Sad about no longer being attracted to DW

[Anonymous]

If you don't like your fat wives, do everyone a favor and get divorced NOW. She will thank you in a decade.

- I'd rather be literally fat and happy than married to any of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and dthen peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.

I hear the menopause argument from my overweight (200+ pounds) perimenopausal wife. My question is why don't ALl women have significant weight problems post-menopause.

Women gain an average of 35 pounds post menopause.
Does your mom look like she did in her wedding photo? Did your grandmother when you were growing up? Have you ever followed any biography or documentary about a woman who isn’t a model or actress? Most people gain weight as they get older.

I am the OP. My wife gained 70 pounds over 18 years before even hitting perimenopause. Are you saying she has 35 more unavoidably coming?

Yes. That’s exactly how it works when you look at population averages.
The average adult woman is 5’4”. That means that if your 16 year old daughter is 5’7”, then she will unavoidably shrink three inches over the next two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, most women are more motivated to look good when they are complimented not criticized. So find something you like about your wife's appearance and compliment it. Tell her that you love when she wears [insert whatever you actually like on her that she feels confident in]. When you give her positive feedback on the things that you like, that will encourage her to do them more. (Assuming that you also put effort into your appearance).

Even though I’m somewhat overweight my husband often compliments me on how I look and I really appreciate it after many years. Part of my being attracted to him is just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most women are more motivated to look good when they are complimented not criticized. So find something you like about your wife's appearance and compliment it. Tell her that you love when she wears [insert whatever you actually like on her that she feels confident in]. When you give her positive feedback on the things that you like, that will encourage her to do them more. (Assuming that you also put effort into your appearance).

Even though I’m somewhat overweight my husband often compliments me on how I look and I really appreciate it after many years. Part of my being attracted to him is just that.

So I should compliment her even if it's a lie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea that women (or anyone) can lose weight only if they have the time to work out and cook healthy food is a lie spread to sell stuff (like gym memberships, personal trainers, and expensive groceries) and to make people feel better about being fat. If you want to lose weight, you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. The most efficient way to do that is to eat less, which means developing better habits about your food consumption. Plus, eating less takes LESS time and costs LESS money. The amount your body burns in its resting state declines as you age, which means that to avoid gaining weight as you age, you have to also reduce the amount you eat. It's very simple, and the nutritionists who aren't trying to sell you some fad product know this.

You are stuck in bad science from the dark ages, poster. There is literally a mountain of medical research evidence that totally disproves the calories in/calories out (CICO) theory of weight loss. It is total bunk. It does not acknowledge the differences of calories sources nor the very complex interworkings of hormones and other factors in the body, and how very individual we are.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/stop-counting-calories

I could literally post links all day long that reiterate that CICO is total and complete bullshit. Only closed minded gym rats and people selling BS diet methods are still squawking CICO to people. Get with the times and the nutritional science.

I think you're taking that article too seriously. It suggests that you need to eat healthy and exercise in order to lose weight. The reason being, you get bigger bang for your buck if you eat chicken breast instead of Twinkies for lunch. In the end, it's still CICO really, just that high-quality calories makes it easier to maintain the weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my wife and I love our family. We have 2 beautiful children, common values, and compatible parenting styles. DW is smart and has a successful career. I respect her and I am grateful to her for giving us our children.

That being said, she let herself go after the kids were born. She is an attractive woman, but she put on quite a bit of weight (the youngest is 8 by now), and she frequently looks frumpy. Of course I would never dare to say anything and would never cheat, but I am just sad and an anonymous forum is the only place I can admit it.

Flame away.

You know, when you push a kid out of you and your body (and energy, etc.) don't bounce back, maybe you'll understand how hard it is for lots of women.

Also, maybe you should work on your need for your wife to be "just so" physically for you to be attracted to her and get it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you stop watching porn then it will be easier for you to perform with your wife.

This is really good advice. Much better than fixing healthy snacks for her every weekend.
It also takes no time or money.

Would you give the same advice to a wife fed up with her fatass husband's weight?

Lots of women -MOST in my corner of the DMV- have overweight DHs in golf shirts and sneakers, who are balding and guzzling beer on weekends with buddies. So GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

People that choose to be "sad" instead of doing something about a problem are pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Divorce her and find a more attractive woman to be on your arm. You can afford it, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most women are more motivated to look good when they are complimented not criticized. So find something you like about your wife's appearance and compliment it. Tell her that you love when she wears [insert whatever you actually like on her that she feels confident in]. When you give her positive feedback on the things that you like, that will encourage her to do them more. (Assuming that you also put effort into your appearance).

Even though I’m somewhat overweight my husband often compliments me on how I look and I really appreciate it after many years. Part of my being attracted to him is just that.

So I should compliment her even if it's a lie?

You need to look harder to find something you like. Do you think you are a middle aged prince and it's easy to find you attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most women are more motivated to look good when they are complimented not criticized. So find something you like about your wife's appearance and compliment it. Tell her that you love when she wears [insert whatever you actually like on her that she feels confident in]. When you give her positive feedback on the things that you like, that will encourage her to do them more. (Assuming that you also put effort into your appearance).

