Custody evaluation report

[Anonymous]

A custody evaluator is NOT your therapist. That’s the thing you need to know going into one. Tell them facts, preferably ones that can be verified by others, and if you have to mention feelings do it briefly and neutrally.

If you need a therapist to vent and cry to about it get one. Do NOT act like the custody evaluator cares about you at all. They’re just writing a report.

I had one that went very well (another state, years ago), because I just told him what happened. No feelings, just facts. He saw the kid, kid was fine (also kid was a baby, so couldn’t talk other than saying Bus or Cat), and my ex tried to feed a lot of BS (like said I breastfed for too long, so the guy asked about nursing and I said “yes baby is still nursing, and eating solids 2-3x per day but he’s been a little slow to get enough calories from it so he’s still nursing X times a day” - the evaluator said that it was still developmentally appropriate to be nursing and he wasn’t concerned).

But I only gave facts. I didn’t get emotional. I didn’t say anything negative about my ex - I let the guy draw his own conclusions based on the facts I gave him.

[Anonymous]

Mine was paid for by Father. Then he provided emails and a package “evidence” that he gathered about me to the Evaluator. This was in Virginia. I felt the report was one-sided and biased.

At the end, the judge felt the same way. But I found it to be needlessly painful to endure, especially since I had to “respond to allegations” from my ex/father nearly the entire time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A custody evaluator is NOT your therapist. That’s the thing you need to know going into one. Tell them facts, preferably ones that can be verified by others, and if you have to mention feelings do it briefly and neutrally.

If you need a therapist to vent and cry to about it get one. Do NOT act like the custody evaluator cares about you at all. They’re just writing a report.

I had one that went very well (another state, years ago), because I just told him what happened. No feelings, just facts. He saw the kid, kid was fine (also kid was a baby, so couldn’t talk other than saying Bus or Cat), and my ex tried to feed a lot of BS (like said I breastfed for too long, so the guy asked about nursing and I said “yes baby is still nursing, and eating solids 2-3x per day but he’s been a little slow to get enough calories from it so he’s still nursing X times a day” - the evaluator said that it was still developmentally appropriate to be nursing and he wasn’t concerned).

But I only gave facts. I didn’t get emotional. I didn’t say anything negative about my ex - I let the guy draw his own conclusions based on the facts I gave him.

Tell me this is not abnormal?? Right in the middle of a contentious divorce, you are supposed to be stoic when discussing children and an unexpected custody battle. This is tragic.

I never understood why these super important (and devastatingly expensive) custody decisions are pushed and made permanent in court during a highly emotional and irrational time. It literally makes no sense.

A lot of fathers and mothers are screwed over. A lot of children are emotionally hurt and stuck for a period of time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the advice. I have been quite even keeled. Ex accusing me of parental alienation without any facts. We are in the same state but I am asking to move away with the kids before anything gets decided as then I hear it is much harder.

[Anonymous]

This is a cluster \#*#^? decision

This now makes sense

By asking to move away with the kids — at any time — when you are NOT in lock step is a recipe for a lot of fighting in the courts

Think about it: Courts sometimes get the wrong defendant. You better believe sometimes they mess up custody. Have you read all of the appeals cases in your state yet? Go to your county site and read the ones with the same last name (eg Kramer v Kramer). It’s a hot mess in every state

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice. I have been quite even keeled. Ex accusing me of parental alienation without any facts. We are in the same state but I am asking to move away with the kids before anything gets decided as then I hear it is much harder.

I’m not a judge, but just based on what YOU said, I’d be like “eh, yeah, let’s hear him out.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice. I have been quite even keeled. Ex accusing me of parental alienation without any facts. We are in the same state but I am asking to move away with the kids before anything gets decided as then I hear it is much harder.

I don’t know anything but the 50 words you wrote. To me, this alone sound like near slam dunk alienation and barring access. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have, they recommended full custody remain with me and judge respected their recommendation.

I have been through it as well, in another state. I asked for and was given primary custody. It was a terrible process and quite expensive but we settled after 2.5 years based on the report

[Anonymous]

Please don't move and take your kids away from their dad. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A custody evaluator is NOT your therapist. That’s the thing you need to know going into one. Tell them facts, preferably ones that can be verified by others, and if you have to mention feelings do it briefly and neutrally.

If you need a therapist to vent and cry to about it get one. Do NOT act like the custody evaluator cares about you at all. They’re just writing a report.

I had one that went very well (another state, years ago), because I just told him what happened. No feelings, just facts. He saw the kid, kid was fine (also kid was a baby, so couldn’t talk other than saying Bus or Cat), and my ex tried to feed a lot of BS (like said I breastfed for too long, so the guy asked about nursing and I said “yes baby is still nursing, and eating solids 2-3x per day but he’s been a little slow to get enough calories from it so he’s still nursing X times a day” - the evaluator said that it was still developmentally appropriate to be nursing and he wasn’t concerned).

But I only gave facts. I didn’t get emotional. I didn’t say anything negative about my ex - I let the guy draw his own conclusions based on the facts I gave him.

It’s inappropriate to refuse custody to the child’s dad over breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice. I have been quite even keeled. Ex accusing me of parental alienation without any facts. We are in the same state but I am asking to move away with the kids before anything gets decided as then I hear it is much harder.

Another poster who thinks this opens you up to accusations of parental alienation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice. I have been quite even keeled. Ex accusing me of parental alienation without any facts. We are in the same state but I am asking to move away with the kids before anything gets decided as then I hear it is much harder.

I don’t know anything but the 50 words you wrote. To me, this alone sound like near slam dunk alienation and barring access. Good luck

Moving away is a form of alienation. What are you offering him? He should get every school vacation, every three day weekend and all summer and you should pay the travel costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice. I have been quite even keeled. Ex accusing me of parental alienation without any facts. We are in the same state but I am asking to move away with the kids before anything gets decided as then I hear it is much harder.

I don’t know anything but the 50 words you wrote. To me, this alone sound like near slam dunk alienation and barring access. Good luck

Moving away is a form of alienation. What are you offering him? He should get every school vacation, every three day weekend and all summer and you should pay the travel costs.

No if she’s moving away just because she wants to deny him the kids, then he should get primary custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice. I have been quite even keeled. Ex accusing me of parental alienation without any facts. We are in the same state but I am asking to move away with the kids before anything gets decided as then I hear it is much harder.

I don’t know anything but the 50 words you wrote. To me, this alone sound like near slam dunk alienation and barring access. Good luck

Moving away is a form of alienation. What are you offering him? He should get every school vacation, every three day weekend and all summer and you should pay the travel costs.

No if she’s moving away just because she wants to deny him the kids, then he should get primary custody.

I have seen a judge make this ruling in - county in So. Virginia. The mom moved closer to family, but away from Father. That is what some parents do when they convince themselves that they are “single parents” during or after the divorce. I have seen and read about judges “flipping primary custody.”

Then again, in Fairfax Va, I read an appeals case where the teacher secured a job teaching job in Michigan. Dad lost that appeal. Sad but true. The family custody rulings are all over the place.

[Anonymous]

This may or may not be the same Michigan Virginia child moving case. I read so many

https://www.vacourts.gov/static/opinions/opncavwp/0124234.pdf

Anyhoo, you can spot off a lot of trends after reading these cases. People go bananas and each of these hearings cost 5-10 K. Just rhe hearing. If that is not the definition of bananas, I don’t know what is!