Anyone else hope their kid stays close to home for college?

[Anonymous]

Selfishly I hope my kids stay close because I'll miss them but we will let them go wherever they get in, finances dependent. My teen has said she wants to be within 2-3hrs of someone whether that's us, family members, close family friends. Basically she wants to know that there's someone within a few hours if she is homesick, has a medical emergency or wants to escape a dorm for a weekend. We have family and friends scattered across the country so if that ends up being a true priority for her she actually has a lot of options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Selfishly I hope my kids stay close because I'll miss them but we will let them go wherever they get in, finances dependent. My teen has said she wants to be within 2-3hrs of someone whether that's us, family members, close family friends. Basically she wants to know that there's someone within a few hours if she is homesick, has a medical emergency or wants to escape a dorm for a weekend. We have family and friends scattered across the country so if that ends up being a true priority for her she actually has a lot of options.

Right? We have a few members of my extended family close to my daughter as well as some friends not far away. Not to mention, her school is on a commuter rail line to an exciting city and she can hop on the train to do a day trip whenever she pleases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:💯 agree.
Really pushing my kids to apply to school closer to home.
The quandary comes when you were deciding between a nearby state Flagship, even if out of state and very well regarded, and an Ivy League school. What do you do?

Mine chose flagship. The money difference is astronomical.

[Anonymous]

Thinking about my family and friends groups, I can think of only 1 person who still lives in the same area where they went to college. I grew up in the south, went to college in the Midwest, lived on the west coast after college for awhile and now live on the east coast. Most of my friends also left the south for college but most of them have since moved back to our hometown to raise their families.

My kids are still young but I think when the time comes, we’ll encourage them to go to college wherever they want to be/what feels right to them. Of course I’d love it if they go to college close to home but if they don’t, that’s their choice. It’s their life. I do think I’ll encourage them to consider living close to family/friends once they’re actually ready to settle down and find a long term job/start a family because it is really lonely not having family & friends nearby now that I’m raising my kids far away from my and my spouse’s networks. We moved here for jobs and knew no one and it’s been very hard. But I don’t think college location is a good indicator of where you’ll eventually settle down more permanently since hardly anyone I know of lives near their college Alma mater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't necessarily hope DC stays in the same city, but I am starting to hope they choose a place within reasonable driving distance. My sense is that going far away to college is a badge of distinction/rite of passage in our US culture (I get the sense it's different in Europe and Asia). I can understand this sentiment if you live in the middle of nowhere, but this seems to apply to kids in major metropolitan areas as well, where plenty of good colleges are nearby.

Then people get jobs and settle down close to where they attend college or graduate school due to connections, and that means that families get town apart geographically. Kids don't get to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. very well, and there isn't a family support network. I went across the country for college without thinking about it, and I'm not sure it was the right move. I would have been equally successful had I stayed near home, and it was incredibly hard to be so far from my dad when he passed from cancer. It was also sad not to have my mom nearby during my kid's earliest years and I wish I knew my nieces and nephews better.

It's ultimately my kid's decision and I won't stand in their way if their dream school is in California. But most kids don't think about how much proximity matters when they are young, or realize how important these factors will be later on in their lives. How important is/was geography to your family in selecting colleges?

This is not true for most people I know. I agree with PP above that hardly anyone I know lives near where they attended university. People move around a lot these days and since we live in an increasingly global society, you don’t have to stay near your university to have connections for a career. I know so many people who went to school on the east coast and got jobs on the west coast and vice versa. And so many people who go to state flagship closer to home and then move away to a bigger city after college.

I think you really overestimate the number of people who actually go away for college and then wind up staying in their college town as an adult. It really doesn’t happen like that very often.

[Anonymous]

well given that my spouse moved across the world to attend college in USA and I went 1500 miles from home, I want to encourage my kids to fly and expand their wings.
We (as a family) have moved several times, and never lived in same area as our extended family. Closest was 2 hours from my parents when our kids were 2-15. Perfect time to be "closer"

Both kids have selected colleges. One went 2K away. They ended up in that state and are thriving. They love it, MCOL, great town, great company and most of friends are nearby. We live in a VHCOL so they know it would be hard to live "at home".
next kid is 3K away. 50% change they end up on the opposite coast, 50% chance they end up near us. Whatever happens we are good with. We use this as opportunities for us to travel to them. We also invite them (and pay for them and SO) on one big vacation each year. So far they have been able to come and have even Brought SO with them. They fly home for xmas and thanksgiving (we pay).
Sure we miss them, but they are thriving and love where they are, so it's hard to not be happy!

We will travel more (to them) once grandkids are in the picture.

[Anonymous]

I find kids who stay close to home do so for a variety of reasons namely finances, not mature enough to go far away or anxiety, medical reasons (theirs or family) or family pressure for them to stay close. These kids are often from families who haven’t traveled much abroad, who didn’t go to sleep away camps and who’s parents shutter at the thought of boarding school.

For college, I think the opportunity to live somewhere different and meet people who perhaps have different views is a priceless experience. This doesn’t mean it has to be across country but what really is the difference between a 5 hr flight and 7 hour drive other than cost and logistics. Ultimately, for my DCs I left it entirely up to them. They are plane rides away but we are very close. They come home or we visit them for every break, parents’ weekend, their birthdays, etc. It has been a great experience for them and they are now masters of navigating airports as an added bonus.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

For a lot of people, it's more about wanting the experience of living in a different place. Why would you want to stay in one location your entire life? College is the easiest time to try something else. Kids who are from loving families who feel supported and valued and and accepted know that they will always have strong bonds with their family, regardless of where they live.