Even though I’m somewhat overweight my husband often compliments me on how I look and I really appreciate it after many years. Part of my being attracted to him is just that.

So I should compliment her even if it's a lie?

Pp's husband isn't lying. He still sees her beauty. You should get a divorce and set your wife free to find someone like pp's husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most women are more motivated to look good when they are complimented not criticized. So find something you like about your wife's appearance and compliment it. Tell her that you love when she wears [insert whatever you actually like on her that she feels confident in]. When you give her positive feedback on the things that you like, that will encourage her to do them more. (Assuming that you also put effort into your appearance).

Even though I’m somewhat overweight my husband often compliments me on how I look and I really appreciate it after many years. Part of my being attracted to him is just that.

So I should compliment her even if it's a lie?

You need to look harder to find something you like. Do you think you are a middle aged prince and it's easy to find you attractive?

In my 30's and 40's my wife complained that I was "underweight" (though I was about 5'9" 175 and ran more marathons) and that I needed more weight so I could appear to be more manly.

I started lifting weights more in my 50's (gaining the weight she wanted me to gain) and definitely think I look better than I did 10 years ago.

Meanwhile, she let herself go.

So there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most women are more motivated to look good when they are complimented not criticized. So find something you like about your wife's appearance and compliment it. Tell her that you love when she wears [insert whatever you actually like on her that she feels confident in]. When you give her positive feedback on the things that you like, that will encourage her to do them more. (Assuming that you also put effort into your appearance).

Even though I’m somewhat overweight my husband often compliments me on how I look and I really appreciate it after many years. Part of my being attracted to him is just that.

So I should compliment her even if it's a lie?

You need to look harder to find something you like. Do you think you are a middle aged prince and it's easy to find you attractive?

In my 30's and 40's my wife complained that I was "underweight" (though I was about 5'9" 175 and ran more marathons) and that I needed more weight so I could appear to be more manly.

I started lifting weights more in my 50's (gaining the weight she wanted me to gain) and definitely think I look better than I did 10 years ago.

Meanwhile, she let herself go.

So there's that.

You sound like a wimp. Stop complaining and divorce her instead of being a sad sack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea that women (or anyone) can lose weight only if they have the time to work out and cook healthy food is a lie spread to sell stuff (like gym memberships, personal trainers, and expensive groceries) and to make people feel better about being fat. If you want to lose weight, you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. The most efficient way to do that is to eat less, which means developing better habits about your food consumption. Plus, eating less takes LESS time and costs LESS money. The amount your body burns in its resting state declines as you age, which means that to avoid gaining weight as you age, you have to also reduce the amount you eat. It's very simple, and the nutritionists who aren't trying to sell you some fad product know this.

You are stuck in bad science from the dark ages, poster. There is literally a mountain of medical research evidence that totally disproves the calories in/calories out (CICO) theory of weight loss. It is total bunk. It does not acknowledge the differences of calories sources nor the very complex interworkings of hormones and other factors in the body, and how very individual we are.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/stop-counting-calories

I could literally post links all day long that reiterate that CICO is total and complete bullshit. Only closed minded gym rats and people selling BS diet methods are still squawking CICO to people. Get with the times and the nutritional science.

I think you're taking that article too seriously. It suggests that you need to eat healthy and exercise in order to lose weight. The reason being, you get bigger bang for your buck if you eat chicken breast instead of Twinkies for lunch. In the end, it's still CICO really, just that high-quality calories makes it easier to maintain the weight.

No, there is a mountain of evidence against the CICO theory of weight loss. Because all calories aren’t the same - because our bodies don’t utilize all of the calories in some foods, and overutilize calories from other foods. Because hormones massively impact the bodies ability to convert consumed energy to fuel the body, and where that fuel will go.

But go ahead and hold onto your stupid wrongheaded gym acquired nutritional junk science beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most women are more motivated to look good when they are complimented not criticized. So find something you like about your wife's appearance and compliment it. Tell her that you love when she wears [insert whatever you actually like on her that she feels confident in]. When you give her positive feedback on the things that you like, that will encourage her to do them more. (Assuming that you also put effort into your appearance).

Even though I’m somewhat overweight my husband often compliments me on how I look and I really appreciate it after many years. Part of my being attracted to him is just that.

So I should compliment her even if it's a lie?

You need to look harder to find something you like. Do you think you are a middle aged prince and it's easy to find you attractive?

In my 30's and 40's my wife complained that I was "underweight" (though I was about 5'9" 175 and ran more marathons) and that I needed more weight so I could appear to be more manly.

I started lifting weights more in my 50's (gaining the weight she wanted me to gain) and definitely think I look better than I did 10 years ago.

Meanwhile, she let herself go.

So there's that.

You sound like a wimp. Stop complaining and divorce her instead of being a sad sack.

I don't want to break up my family.