When did "passed" replace "died" -- and WHY?

[Anonymous]

I don't know, but when I was a teenager and my mom suddenly died, hearing "passed away" made me feel very lonely, as if others wanted to distance themselves from what had happened to my mom, and this kind of language allowed them to do so. They could keep "died" from touching them by using euphemisms, though of course I couldn't do the same. Because she died. My mom died. She was dead.

This--"passed away"--was obviously not the only reason I felt that way, but in general, people are super uncomfortable about death and don't know what to say, so they avoid the topic or the person who is grieving, and I think the euphemistic language is just one part of that.

But for me, it's "died." Because when I was a 16 year old and my mom died, she didn't "pass": she just died. It wasn't a welcome, peaceful, soothing "passing away." It was a traumatic and sudden "died." And I really resented the soft-voiced "passed away" from people who were able to say that.

[Anonymous]

Every living thing on this earth will DIE. Passed l, Passed away, Lost, are ridiculous euphemisms for dead,!
When I hear someone say they lost a loved one. I always think of Oscar Wilde and "The Importance of Being Earnest,"

"To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Died” is obviously painful for a lot of people and I have no intention of quibbling with them.

Exactly. Use the term that the person who lost their loved one prefers. If you had a loved one die, and want to use the word 'die', then that's great, I will say that. If you prefer 'passed', 'passed away', 'transitioned', 'graduated', I will use whatever chosen word with you.

Have some empathy for the person whose loved one died.

Chalking this thread up to a bored DCUM audience on a holiday weekend.

[Anonymous]

If someone said 'sorry your mother died' I'd feel offended- it just sounds uncaring/blunt. I prefer passed for that reason. But if you are speaking about (not to) the affected person, died would be fine.

-British family who used/uses passed/passed on/passed away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from New York (Catholic) and always said died. My Jewish friends did sometimes us “passed away”. Of If I am referring to someone in my life, I always say “my MIL died”. However, if it is someone in your life and I haven’t heard you use any term, I say “I’m sorry your father passed away” because I don’t want to upset you further if “passed away” is your custom. I also say “passed away” if I’m in a large group (unless it’s my family, and the who knows what we’ll say and “kicked the bucket” is not out of the realm of possibility). I have heard “gone home” more and more frequently in Christian religious circles.

I’m at the point where “passed away” no longer grates on me, but the other ones do. However, the only thing I say is “I’m sorry”.

I have heard homegoing too.

Language has history and it evolves and changes. The people who insist on one word are silly.

Like PP, if I am describing a situation close to me, I use died. But if I am offering condolences before I hear a person use the term, I write a version of the word “pass.” “I am so sorry to hear that your sister passed away earlier this week.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every living thing on this earth will DIE. Passed l, Passed away, Lost, are ridiculous euphemisms for dead,!
When I hear someone say they lost a loved one. I always think of Oscar Wilde and "The Importance of Being Earnest,"

"To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

Nothing makes “died” the best word over all others. Having multiple words makes language richer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it as well. It already feels like there’s such a taboo around death, and this word makes it even worse

+1

It’s so dumb. Just say “died” FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every living thing on this earth will DIE. Passed l, Passed away, Lost, are ridiculous euphemisms for dead,!
When I hear someone say they lost a loved one. I always think of Oscar Wilde and "The Importance of Being Earnest,"

"To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

Nothing makes “died” the best word over all others. Having multiple words makes language richer.

There are plenty of alternatives that don’t sound dumb AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some think that “dead” and “died” sound harsh. “Oh your family’s all dead?” doesn’t have the comforting tone that’s, perhaps, intended. I think people may get stuck between “passed on” and “passed away” and even “crossed over” — so they stop at “passed” to avoid saying something that feels wrong.

Language isn’t static, so if well-read and well-spoken people have shifted to this usage then perhaps it’s not generally seen as “sloppy”.

But death is harsh? My dad DIED. I don't feel like making that less harsh. It was harsh. It's been almost four years and I still miss him so much. Saying he passed is like oh he's just somewhere else. I don't really want people thinking it's not a big deal.

There are some things far worse than death. I had a family member die of bone cancer and her pain was excruciating.

[Anonymous]

I’m 48 and have heard passed/passed away for as long as I can remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone said 'sorry your mother died' I'd feel offended- it just sounds uncaring/blunt. I prefer passed for that reason. But if you are speaking about (not to) the affected person, died would be fine.

-British family who used/uses passed/passed on/passed away.

“Died” is not politically correct. Therefore, you are not allowed to use it.