Teacher called...for a third time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We are in public and not MCPS. Our school allows phones, but they need to be put away.

I wouldn't want to take the phone because if there is a school shooting, I don't want to be in that position. The unfortunate mindset of a public school parent, unfortunately.

Thank you to everyone who suggested a dummy phone or a text/call phone only. I think we're going to start here.

How do we get him to understand how rude this behavior is? Grades are grades, he will pass or fail, but we want to make sure he is a good human.

Teenagers are biologically wired to be self centered. I would focus more on modeling, setting expectations, and consequences and assume if he goes through the motions enough he will be a good human when he comes out the other side.

So, yes, fancy phone goes away. Flip phone for emergencies. He writes an email to the teacher apologizing. And you have a calm conversation with your kid explaining all of this, but also asking him what is going on from his perspective. Boredom? LD? Depression? IDK but see what your kid has to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am baffled by the parents who think the teacher should come up with an idea to redirect their child. This is lazy-a$$ parenting. In an earlier post, I recommended you spend a few days in school with your child. If they act like a 3 year old, treat them that way.

Pp here asking for solutions. Are you an educator who has honestly seen this work?
It’s been my experience that the school will not allow me to do this.
.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing how parents these days can twist any situation to place the blame on the teachers. Good luck in college!

Are college professors going to call parents about a college student’s behavior?

Here is a pro tip: teachers DO NOT want to call you. If we are calling it is because your kid is doing something that ultimately negatively impacts their own academics and if it looks like your kid might fail because of it, we are required to contact you. If it gets to the point we are calling, when we do not want to have to do that, it means we have exhausted all the interventions, redirections, strategies available to us as the teacher and it’s now at a level where YOU, the parent, who has more available interventions and strategies to use with your child that we do not, need to be aware and taking action.

Don’t get annoyed that we’re calling you. Understand that it means we have absolutely done what we can on our end and it’s now time for you to pick up the baton. Or, failing that, at least you have been made aware so that when your kid ultimately does get that F, you can’t claim “nobody told me” and blame us for not telling you so you could help.

+1. Is this public or private school? If it’s public and the teacher is calling you whatever they are telling you about his behavior is probably a thousand times worse. Not to mention that his behavior is disruptive to other students who actually want to learn. I have a teen and tween and they both have phones. I’ve never had an issue with behavior. In fact, I have had teachers reach out to me tell me that they enjoy having my kids in their classes. The difference? My kids would have lost all phone privileges for a month after the first phone call. They know very well that if their grades drop or if they cause any kind of disruption in the classroom the phones are gone. I use parental controls consistently. I monitor screen time consistently. I review grades consistently. I review homework consistently. Do your job and parent.

You know, you can step down off your high horse.

I have a teen and a tween who have no issues with their phones in school too. One of them just scored in the 99th percentile on the HSPT.

I also have a teen who doesn’t have a phone and still gets in trouble for not paying attention at school.

You can’t take all of the credit or all of the blame for your teen’s behavior.

[Anonymous]

If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

The teacher did! We can’t say he isn’t allowed to have it at school because factually, according to school rules, he is. The teacher recommended him not bringing the phone to school. OP is convinced she can’t take it because there could be a school shooting though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

The teacher did! We can’t say he isn’t allowed to have it at school because factually, according to school rules, he is. The teacher recommended him not bringing the phone to school. OP is convinced she can’t take it because there could be a school shooting though.

That was in response to someone else on the thread. It isn’t anything the teacher said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

I’m really just trying to figure this out. It seems crazy that you can see an obvious solution to a problem at school, but you aren’t allowed to tell the parents what it is.

And this isn’t parenting. This is classroom management.

[Anonymous]

Take the phone away for two weeks and it only is given back if the teacher confirms the behavior improves. If after two weeks it is better, the kid gets the phone during non-school hours. Two weeks more to get phone during school, with the warning that it is taken for a full month if there is bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

I’m really just trying to figure this out. It seems crazy that you can see an obvious solution to a problem at school, but you aren’t allowed to tell the parents what it is.

