When did "passed" replace "died" -- and WHY?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 80, and it seems to me like this has come about in the last 30 years or so.

I lost my husband recently.

I still say "died." It's kind of amusing to see peoples' shocked reaction. Sometimes I choose to modify it to "passed away" if I think the d-word would be perceived as harsh, but you'll never hear me saying just "passed."

Remember "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency"? In that setting, the deceased were "late," as in "My husband is late." Definitely not meaning "He'll be here eventually."

NP here. I agree that it’s been about 30 years. I grew up out West (CA and HI), dad was from DC area and everyone said “died.” In last 30 years, heard both “passed away” and “passed on.” Lately, I’ve heard “graduated” from evangelistic Christians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why? Because language evolves.

I have a job where references to death come up a lot, and a lot of the younger people say "passed."

Very curious what your job is.

[Anonymous]

I prefer ‘croaked’

[Anonymous]

IDK. My mom died of cancer last month, and I'm not afraid to use those words. You'd be surprised how many people who have reached out to offer their condolences try to dance around that language like it changes anything. It's awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some platforms flag “died” posts. So people use alternative words. Jeff flags some words like this here, it is fairly normal….but please don’t block “died,” Jeff!

But people say it IRL! More often than the actual word, it seems. I fear that "died' is going to become old fashioned or, I dunno, crude, and "passed" is going to become the norm.

OP asked why people are making this change. The answer is social media filters. That flows into other areas and common practices as well. Read Foucault.

This is wrong.

I was taught that it is more formal/respectful to say passed away instead of died decades before social media.

I believe passed is regional.

[Anonymous]

I will take croaked or unalived any day over passed (gas).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why? Because language evolves.

I have a job where references to death come up a lot, and a lot of the younger people say "passed."

Very curious what your job is.

Not PP, but I'm a nurse and have noticed lots of coworkers use passed as well. I think when notifying someone of their family member's death, it sounds more gentle than died. I had to call A LOT of people during Covid to let them know their family member had died and I tend to say "passed away".

[Anonymous]

It's a reflection of the impact of social media filters on real world language. "Unalived" is probably the most notorious, and it's reflective of how TikTok and Instagram control how we communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a reflection of the impact of social media filters on real world language. "Unalived" is probably the most notorious, and it's reflective of how TikTok and Instagram control how we communicate.

Again, “passed,” although I agree with OP that “passed away” or “passed on” is better, has been around for like hundreds of years. So has “lost” - one of the characters in “The Importance of Being Earnest” quips after being informed that Jack Worthing has “lost” both his parents - “to lose both looks like carelessness.”

This whole convo is reminding me of this classic Roseanne bit:

[Anonymous]

I was born and raised in MD in the 90s and my white family has always said this since I was a kid. I use both depending on who I am talking to but I never thought it was weird. I always know what someone means when they say someone passed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in Chicago and this is something only black people say. Along with "I appreciate you" instead of thank you, and "have a blessed day." I have never heard a white person say that someone "passed". The euphemism they might use is "lost" as in "I lost my brother to cancer last year."

I'm white. All my life, my relatives and friends have said "passed away". Maybe it's a British thing.

The expression I don't like is "sorry for your loss", as if the speaker can't remember my relative's name. It sounds like a comment about financial statements rather than about grief.

This is weird. I'll never criticize anyone for saying anything to me about a recent death.

[Anonymous]

Saying just “passed” seems as though the person is too lazy to say the second word of the phrase, either “away” or “on.” How hard is it to say one more small word?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some platforms flag “died” posts. So people use alternative words. Jeff flags some words like this here, it is fairly normal….but please don’t block “died,” Jeff!

Why?

[Anonymous]

Now that I've moved to the south, I like to use whimsical phrases like "he’s caught the last train to the good Lord’s porch," and "she traded her boots for angel wings." And so on, and so forth.

[Anonymous]

I hear people say lost. I lost my mom. I lost my dad.