I posted earlier but have to say this is a nice sentiment. Until your not able to attend holidays, etc. easily. Until you see your family spending time together w/o you. Until your family ages and until you age.

I'm not saying don't move away to experience things. But this "spread your wings" and leave home is not something that is necessarily best in the long run if you have a loving family.

You seriously just typed this?? I’m not about to argue with you but I can’t people people actually have such a limited view.

Limited view? I moved many states away from family, though we have limited family nearby through my DH. And esp now that family is getting older, it is very, very hard to be far. We have also missed out on a lot.

And people like you are assuming we are so provincial. We've traveled all over the world, as has our kids. Our view is anything but limited. It is just different from yours and you're the one getting all bent out of shape over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

Going more than 2 hours from home is not "escaping from your family". For both my kids, it was about selecting the best school for them.

Both kids wanted 5-8K size. Our state flagships (2 of them) are 25-35K each. The next state school has 15K+.

one kid is at a T40 school. They are in engineering. Only the 2 flagships have engineering. My kid didn't want to do 30K+ students, fighting to get your major (engineering at the good school is direct admit but not to the specific engineering). So they looked out of state and closest school was 2K away. Most were 3K. They would have been miserable at either of the state schools with engineering. downright miserable.

Other kid applied 2K away and got into a school with direct entry DPT. It's challenging to get into the programs both as Direct Entry or after undergrad. When you get into a program at a great school (top 25 DPT program), you take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

So you’re going to insist your kids not do what both you and DH did? Good luck with that! LOL.

It's YOU using the word insist. Not the PP or anyone else here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

For a lot of people, it's more about wanting the experience of living in a different place. Why would you want to stay in one location your entire life? College is the easiest time to try something else. Kids who are from loving families who feel supported and valued and and accepted know that they will always have strong bonds with their family, regardless of where they live.

I posted earlier but have to say this is a nice sentiment. Until your not able to attend holidays, etc. easily. Until you see your family spending time together w/o you. Until your family ages and until you age.

I'm not saying don't move away to experience things. But this "spread your wings" and leave home is not something that is necessarily best in the long run if you have a loving family.

So you have to work a bit harder when you spread your wings and don't live within an hour of your family. Doesn't mean you are not in a loving family. So you travel for holidays (the parents or the kids).

[Anonymous]

People seem very defensive about this. I have historically seen kids who choose colleges on the other side of the country as wanting to escape, for whatever reason. Just my personal experience.
My teens wanted to be able to come home whenever they wanted, so that was a big factor in choosing a college. Access to mass transit that gets them door to door in under three hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

For a lot of people, it's more about wanting the experience of living in a different place. Why would you want to stay in one location your entire life? College is the easiest time to try something else. Kids who are from loving families who feel supported and valued and and accepted know that they will always have strong bonds with their family, regardless of where they live.

I posted earlier but have to say this is a nice sentiment. Until your not able to attend holidays, etc. easily. Until you see your family spending time together w/o you. Until your family ages and until you age.

I'm not saying don't move away to experience things. But this "spread your wings" and leave home is not something that is necessarily best in the long run if you have a loving family.

So you have to work a bit harder when you spread your wings and don't live within an hour of your family. Doesn't mean you are not in a loving family. So you travel for holidays (the parents or the kids).

Calm down. I'm sure you have a loving family. I'm saying if you have one, and like being around them, in the long run it's better imo if you are close to them.

God, you people are so quick to take offense. Insufferable, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

This. Definitely this. I LOVE that my now college age students are within a two/three hour (depending on traffic patterns) of our home. They choose to be home for every family celebration, often bringing a group of friends with them. We are so unbelievably blessed to have such a close family unit (both extended and our own) and we do everything to nurture our family gatherings to the max. Family is everything and we count our blessings that we did not "screw" up in the parenting department.

My Grown and Flown is 2K miles from us. 2 flights (lives near a smaller airport with 15 gates, and a 30-60 min flights to major hubs. I've seen them last xmas for 8 days, 3 days when we had work within 4 hours of them, 12 day European vacation in June, 2 day family wedding in June (we flew, they drove), they flew home 3 weeks ago for 4 day weekend (worked remotely), just saw them last week as we drove sibling to college (stopped for dinner and drinks), will see them for 7 days at thanksgiving and 8 days at xmas. So we see them for 4-6 weeks each year, just spread out. They come to us, we go to them, we typically pay for airfare and plan to continue that. But watching them thrive at college and now in the adult world, I don't regret for a moment letting them choose the college that was best for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

This. Definitely this. I LOVE that my now college age students are within a two/three hour (depending on traffic patterns) of our home. They choose to be home for every family celebration, often bringing a group of friends with them. We are so unbelievably blessed to have such a close family unit (both extended and our own) and we do everything to nurture our family gatherings to the max. Family is everything and we count our blessings that we did not "screw" up in the parenting department.

Letting your child fly farther does not mean you screwed up.

- PP

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