And this isn’t parenting. This is classroom management.

This has been covered on the thread already. At many schools:

We can’t confiscate phones. If they get lost or stolen, we are held accountable. Therefore, the administration doesn’t want that liability for us or for them.

We can’t regulate usage. The most I can do is continuously say, “put it away.” If the student doesn’t put it away, all I can do is ask again. So I’m going to stop asking because I have other students in the room who deserve my time and attention.

It’s time for students and parents to be held responsible. My own children know they face major consequences if I find out they are using their phones in school. I check. I found out my high schooler was, so I took it. Hasn’t happened twice. I don’t expect my kids’ teachers to babysit their phones. That’s not their job, and frankly, they are too busy doing ten thousand other things so they shouldn’t have to worry about my kid’s phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The calls we received were from 3 separate teachers over 1.5 years. They all had the same theme- messing around, not paying attention, ignoring directions, talking, distracted. He is also not failing, he is a B/C student and got a D in chemistry. I don't think the situation is as dire as some PP's interpreted it to be.

We have since installed an app that allows us to lock down his phone and monitor everything.

I agree with everyone about possible ADHD or depression.

If he has a VPN installed already, that means he know how to work any apps that allows you to "locK and monitor everything" on the phone. VPNs pretty much bypass that. Believe me I learned that while trying to "supervise" our teens activity online.

Also, if I had 3 calls from 3 different teachers I would not only take away the phone completely but I would be calling the school and requesting a meeting with the counselor and my kid.

Unless your kid has had a history of not following directions and being disruptive, do not confuse plain bad behavior with ADHD or depression.

We called a meeting back in Dec and the school was dismissive and wouldn't consent to testing. We get zero emails/communication from the school in general. We don't get emails that preempt the calls, the calls have been isolated. We spoke to the counselor and they were not concerned, but my guess is that they just have bigger fish to fry.

It's been difficult to assess because DS's school is downplaying everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am baffled by the parents who think the teacher should come up with an idea to redirect their child. This is lazy-a$$ parenting. In an earlier post, I recommended you spend a few days in school with your child. If they act like a 3 year old, treat them that way.

Pp here asking for solutions. Are you an educator who has honestly seen this work?
It’s been my experience that the school will not allow me to do this.
.

Pretty sure the teacher would look the other way in this case and support OP if OP actually wanted to be a parent and spend some time observing her kid’s behavior. I’m sure the teacher has a hundred other things she’d rather do than call OP about her obnoxious kid 3 times.

[Anonymous]

This kid should not have a smartphone or any other electronics. No need for headphones if he has nothing to listen to. He can have the most basic dumb phone only for emergencies. That’s it.

Can you explain what is hard about that decision? It honestly seems so obvious to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kid should not have a smartphone or any other electronics. No need for headphones if he has nothing to listen to. He can have the most basic dumb phone only for emergencies. That’s it.

Can you explain what is hard about that decision? It honestly seems so obvious to me.

What's hard is that parents who take the phone and give it back and take it again, don't realize that it's not actually effective in changing the unwanted behavior. It puts a temporary end to it, sure, but if it was effective, why do you have to keep doing it over and over again? Please name a parent who has used this strategy and it's been one and done.

Going around the phone merry-go-round is not a long-term solution to disrespectful behavior- it will just shift and show up in other ways.

[Anonymous]

I understand wanting him to have a phone for scheduling changes or emergencies- I prefer my young teens carry one for this reason (after school changes, sports practices or game changes etc). BUT in this case I would totally take away his phone altogether for a set period. This is pretty serious-given it has happened multiple times- and I would be furious at my DC. A high schooler should know better- no excuses.

When my kids lose phone privileges or forget their phones they just text me from a friend’s phone if truly needed (very rare). They know my number.

A phone is not going to be helpful in some type of shooting situation anyway FWIW.