Quitting varsity sport mid season

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the kid does not feel it is worth the time let them quit. This will have no impact on “building” character or anything else.

Resigning from the team will build character: too many people do not have the confidence or skill to get out of bad situations, whether it's relationships, abusive family members, employers, etc.

100%

My kid faced a really, really sh*tty situation with a varsity sport/coach/program. It was really uncalled for, supremely unfair to many kids.

We were there to support and guide and ultimately let him decide how he wanted to go forward.

It takes A LOT of guts and backbone for a 16/17 year old to approach a HS coach all by himself in a respectful manner to demand answers and get to say their piece, particularly when there has been intimidation tactics and avoidance on the coaching side.

The takeaway from doing that builds enormous confidence and respect. We saw our kid grow tremendously going through something like this. And he blossomed in the years following. Mutual respect was formed on both sides.

I was very proud of the way he handled it all by himself and the way he moved on from it. Frankly, I would have had so much anger I would not have had the same composure, nor would I have had the confidence to approach it as he did. Really after that experience, nothing fazes him anymore.

He has very strong principles and developed a strong backbone and this gave him grit to move on to bigger and better things, even in the same sport.

You think quitting because disappointed in playing time is some great moral stand? Because that is what op described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t going to look any different on the common app if they quit now or at the end of the season.

But there is a lot to be said for being the sort of person that honors their commitments even if they aren’t fun. The commitment they made was for the season, with no promises of playing time. I would encourage my kid to play through the end of the season with the absolute best attitude and effort they can possibly put forward.

College Advisor at the school who writes the school's recommendation letter, will know and could include it.

I literally laughed out loud at the concept that the college advisor at a large public school would (a) know that a junior started and quit a sport mid-season and (b) would remember that a year later and then actually include that on the letter. You are insane to suggest this.

You aren't a teacher, are you? Any family in the business? Mine has been teaching since the 1950s. One just recently retired from MCPS in 2020. Teachers absolutely talk about the kids. Are you you kidding? If you think all the drama is spread on Instagram and YouTube then you've never been in a teacher's lounge

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer your question, just don’t list in under the EC section of the common app for this year. That being said, his counselor will write a recommendation for him, as will two teachers, and you want to make sure they do not discuss this as a lack of character and commitment. If you truly want your child to quit mid-season, instead of just not attending practice when he has tests, he needs to go talk to his counselor beforehand and ask their take on it. Okay, now for the morals lesson you do not want to hear, you are teaching your child to quit. Although he is not playing in the games, he is there practicing and the team relies on him being there for practice to field enough kids to scrimmage. His participation is important to the team, whether he plays in the games or not. You are not always going to be the best and you are not always going to get the chance to play, but he should honor his commitment to the team for the rest of the season. Then, please do not let him participate again.

Best post in this thread.

If you believe in misplaced priorities. You all seem to be focused on the team and have forgotten the harm OP said is being done to the child. Where is your concern for the child's well being?

What harm? OP said they got on a school team (which is to be celebrated) but isn't a starter yet. How is that harmful? They said they have to study later into the night but that is exactly what all of their teammates do.

This. My biggest pet peeve are the parents who let their kid stay home to finish a big paper that is due or otherwise gives them a pass. There are kids who do theater and practie into the night, and other kids who play sports and practice into the night. And they use their time to maximize doing homework and other activities - babysit, care for a grandparent, work to earn money, whatever. They all figure it out. OP's kid is no different, but wants to be treated differently by bagging out on a commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t report the sport as an EC or put as filler at the end with one less year of participation. How will a college know anything about quitting?

My kids' private schools (2 different high schools) put sports on the transcript.

The rest of us don't seem to have that problem

Ours does as well, and follows rhe teacher/coach model so definitely would likely affect kid’s reputation and references of kid quite mid season. I don’t think op’s son will be able to keep this season on his activity list regardless if he quits. Is he really going to add another extracurricular immediately

Surprised this hasn’t come up yet but he likely took a place from another kid to get on the team in the first place.

If the team and coach is toxic, who cares. Three juniors quit basketball midseason last year at our school and nobody cared because the dynamics were terrible.

Because the school values a good character and integrity, sorry yours does not.

Getting out a toxic situation is good character and integrity. Staying in a bad situation out of misplaced loyalty is neither.

