When did "passed" replace "died" -- and WHY?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 15th century England.

Those aholes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some think that “dead” and “died” sound harsh. “Oh your family’s all dead?” doesn’t have the comforting tone that’s, perhaps, intended. I think people may get stuck between “passed on” and “passed away” and even “crossed over” — so they stop at “passed” to avoid saying something that feels wrong.

Language isn’t static, so if well-read and well-spoken people have shifted to this usage then perhaps it’s not generally seen as “sloppy”.

But death is harsh? My dad DIED. I don't feel like making that less harsh. It was harsh. It's been almost four years and I still miss him so much. Saying he passed is like oh he's just somewhere else. I don't really want people thinking it's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some think that “dead” and “died” sound harsh. “Oh your family’s all dead?” doesn’t have the comforting tone that’s, perhaps, intended. I think people may get stuck between “passed on” and “passed away” and even “crossed over” — so they stop at “passed” to avoid saying something that feels wrong.

Language isn’t static, so if well-read and well-spoken people have shifted to this usage then perhaps it’s not generally seen as “sloppy”.

But death is harsh? My dad DIED. I don't feel like making that less harsh. It was harsh. It's been almost four years and I still miss him so much. Saying he passed is like oh he's just somewhere else. I don't really want people thinking it's not a big deal.

I think that's a fair opinion, but the reverse has also been really common. "Requiescat in pace" on tombstones is euphemistic, as is "kicked the bucket" or "bought the farm." The Romans would use "vixit," "he lived" as a way of saying they someone died. The ways we talk about death can be weird and there's definitely a tension between people, like you, who prefer directness and those who don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in Chicago and this is something only black people say. Along with "I appreciate you" instead of thank you, and "have a blessed day." I have never heard a white person say that someone "passed". The euphemism they might use is "lost" as in "I lost my brother to cancer last year."

I'm white. All my life, my relatives and friends have said "passed away". Maybe it's a British thing.

The expression I don't like is "sorry for your loss", as if the speaker can't remember my relative's name. It sounds like a comment about financial statements rather than about grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in Chicago and this is something only black people say. Along with "I appreciate you" instead of thank you, and "have a blessed day." I have never heard a white person say that someone "passed". The euphemism they might use is "lost" as in "I lost my brother to cancer last year."

Oh, my very white MIL says "passed!" She's from Cincinnati. I have heard passed away, but she never uses the whole phrase. I'm from the New York area; we always say "died."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some platforms flag “died” posts. So people use alternative words. Jeff flags some words like this here, it is fairly normal….but please don’t block “died,” Jeff!

What?! While what you are saying is true about some platforms, that is NOT the origin of "passed" as in died. OMG you people live under rocks or what?

[Anonymous]

Yeah my white older MIL is the person I know that says this regularly. I don't think we can blame social media for this one.

[Anonymous]

I'm 80, and it seems to me like this has come about in the last 30 years or so.

I lost my husband recently.

I still say "died." It's kind of amusing to see peoples' shocked reaction. Sometimes I choose to modify it to "passed away" if I think the d-word would be perceived as harsh, but you'll never hear me saying just "passed."

Remember "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency"? In that setting, the deceased were "late," as in "My husband is late." Definitely not meaning "He'll be here eventually."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 80, and it seems to me like this has come about in the last 30 years or so.

I lost my husband recently.

I still say "died." It's kind of amusing to see peoples' shocked reaction. Sometimes I choose to modify it to "passed away" if I think the d-word would be perceived as harsh, but you'll never hear me saying just "passed."

Remember "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency"? In that setting, the deceased were "late," as in "My husband is late." Definitely not meaning "He'll be here eventually."

"Passed away" has been around for centuries. "Passed" seems much more American.

Do you say someone like "I was given this vase by my late sister"? Death notices often say "wife of the late John Smith".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in DC and “passed” was very common. Maybe it’s regional?

Baltimore City as well. my Black friends always said passed.

[Anonymous]

Ugh - I hate it too. Makes me feel like people who can’t/wont deal with reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Passed away and passed on have been around forever and have nothing to do with social media filters.

+1

[Anonymous]

Din"t forget the rainbow bridge for the pets who have passed.

[Anonymous]

Why? Because language evolves.

I have a job where references to death come up a lot, and a lot of the younger people say "passed."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a social media thing. At some point, people seem to have decided that saying someone died was too harsh.

"At some point", yes the 15th century.