Custody evaluation report

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

I’m sorry, OP. This was a friend’s experience, too. The evaluator took her abusive ex’s word for things and had a ridiculous double standard that was clear to anyone reading the report. It was eye-opening and mindblowing to me.

Reviving this thread because my STBX just dropped $30k on the report we just got back because he’s angry that DC sees him weekly but isn’t happy to see him. The proposed plan will flip custody to supposedly repair their bond and has 3 month phases where he gets a day more each phase starting with long weekends. During the weekends the report says I will have a communications blackout and am not allowed to contact or be contacted by DC or be wherever they are. If the child complains or expresses hesitation that can lead to full custody automatically. They dismissed the existence of a protective order and major mental health issues.

Way beyond any worst case scenario my attorney prepared me for. I felt I didn’t have a choice because it was filed to strike a hearing in which my husband filed for 100% custody but I would go to that hearing if I had a time machine. Now my elderly relative is cashing out funds so I can hire my own expert to pick the report apart, but of course the conversation is now anchored by unscientific garbled nonsense.

If you are searching for info about evaluations and ended up here: do not ever, ever agree to one. Evaluators are third rate hacks who couldn’t pass the Bar or couldn’t build a clinical practice as a PP said.

That’s why you don’t risk a war in court and try to compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Modification : You are could be … likely to lose

Can’t you think up something you can live with and propose it to him (at least) three weeks before trial ? or even before hand (now)

Court is Lose lose

What if the kids can't live with it? They have seen him be abusive to me. The neither trust nor respect him anymore. They are smart and for the first time living in a peaceful house.

If you don't want him involved, split all assets and debt 50-50 and waive all child support, health insurance, activities and other expenses so that you are the sole parent. You tell the kids in front of him he wants a relationship with them and you don't want him to and YOU are cutting them off. Simple.

Ridiculous. He chose his behavior and they have a right to set boundaries. He must pay child support, insurance, etc and accept their feelings as valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

I’m sorry, OP. This was a friend’s experience, too. The evaluator took her abusive ex’s word for things and had a ridiculous double standard that was clear to anyone reading the report. It was eye-opening and mindblowing to me.

Reviving this thread because my STBX just dropped $30k on the report we just got back because he’s angry that DC sees him weekly but isn’t happy to see him. The proposed plan will flip custody to supposedly repair their bond and has 3 month phases where he gets a day more each phase starting with long weekends. During the weekends the report says I will have a communications blackout and am not allowed to contact or be contacted by DC or be wherever they are. If the child complains or expresses hesitation that can lead to full custody automatically. They dismissed the existence of a protective order and major mental health issues.

Way beyond any worst case scenario my attorney prepared me for. I felt I didn’t have a choice because it was filed to strike a hearing in which my husband filed for 100% custody but I would go to that hearing if I had a time machine. Now my elderly relative is cashing out funds so I can hire my own expert to pick the report apart, but of course the conversation is now anchored by unscientific garbled nonsense.

If you are searching for info about evaluations and ended up here: do not ever, ever agree to one. Evaluators are third rate hacks who couldn’t pass the Bar or couldn’t build a clinical practice as a PP said.

That’s why you don’t risk a war in court and try to compromise.

Fully agree. Sadly I never wanted to go to court. He filed for the hearing hours after my petition response and was unresponsive to any attempts to compromise or negotiate. I thought of him as mild mannered but have learned there’s a certain personality type that gets validation and a high from litigation and they can’t stop chasing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

You should have done more to work with the kids vs just say it’s not fine to go to dads including giving consequences for not cooperating. The evaluations are a joke as they don’t fact check on either side and it’s basically a few hours of he said, she said with a lot of bias thrown in. Kids need both parents even if one parent isn’t great.

All of this. I’m the $30k PP and currently picking apart a joke report full of factual errors, multiple iterations of misspellings of my own very basic name, amplifications of DH’s stories and his mom’s stories (in spite of the evaluator saying she would accept family as collaterals), and then a lot of vague billing hours for “draft”, “draft”, “draft”, “draft.” It’s a sick business. Avoid at all costs.