The OP never said the situation was toxic, nor did they imply the coaches were abusive. The issue is the kid is on a team, is riding the bench and wants to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer your question, just don’t list in under the EC section of the common app for this year. That being said, his counselor will write a recommendation for him, as will two teachers, and you want to make sure they do not discuss this as a lack of character and commitment. If you truly want your child to quit mid-season, instead of just not attending practice when he has tests, he needs to go talk to his counselor beforehand and ask their take on it. Okay, now for the morals lesson you do not want to hear, you are teaching your child to quit. Although he is not playing in the games, he is there practicing and the team relies on him being there for practice to field enough kids to scrimmage. His participation is important to the team, whether he plays in the games or not. You are not always going to be the best and you are not always going to get the chance to play, but he should honor his commitment to the team for the rest of the season. Then, please do not let him participate again.

Best post in this thread.

If you believe in misplaced priorities. You all seem to be focused on the team and have forgotten the harm OP said is being done to the child. Where is your concern for the child's well being?

What harm? OP said they got on a school team (which is to be celebrated) but isn't a starter yet. How is that harmful? They said they have to study later into the night but that is exactly what all of their teammates do.

This. My biggest pet peeve are the parents who let their kid stay home to finish a big paper that is due or otherwise gives them a pass. There are kids who do theater and practie into the night, and other kids who play sports and practice into the night. And they use their time to maximize doing homework and other activities - babysit, care for a grandparent, work to earn money, whatever. They all figure it out. OP's kid is no different, but wants to be treated differently by bagging out on a commitment.

^^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t going to look any different on the common app if they quit now or at the end of the season.

But there is a lot to be said for being the sort of person that honors their commitments even if they aren’t fun. The commitment they made was for the season, with no promises of playing time. I would encourage my kid to play through the end of the season with the absolute best attitude and effort they can possibly put forward.

College Advisor at the school who writes the school's recommendation letter, will know and could include it.

I literally laughed out loud at the concept that the college advisor at a large public school would (a) know that a junior started and quit a sport mid-season and (b) would remember that a year later and then actually include that on the letter. You are insane to suggest this.

You aren't a teacher, are you? Any family in the business? Mine has been teaching since the 1950s. One just recently retired from MCPS in 2020. Teachers absolutely talk about the kids. Are you you kidding? If you think all the drama is spread on Instagram and YouTube then you've never been in a teacher's lounge

That's so sweet that your family would sabotage kids for dropping an activity a year earlier. What lovely people.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
DCUM is really making it tough for me. Ultimately kid will decide what they decide. He will meet with school college counselor and just mention possibility of this in passing and ask for their thoughts. Personally, I don't feel kid is letting team down as he is not playing, and for DS physical and mental health quitting would be better-less stress about school. more sleep and more real exercise at the gym rather than being a benchwarmer 2-3x/week.
I agree that it may be looked down upon as about 40% are looking at it here, so for that reason sticking it out he may do.
I appreciate the feedback and given DCUM isnt on the same page about this I feel comfortable supporting DS in what he chooses,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer your question, just don’t list in under the EC section of the common app for this year. That being said, his counselor will write a recommendation for him, as will two teachers, and you want to make sure they do not discuss this as a lack of character and commitment. If you truly want your child to quit mid-season, instead of just not attending practice when he has tests, he needs to go talk to his counselor beforehand and ask their take on it. Okay, now for the morals lesson you do not want to hear, you are teaching your child to quit. Although he is not playing in the games, he is there practicing and the team relies on him being there for practice to field enough kids to scrimmage. His participation is important to the team, whether he plays in the games or not. You are not always going to be the best and you are not always going to get the chance to play, but he should honor his commitment to the team for the rest of the season. Then, please do not let him participate again.

Best post in this thread.

If you believe in misplaced priorities. You all seem to be focused on the team and have forgotten the harm OP said is being done to the child. Where is your concern for the child's well being?

What harm? OP said they got on a school team (which is to be celebrated) but isn't a starter yet. How is that harmful? They said they have to study later into the night but that is exactly what all of their teammates do.

