in no way want 7 kids - I have 2 - but these responses are absurd. You are just making stuff up. You have no idea how much attention these kids get at home. I’ve seen Mormon and Orthodox large families in public and they all acted fine. My former boss had five kids and they came to the office every so often and they were well behaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having seven kids is an imposition on other people. Everywhere you go, your family takes up too much space. Yes -- too much space. You go to a restaurant and you need them to put three table together just for your one family. You go to the pool or beach and you take up too much real estate and smaller families can't find space. You take up too much space walking down the street.

When people say things like "wow, how do you do it?" or "gosh, so many kids!" That is actually them being polite. They are suppressing what they actually want to say, which is that they think it was dumb and selfish of you to have that many kids and then to expect the whole world to accommodate your huge family. It's not 1950 anymore. None of your kids is dying of typhus and you didn't need to create a workforce to maintain the family farm.

You better find a way to deal with the comments and the looks because you will be getting them until all your kids are grown and gone.

Come on that’s silly. Two families of 3 kids each would take up just as much space at the beach. In fact, more. And you wouldn’t be saying anything about that.

Two families with three is totally different. More parents per child, tighter age gap within each family. Those families are not going to impose as much on the people around them because the kids are going to get what they need from their parents. They won't need special accommodations most places, and they won't expect it because they have a more typical family size.

A family with seven kids is an actual burden in the people around them. When I encounter families like this in public spaces, it's harder to move or get around them, they are louder, it's more stressful. Even if the kids are reasonably well behaved. It's just too many people for a nuclear family. If you want to do this, expect people to be aggravated with you a lot. You've done an annoying, selfish thing.

This is nuts. You are a crazy selfish person if you can’t handle navigating around a large family when out in public. That’s a burden to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry about all of us. We are just in awe at how you can handle such a big beautiful family and I loose my sh!t sometimes with two!

You’re doing great! Don’t second guess us!
Happy Summer!

Weird you assume OP’s family is beautiful and that OP also doesn’t “loose” her shit on her kids. The parents of the big families i know are always screaming at their kids.

One of 5 here and my mother was constantly losing her sh-ee-t.
If she was the type if person who could remain calm and collected she would not have saddled herself with a passel of children in the first place.

LOLsob