Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?
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Anonymous
This----my kid's rent just went up 30% in one year (new management). They are staying because they can afford it on their own, but know we will help if needed. Also, that's $300 more per month. It would cost them $1K to move, an extra months rent to overlap (as they have a planned vacation during the time their lease would expire) and in reality most places they would move are similarly priced, the landlord/management team just raised the rents to be more in line with the market in the area (they were an incredible deal previously). For them, 2 years out of college it makes sense. But once they are certain they want to stay in a certain area and are ready to deal with maintenance of home ownership, we will help them purchase a condo/TH/Home |
Anonymous
It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back. I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity. I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful. |
Anonymous
Yup! Do not understand how poorly people have raised their kids if they believe "helping their adult kids" will make them lazy and worthless people. We worked hard, we are rich, our kids have worked hard and have found their path in life and doing well. But we sure as hell will help them as long as they are motivated and doing well in life (ie they can't just quit their job and play video games or spend the day shopping/dining out, they have to have a job). Our kids get "gifts" from us. They still work hard, they still save, they still are frugal (relatively speaking) and don't just waste money. They can function completely on their own, but we are worth millions. They will eventually get some of that, why not let it be now while it makes the largest impact? If we can make their lives easier, why not? They know they can always take a job they love, even if it pays a bit less. They know (when they get married and have kids) they can choose to take Parental leave or have a SAHP or can afford to live closer to their jobs so they don't each waste 1-2 hours commuting--that means more meaningful family time with our grandkids. They know education will be funded for the grandkids (or themselves if they choose to do an advanced degree at some point). In reality, those who complain about it are most likely just jealous that they didn't have that happen and/or that they cannot provide the same for their kids. We grew up poor, we didn't have any of that. But it sure would have been nice to not have student loans out the wazzoo and to get to have a bit more fun in college because you actually had spending money and didn't have to work 10-15 hours per week just to pay the bills. |
Anonymous
What others are doing likely depends upon how much money they have. If the parents have millions saved for retirement, then they might as well start the wealth transfer process early. |
Anonymous
DP: My Kids can "take care of themselves" just fine. Have good jobs and chose a place to live that they can fully support themselves. However we choose to gift them $$$ yearly. Why? So they save more. Kids live fairly frugally and save a lot. One kid is driving a 11 yo car, and sees no reason to get a new one because it's under 100K and still going strong with no issues. We would have estate tax issues with the Current 13.2M per adult already, it will be worse as that grows. Yes we have trusts in place to avoid that, but the simplest way is to gift NOW up to the max allowed per year. We like to supplement their lives. That doesn't mean it stunts them at all. Just means they don't have to stress about money. They still are giving 120% at their job, and select where to live based on their own income. They can afford all of that and still save for retirement and a downpayment (even though they know that will be gifted when they are ready). |
Anonymous
Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things? The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults. Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it. |
Anonymous
Well I know over 10 kids whose parents help them (we are rich and so are many of our friends). All of those kids, including our 3, are fully functioning adults. All are "living within their means" based on their own income as adults. That means they can afford their rent and daily expenses. The main difference is that these kids are fully saving for retirement and building their non-retirement investments as well and they take fancier vacations (with family and with their friends at times). None of them are struggling to fully adult. If they didn't have the extra funding, they would simply save less. Also all are in great jobs and getting promotions and moving up in their careers. The extra help (if you raise your kids right) just means they know they can take more risks because they have a safety net in place and are not stressed about finances (no student loans, most got a car for college graduation). These kids are 22-30ish and none are "dependent on mom and dad" |
Anonymous
| I'm glad DD mentioned this, and upon hearing this we jumped at the chance to pay, to help make this happen: there was an internship in her field at Yale and few in her cohort were applying because of the cost of parking! Talk about not seeing the forest through the trees! Parking was as much as $20/day, for the safe/closer (imho necessary) option, so significant money. |
Anonymous
Personally, until our kids get married/long term committed relationship, we will keep them on our cell phone plan. It's much cheaper to add them as extra lines on our plan than for them to be on an individual plan. It's just fiscally smart decision. Same for health insurance. We pay same for employee + spouse as we do for E+S+all kids. So it costs us nothing for them to stay on our plan. They all take their own health insurance at their jobs as primary and use ours as secondary. |
Anonymous
It's financially smart choice 99% of the time. I pay for my parents cell phones and our kids. it's much better price to have them on our plan than for everyone to go separate. So we take the cheaper option |
Anonymous
| I'd rather we each pay more than keep tethered-together on a cell phone plan. |
Anonymous
You seem a bit sheltered and likely don't know many people who do have much parental financial help. I know many successful adults who had parental "assistance" because the parents have money. I know some in high-powered careers and others in careers they love that typically don't pay as much (Social Work, teaching, etc) but are essential to our society surviving. Also know some who take career risks/start a company. They are able to choose all of these more easily because they know there is a fall back. Much easier to be a Social worker or therapist when you know your income doesn't matter, so you can do what you are great at and love. You can start a small business in an area of interest because you have the seed money, and the ability to live well while/until the business takes off. |
Anonymous
Why? The only impact to me is my cell bill is slightly higher each month. I don't check on their call log or anything like that. It's simply a financial benefit---why would you want to overpay just so your kids can have their own cell phone account? Our entire family (grandparents, us and kids) are all on the same plan...saves over $200/month. |
Anonymous
DP: The vast majority of people don't have high-powered careers nor start companies whether they get parental support or not. People who have that temperament, desire and skillset do that regardless. |
Anonymous
| My DC moved to a big city for a sales job with a low base salary (around $45). DC lives with 2 roommates and pays about $1,100/month in rent. Base salary was low 40s so I helped for the first year (about $400 a month). Year two they are making closer to 80 K and self sufficient. It would have been really tough to make the position work without our help but they worked hard and will probably hit close to 100 K after year 2. |