This. My biggest pet peeve are the parents who let their kid stay home to finish a big paper that is due or otherwise gives them a pass. There are kids who do theater and practie into the night, and other kids who play sports and practice into the night. And they use their time to maximize doing homework and other activities - babysit, care for a grandparent, work to earn money, whatever. They all figure it out. OP's kid is no different, but wants to be treated differently by bagging out on a commitment.

Except OP's kid is trying to figure it out. No team is going to miss a benchwarmer! I say that as someone who was a benchwarmer myself in high school. I guess it was a growing opportunity - and also just embarrassing and a gigantic waste of time. Life is short, time is short. OP's kid isn't the star of the play who proposed skipping opening night because they just didn't feel like going. They're someone who isn't actually playing - and isn't enjoying this time, and thinks their time is better used doing something else where they might see more of a payoff.

I don't care what OP's kid does or doesn't do. The more frictionless course is definitely just riding this out until the season is over. But if the kid wants to take more control in their life, and decides to take that time back now - who is hurt by that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer your question, just don’t list in under the EC section of the common app for this year. That being said, his counselor will write a recommendation for him, as will two teachers, and you want to make sure they do not discuss this as a lack of character and commitment. If you truly want your child to quit mid-season, instead of just not attending practice when he has tests, he needs to go talk to his counselor beforehand and ask their take on it. Okay, now for the morals lesson you do not want to hear, you are teaching your child to quit. Although he is not playing in the games, he is there practicing and the team relies on him being there for practice to field enough kids to scrimmage. His participation is important to the team, whether he plays in the games or not. You are not always going to be the best and you are not always going to get the chance to play, but he should honor his commitment to the team for the rest of the season. Then, please do not let him participate again.

Best post in this thread.

If you believe in misplaced priorities. You all seem to be focused on the team and have forgotten the harm OP said is being done to the child. Where is your concern for the child's well being?

What harm? OP said they got on a school team (which is to be celebrated) but isn't a starter yet. How is that harmful? They said they have to study later into the night but that is exactly what all of their teammates do.

This. My biggest pet peeve are the parents who let their kid stay home to finish a big paper that is due or otherwise gives them a pass. There are kids who do theater and practie into the night, and other kids who play sports and practice into the night. And they use their time to maximize doing homework and other activities - babysit, care for a grandparent, work to earn money, whatever. They all figure it out. OP's kid is no different, but wants to be treated differently by bagging out on a commitment.

Except OP's kid is trying to figure it out. No team is going to miss a benchwarmer! I say that as someone who was a benchwarmer myself in high school. I guess it was a growing opportunity - and also just embarrassing and a gigantic waste of time. Life is short, time is short. OP's kid isn't the star of the play who proposed skipping opening night because they just didn't feel like going. They're someone who isn't actually playing - and isn't enjoying this time, and thinks their time is better used doing something else where they might see more of a payoff.

I don't care what OP's kid does or doesn't do. The more frictionless course is definitely just riding this out until the season is over. But if the kid wants to take more control in their life, and decides to take that time back now - who is hurt by that?

Their teammates when they go to practice and there aren't enough players to scrimmage
Their teammates when a starter can't play and the bench is empty - or the only person left on the bench is even less experienced that the kid who quit.
Their coaches when they have to deal with the moms and dads who want to know why their kid didn't make the team even after some other kid quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was also not playing and we had a hard talk. Nearly quit. She decided to stick it out but she has more time with the team as a sophomore… if it were not looking like she was able to improve and play more, I would have no qualms about leaving the team. Seriously folks, these kids are not going pro here. A HS team is not exactly a development academy. Coaches need realize kids’ needs change with time. Hard to be a good teammate too when you are demoralized, and that can also impact sleep and homework. I’d leave the team.

Colleges still want to see a variety of ECs, with a progression in competency and rigor. If your child is an award winning artist or the editor of the school newspaper or a great singer, then sure. But a singular focus on academics can make your child appear one dimensional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t going to look any different on the common app if they quit now or at the end of the season.

But there is a lot to be said for being the sort of person that honors their commitments even if they aren’t fun. The commitment they made was for the season, with no promises of playing time. I would encourage my kid to play through the end of the season with the absolute best attitude and effort they can possibly put forward.

College Advisor at the school who writes the school's recommendation letter, will know and could include it.