[Anonymous]

What worked for me was I agreed to 50:50 on paper but said I’d be happy to have the kid during the week and won’t ask for more support or anything. The lazy ex agreed and was happy to pawn off the kid on me with no consequence.
It won’t work with every ex but it’s worth considering. He tells everyone we have 50:50 and I just roll my eyes internally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

You should have done more to work with the kids vs just say it’s not fine to go to dads including giving consequences for not cooperating. The evaluations are a joke as they don’t fact check on either side and it’s basically a few hours of he said, she said with a lot of bias thrown in. Kids need both parents even if one parent isn’t great.

All of this. I’m the $30k PP and currently picking apart a joke report full of factual errors, multiple iterations of misspellings of my own very basic name, amplifications of DH’s stories and his mom’s stories (in spite of the evaluator saying she would accept family as collaterals), and then a lot of vague billing hours for “draft”, “draft”, “draft”, “draft.” It’s a sick business. Avoid at all costs.

It’s all subjective and he could have paid the evaluator more or who knows what. No evaluator is unbiased and usually these evaluations are manipulated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

You should have done more to work with the kids vs just say it’s not fine to go to dads including giving consequences for not cooperating. The evaluations are a joke as they don’t fact check on either side and it’s basically a few hours of he said, she said with a lot of bias thrown in. Kids need both parents even if one parent isn’t great.

All of this. I’m the $30k PP and currently picking apart a joke report full of factual errors, multiple iterations of misspellings of my own very basic name, amplifications of DH’s stories and his mom’s stories (in spite of the evaluator saying she would accept family as collaterals), and then a lot of vague billing hours for “draft”, “draft”, “draft”, “draft.” It’s a sick business. Avoid at all costs.

It’s all subjective and he could have paid the evaluator more or who knows what. No evaluator is unbiased and usually these evaluations are manipulated.

He paid for 100% of it while crying poor to me. But at least with the latter his own attorney told him to shut up and transfer the money for our bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

You should have done more to work with the kids vs just say it’s not fine to go to dads including giving consequences for not cooperating. The evaluations are a joke as they don’t fact check on either side and it’s basically a few hours of he said, she said with a lot of bias thrown in. Kids need both parents even if one parent isn’t great.

All of this. I’m the $30k PP and currently picking apart a joke report full of factual errors, multiple iterations of misspellings of my own very basic name, amplifications of DH’s stories and his mom’s stories (in spite of the evaluator saying she would accept family as collaterals), and then a lot of vague billing hours for “draft”, “draft”, “draft”, “draft.” It’s a sick business. Avoid at all costs.

It’s all subjective and he could have paid the evaluator more or who knows what. No evaluator is unbiased and usually these evaluations are manipulated.

He paid for 100% of it while crying poor to me. But at least with the latter his own attorney told him to shut up and transfer the money for our bills.

There is your problem. He paid. Between court, his expenses, child support he may be struggling financially. He should not be transferring money for your bills. You pay your bills, he pays his. They are no longer our bills. They are your bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

You should have done more to work with the kids vs just say it’s not fine to go to dads including giving consequences for not cooperating. The evaluations are a joke as they don’t fact check on either side and it’s basically a few hours of he said, she said with a lot of bias thrown in. Kids need both parents even if one parent isn’t great.

All of this. I’m the $30k PP and currently picking apart a joke report full of factual errors, multiple iterations of misspellings of my own very basic name, amplifications of DH’s stories and his mom’s stories (in spite of the evaluator saying she would accept family as collaterals), and then a lot of vague billing hours for “draft”, “draft”, “draft”, “draft.” It’s a sick business. Avoid at all costs.

It’s all subjective and he could have paid the evaluator more or who knows what. No evaluator is unbiased and usually these evaluations are manipulated.

He paid for 100% of it while crying poor to me. But at least with the latter his own attorney told him to shut up and transfer the money for our bills.

