Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DC26 is completely independent, no help from us.

DC2 is 23 and we pay for her cellphone and health insurance (on my employer plan). Nothing else. She earns $70K/year.

Congratulations! You raised fiscally responsible people. My college senior has a great job offer starting in August and I am planning on keeping him on our medical, cell phone and pay one more year of car insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Oouf that's tough. A divorced man with kids accepting hand-out from his in-laws. Save that money for your daughter in some kind of rainy day fund. Tell them you're putting it away for them to have a downpayment for a house or something like that, but all in your daughter's name.

I do not understand why your son-in-law cannot attempt to modify the child support agreement to reflect a change in financial circumstances. Does he have a retirement fund from which he can take an in-service loan? And either your daughter or son-in-law should try to find secondary employment and less expensive housing. If they own a home or car, you could issue a promissory note to both of them and secure it against their assets.

That’s not how child support works.

[Anonymous]

Whatever works for your family. When I got married I had no idea that my in-laws would be paying our rent and after a few years a house. My FIL asked us to move near his mother so we could help her and he would pay our rent. Then he retired early soon after that and did some planning and a trustee sent us money every month. They paid the children’s substantial expenses and also pay their rent.

I doubt they will ever need to pay their living expenses but so what? They aren’t rolling in money they just have security. My husband and I worked regular jobs and it didn’t change anything except make our lives easier.

[Anonymous]

I plan to help in any way I can when my kids are older. My parents helped me at times when I was single but the moment I got married, they stopped helping with anything and they do nothing for the grandchildren. It is interesting because my late father-in-law was generous and I think of him often, and am thankful he was there to help out. All the gifts went toward childcare and helped us break even or pay off debt during really tough times. The kids knew him and loved him as well. I want my children and grandchildren to think of my husband and me that way.

[Anonymous]

I think the thing to be on the lookout for is the adult kids that think the handouts will never end and that they are entitled to your money.

My 31 year old brother will spend money on vacations, video games and fun things, then come tell our dad he can’t make his mortgage and needs a lump sum to catch up. This all started when he was a teen and dad was the ATM. He never said no or made any conditions (like you must have a job, need to pay me back, etc).

The entitlement is surreal. He just calls up dad and acts like it’s his money too. I appreciate small gifts I’ve received over the years, but because I’ve made better financial decisions have never been in a place where I needed parental support. My brother will not be able to survive, ever, without my dad’s money. I don’t know what brother is going to do when Dad passes and there’s nothing left.

I have a few friends like this too. It started with having their parent’s credit card in their 20s. Now they still have a credit card and it’s used for expensive baby clothes and random “fun” things. Good for these parents, but I’m not going to fund my kids lifestyle so they can buy expensive clothes and order Uber Eats 3x a week.

[Anonymous]

Not any more. Youngest is 24 and just bought their own home not in the DMV area, with no help from us.

[Anonymous]

My parents still pay my cell phone bill 😂. I am in my 30s.

[Anonymous]

My father passed away 2 months ago. He was living with me. Now I no longer have netflix. Time to grow up I guess.

[Anonymous]

None of my parents children, nor my in-laws children were ever on parental support post college. Neither were our BILs siblings on either side. All of us are financially successful but were smart with money and never lived above our means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Oouf that's tough. A divorced man with kids accepting hand-out from his in-laws. Save that money for your daughter in some kind of rainy day fund. Tell them you're putting it away for them to have a downpayment for a house or something like that, but all in your daughter's name.

Paying for the grandchild's daycare keeps their daughter employed. That is the best thing they can do to promote the daughter's longterm financial stability. If the daughter quits working because she and her husband an't afford daycare, she's screwing herself financially for the long-term, especially if she ends up divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Oouf that's tough. A divorced man with kids accepting hand-out from his in-laws. Save that money for your daughter in some kind of rainy day fund. Tell them you're putting it away for them to have a downpayment for a house or something like that, but all in your daughter's name.

Paying for the grandchild's daycare keeps their daughter employed. That is the best thing they can do to promote the daughter's longterm financial stability. If the daughter quits working because she and her husband an't afford daycare, she's screwing herself financially for the long-term, especially if she ends up divorced.

Why would anyone woman marry a broke dude who already had two kids he can barely support? Has she no self respect?

[Anonymous]

My youngest DS graduate last May. Has a job, rents and has roommates. He's still on the family cell plan and healthcare but knows he needs a plan to get his own. He also is budgeting/saving to buy a house.

We do offer a year of living rent free after graduation to save money. He chose not too. Younger sibling still in college and knows he will get the same "deal".

[Anonymous]

My kids are young, but by the time they graduate from college we will have a paid-off house in a good part of DC and will be retired. I will definitely encourage them to live with us while working in their 20s so they can save up a down payment. Ideally, a job that has them on the road 3-4 days/week so they can play the points game for their personal travels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have many friends whose parents helped in various ways (I’m in my 50’s) and they are all fine. They are all grown up and responsible. My parents couldn’t help me. I’m fine too. I don’t think helping kids is necessarily enabling them.

It is not "enabling them".
We gift our kids $18K each year--for their Roth IRA and 401K. Yes, our kids would still do the Roth and some 401K if we didn't, as they have good jobs and can afford to do this. But they invest more this way. To us, this is a good use of our $$. The kids are getting millions ($8-10M+ for each) when we die, why not give some of it when it will benefit them the most? They get the tax breaks and most importantly by time they are 30 they will be well set for retirement. They won't have to struggle once they have kids---they can choose to invest a bit less then (however we are still likely to gift them yearly as it's the smart tax way for us---avoid the estate tax little by little).

But our kids are fully functioning adults, they know they invest more than their similar aged friends. They know they are lucky and get fancy vacations if they join us. But they largely live on their own budget and do stuff with friends that is in line with their friends budgets (as cheap as possible).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents still pay my cell phone bill 😂. I am in my 30s.

Same. We are all on a grandfathered plan.