I literally laughed out loud at the concept that the college advisor at a large public school would (a) know that a junior started and quit a sport mid-season and (b) would remember that a year later and then actually include that on the letter. You are insane to suggest this.

You aren't a teacher, are you? Any family in the business? Mine has been teaching since the 1950s. One just recently retired from MCPS in 2020. Teachers absolutely talk about the kids. Are you you kidding? If you think all the drama is spread on Instagram and YouTube then you've never been in a teacher's lounge

That's so sweet that your family would sabotage kids for dropping an activity a year earlier. What lovely people.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer your question, just don’t list in under the EC section of the common app for this year. That being said, his counselor will write a recommendation for him, as will two teachers, and you want to make sure they do not discuss this as a lack of character and commitment. If you truly want your child to quit mid-season, instead of just not attending practice when he has tests, he needs to go talk to his counselor beforehand and ask their take on it. Okay, now for the morals lesson you do not want to hear, you are teaching your child to quit. Although he is not playing in the games, he is there practicing and the team relies on him being there for practice to field enough kids to scrimmage. His participation is important to the team, whether he plays in the games or not. You are not always going to be the best and you are not always going to get the chance to play, but he should honor his commitment to the team for the rest of the season. Then, please do not let him participate again.

Best post in this thread.

If you believe in misplaced priorities. You all seem to be focused on the team and have forgotten the harm OP said is being done to the child. Where is your concern for the child's well being?

What harm? OP said they got on a school team (which is to be celebrated) but isn't a starter yet. How is that harmful? They said they have to study later into the night but that is exactly what all of their teammates do.

This. My biggest pet peeve are the parents who let their kid stay home to finish a big paper that is due or otherwise gives them a pass. There are kids who do theater and practie into the night, and other kids who play sports and practice into the night. And they use their time to maximize doing homework and other activities - babysit, care for a grandparent, work to earn money, whatever. They all figure it out. OP's kid is no different, but wants to be treated differently by bagging out on a commitment.

Except OP's kid is trying to figure it out. No team is going to miss a benchwarmer! I say that as someone who was a benchwarmer myself in high school. I guess it was a growing opportunity - and also just embarrassing and a gigantic waste of time. Life is short, time is short. OP's kid isn't the star of the play who proposed skipping opening night because they just didn't feel like going. They're someone who isn't actually playing - and isn't enjoying this time, and thinks their time is better used doing something else where they might see more of a payoff.

I don't care what OP's kid does or doesn't do. The more frictionless course is definitely just riding this out until the season is over. But if the kid wants to take more control in their life, and decides to take that time back now - who is hurt by that?

Their teammates when they go to practice and there aren't enough players to scrimmage
Their teammates when a starter can't play and the bench is empty - or the only person left on the bench is even less experienced that the kid who quit.
Their coaches when they have to deal with the moms and dads who want to know why their kid didn't make the team even after some other kid quit.

If the whole team is going to fall apart because one benchwarmer decides to stop playing, then that is not a well planned team. Do you see a reaosn they can't pull a kid or two up from JV if they need a few more bodies?

But I dont know! Maybe OP's kid is their lucky charm or really is needed during practice or whatever. I would look into that - and if it would cause a hardship, I'd take that into consideration. But I don't think we need to speculate OP's kid into not doing what theyt hink is best for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so? If the student isn’t recruitable I don’t think the details of sports involvement are that important, especially if she fills the time in other worthwhile ways.

My daughter was a nationally ranked swimmer for years and then shattered her hand in a car accident the spring of sophomore year and was never able to come back from it. So only two years of swimming are going on the application. It is what it is.

You don’t quit a high school team mid season because you are unhappy with playing time. Kid finishes season and then doesn’t go out for team next year.

The question was about college apps not integrity.

Correct college apps, ds is taking hardest classes and up until 1 am. It’s a time waste.

It sounds like you already know what you want to do and want affirmation.
Colleges will never find out.
All the other kids on the team will know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you explain it in college app? Why did he stop a long term EC in the middle of the season? Will he pick up another EC, and explain away by saying he found a new passion? I understand that he is not recruitable, but any long term commitment particularly varsity sports reflects very well on his character. I would not suggesting him quitting.

There is not that much space on a college application

[Anonymous]

If he wuits, don't mention playing time


Just blame homework and making sure he has the best grades for college aps.