There is your problem. He paid. Between court, his expenses, child support he may be struggling financially. He should not be transferring money for your bills. You pay your bills, he pays his. They are no longer our bills. They are your bills.

Not PP, but guessing that was not in fact the case since his own lawyer directed him to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What worked for me was I agreed to 50:50 on paper but said I’d be happy to have the kid during the week and won’t ask for more support or anything. The lazy ex agreed and was happy to pawn off the kid on me with no consequence.
It won’t work with every ex but it’s worth considering. He tells everyone we have 50:50 and I just roll my eyes internally

This was my experience, although I'm the dad. And I had to pay the higher child support. Fun times. They were with me 90% of the time and occasionally visited their mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

You should have done more to work with the kids vs just say it’s not fine to go to dads including giving consequences for not cooperating. The evaluations are a joke as they don’t fact check on either side and it’s basically a few hours of he said, she said with a lot of bias thrown in. Kids need both parents even if one parent isn’t great.

All of this. I’m the $30k PP and currently picking apart a joke report full of factual errors, multiple iterations of misspellings of my own very basic name, amplifications of DH’s stories and his mom’s stories (in spite of the evaluator saying she would accept family as collaterals), and then a lot of vague billing hours for “draft”, “draft”, “draft”, “draft.” It’s a sick business. Avoid at all costs.

It’s all subjective and he could have paid the evaluator more or who knows what. No evaluator is unbiased and usually these evaluations are manipulated.

He paid for 100% of it while crying poor to me. But at least with the latter his own attorney told him to shut up and transfer the money for our bills.

There is your problem. He paid. Between court, his expenses, child support he may be struggling financially. He should not be transferring money for your bills. You pay your bills, he pays his. They are no longer our bills. They are your bills.

Not PP, but guessing that was not in fact the case since his own lawyer directed him to pay.

If you are divorcing, you need to pay your own bills. Time to grow up and take responsibility. If he is paying for two households on one income, of course he is going to struggle financially. Maybe there is more to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

You should have done more to work with the kids vs just say it’s not fine to go to dads including giving consequences for not cooperating. The evaluations are a joke as they don’t fact check on either side and it’s basically a few hours of he said, she said with a lot of bias thrown in. Kids need both parents even if one parent isn’t great.

All of this. I’m the $30k PP and currently picking apart a joke report full of factual errors, multiple iterations of misspellings of my own very basic name, amplifications of DH’s stories and his mom’s stories (in spite of the evaluator saying she would accept family as collaterals), and then a lot of vague billing hours for “draft”, “draft”, “draft”, “draft.” It’s a sick business. Avoid at all costs.

Did you offer him 50-50 at the beginning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex asked for evaluation and it was free through the court. Just got the recommendations. Not in my favor in spite of the fact that evaluator could not observe the kids with ex as kids refused to leave car when I brought him to his house. So now I have to tear apart the report poke holes and show the bias which is doable but will take time and energy. Evaluator also did not put in kids preferences in report. And did not check many things that were verifiable. He just took ex words as truth. Ex said he was a coach for sports and that was a total lie.

You should have done more to work with the kids vs just say it’s not fine to go to dads including giving consequences for not cooperating. The evaluations are a joke as they don’t fact check on either side and it’s basically a few hours of he said, she said with a lot of bias thrown in. Kids need both parents even if one parent isn’t great.

All of this. I’m the $30k PP and currently picking apart a joke report full of factual errors, multiple iterations of misspellings of my own very basic name, amplifications of DH’s stories and his mom’s stories (in spite of the evaluator saying she would accept family as collaterals), and then a lot of vague billing hours for “draft”, “draft”, “draft”, “draft.” It’s a sick business. Avoid at all costs.

Did you offer him 50-50 at the beginning?

It sounds like she wants full custody for the money and all her and the kid expenses paid for. That’s probably why. She not stepping up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That case is stomach turning. The guys was controlling and mean to the mother so she gets primary custody and gets to move away?

That has nothing to do with the child.

abusive to mother, neglectful of child (child consumed alcohol, choked on dog food)