Anyone else hope their kid stays close to home for college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS chose St John’s in Annapolis. I love having him so close! Mostly it just feels good to have him close in case something happens, though I drive down every month or so and have lobster rolls with him.

I’m a Johnnie (graduated in early 90s) and: Great choice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL at people thinking hours away is close. My kid drives 15 minutes to get to UMBC, a highly rated STEM school. We pay in-state tuition and zero for boarding. (We did buy a meal plan since he spends a lot of time on campus.)

That would be awful. Not the “college experience” at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

It’s not always because the family is bad-my DC had a miserable time of it in their toxic DMV private and wanted to get far away to meet totally new people for friends. So far, it’s been a great decision and they are also close to extended family. With face time and other means of modern communication it’s been OK for us as parents even though we miss DC a ton!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

I think the ability to move as far away from home as possible is ideal for kids with toxic parents. I also think it's the best move for genius kids who live in the middle of nowhere with no stellar opportunities close by.

For the rest with normal supportive families, our culture also promotes "wing spreading" for college and it is just something aspirational to do, and a sign that your family can afford it or that you can manage it, and so people do it whether or not it makes sense.

[Anonymous]

I live in what you would call "the middle of nowhere" and our oldest attends a very, very competitive university less than an hour away.

[Anonymous]

DC is about 5 hours away, which feels like the perfect distance; far enough that he can be independent, but close enough that he can come back home for all breaks and we can visit if need be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at people thinking hours away is close. My kid drives 15 minutes to get to UMBC, a highly rated STEM school. We pay in-state tuition and zero for boarding. (We did buy a meal plan since he spends a lot of time on campus.)

That would be awful. Not the “college experience” at all.

It’s a fine college EDUCATION and one type of college EXPERIENCE. There is no one size fits all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

For a lot of people, it's more about wanting the experience of living in a different place. Why would you want to stay in one location your entire life? College is the easiest time to try something else. Kids who are from loving families who feel supported and valued and and accepted know that they will always have strong bonds with their family, regardless of where they live.

[Anonymous]

Yes but also we only have the me child and are near retirement. If she moves too far weight just follow! 😂

[Anonymous]

We are living this today, as we drive our first child 1.5 hours away. Honestly this is hard for both the child and us right now, even though that’s not very far. We’re just a lot closer family than mine was growing up. It hurts to break it up, even though it’s the normal growth and progress. Looking back on my own “college experience,” honestly there was just a lot of drunken parties.

[Anonymous]

^ meant to type "we only have one child"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

For a lot of people, it's more about wanting the experience of living in a different place. Why would you want to stay in one location your entire life? College is the easiest time to try something else. Kids who are from loving families who feel supported and valued and and accepted know that they will always have strong bonds with their family, regardless of where they live.

I posted earlier but have to say this is a nice sentiment. Until your not able to attend holidays, etc. easily. Until you see your family spending time together w/o you. Until your family ages and until you age.

I'm not saying don't move away to experience things. But this "spread your wings" and leave home is not something that is necessarily best in the long run if you have a loving family.

[Anonymous]

I have a child who is entering his junior year only 2.5 hours away...and he is rarely home. Independence doesn't need to be 9 hours or a coast away. I say let them go where they want to go--I stayed in state and then moved to the West Coast for a decade! It all works out. And it isn't about us anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't necessarily hope DC stays in the same city, but I am starting to hope they choose a place within reasonable driving distance. My sense is that going far away to college is a badge of distinction/rite of passage in our US culture (I get the sense it's different in Europe and Asia). I can understand this sentiment if you live in the middle of nowhere, but this seems to apply to kids in major metropolitan areas as well, where plenty of good colleges are nearby.

Then people get jobs and settle down close to where they attend college or graduate school due to connections, and that means that families get town apart geographically. Kids don't get to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. very well, and there isn't a family support network. I went across the country for college without thinking about it, and I'm not sure it was the right move. I would have been equally successful had I stayed near home, and it was incredibly hard to be so far from my dad when he passed from cancer. It was also sad not to have my mom nearby during my kid's earliest years and I wish I knew my nieces and nephews better.

It's ultimately my kid's decision and I won't stand in their way if their dream school is in California. But most kids don't think about how much proximity matters when they are young, or realize how important these factors will be later on in their lives. How important is/was geography to your family in selecting colleges?

Very important. I struggled living far away from my family and having no one around to help with life etc so I wanted my kids to stay close to home. Both my kids chose to go to umd over Michigan, Georgia Tech, UiUC and are very very happy with their decision to be close to home.