Sad about no longer being attracted to DW

[Anonymous]

Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

[Anonymous]

You know, OP is allowed to have his feelings. His wife gained a lot of weight and he’s not attracted to her anymore- that’s fair. Men are allowed to have feelings and shouldn’t be shamed for it. How he expresses those feelings is going to make a big difference in his marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most women are more motivated to look good when they are complimented not criticized. So find something you like about your wife's appearance and compliment it. Tell her that you love when she wears [insert whatever you actually like on her that she feels confident in]. When you give her positive feedback on the things that you like, that will encourage her to do them more. (Assuming that you also put effort into your appearance).

Even though I’m somewhat overweight my husband often compliments me on how I look and I really appreciate it after many years. Part of my being attracted to him is just that.

So I should compliment her even if it's a lie?

You need to look harder to find something you like. Do you think you are a middle aged prince and it's easy to find you attractive?

In my 30's and 40's my wife complained that I was "underweight" (though I was about 5'9" 175 and ran more marathons) and that I needed more weight so I could appear to be more manly.

I started lifting weights more in my 50's (gaining the weight she wanted me to gain) and definitely think I look better than I did 10 years ago.

Meanwhile, she let herself go.

So there's that.

You sound like a wimp. Stop complaining and divorce her instead of being a sad sack.

I don't want to break up my family.

Do you have daughters? They will pick up on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, OP is allowed to have his feelings. His wife gained a lot of weight and he’s not attracted to her anymore- that’s fair. Men are allowed to have feelings and shouldn’t be shamed for it. How he expresses those feelings is going to make a big difference in his marriage.

Thank you.

Not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea that women (or anyone) can lose weight only if they have the time to work out and cook healthy food is a lie spread to sell stuff (like gym memberships, personal trainers, and expensive groceries) and to make people feel better about being fat. If you want to lose weight, you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. The most efficient way to do that is to eat less, which means developing better habits about your food consumption. Plus, eating less takes LESS time and costs LESS money. The amount your body burns in its resting state declines as you age, which means that to avoid gaining weight as you age, you have to also reduce the amount you eat. It's very simple, and the nutritionists who aren't trying to sell you some fad product know this.

You are stuck in bad science from the dark ages, poster. There is literally a mountain of medical research evidence that totally disproves the calories in/calories out (CICO) theory of weight loss. It is total bunk. It does not acknowledge the differences of calories sources nor the very complex interworkings of hormones and other factors in the body, and how very individual we are.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/stop-counting-calories

I could literally post links all day long that reiterate that CICO is total and complete bullshit. Only closed minded gym rats and people selling BS diet methods are still squawking CICO to people. Get with the times and the nutritional science.

I think you're taking that article too seriously. It suggests that you need to eat healthy and exercise in order to lose weight. The reason being, you get bigger bang for your buck if you eat chicken breast instead of Twinkies for lunch. In the end, it's still CICO really, just that high-quality calories makes it easier to maintain the weight.

No, there is a mountain of evidence against the CICO theory of weight loss. Because all calories aren’t the same - because our bodies don’t utilize all of the calories in some foods, and overutilize calories from other foods. Because hormones massively impact the bodies ability to convert consumed energy to fuel the body, and where that fuel will go.

But go ahead and hold onto your stupid wrongheaded gym acquired nutritional junk science beliefs.

Go ahead, you can eat another Snickers bar -- the calories won't count!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my wife and I love our family. We have 2 beautiful children, common values, and compatible parenting styles. DW is smart and has a successful career. I respect her and I am grateful to her for giving us our children.

That being said, she let herself go after the kids were born. She is an attractive woman, but she put on quite a bit of weight (the youngest is 8 by now), and she frequently looks frumpy. Of course I would never dare to say anything and would never cheat, but I am just sad and an anonymous forum is the only place I can admit it.

Flame away.

Honey?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, OP is allowed to have his feelings. His wife gained a lot of weight and he’s not attracted to her anymore- that’s fair. Men are allowed to have feelings and shouldn’t be shamed for it. How he expresses those feelings is going to make a big difference in his marriage.

He's expressing them and not just on this board. It's impossible not to.

[Anonymous]

Is your wife a stay at home mom? If not, you should make more money so she can quit working. That will give her hours each day to focus on her appearance. All the very fit moms I know either don’t work or work very part time, and spend time at the gym, tennis, marathon training, Pilates, etc while their kids are at school. They also have time for the all the botox, eyebrow, and hair appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

So, serious question - would you be happy if she starved herself to look like how you wanted her to? If she was miserable because she denied herself constantly and worried about how she looked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

A lot of men are really bad at sex. That is what is not getting discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most women are more motivated to look good when they are complimented not criticized. So find something you like about your wife's appearance and compliment it. Tell her that you love when she wears [insert whatever you actually like on her that she feels confident in]. When you give her positive feedback on the things that you like, that will encourage her to do them more. (Assuming that you also put effort into your appearance).

Even though I’m somewhat overweight my husband often compliments me on how I look and I really appreciate it after many years. Part of my being attracted to him is just that.

So I should compliment her even if it's a lie?

You need to look harder to find something you like. Do you think you are a middle aged prince and it's easy to find you attractive?

In my 30's and 40's my wife complained that I was "underweight" (though I was about 5'9" 175 and ran more marathons) and that I needed more weight so I could appear to be more manly.

I started lifting weights more in my 50's (gaining the weight she wanted me to gain) and definitely think I look better than I did 10 years ago.

Meanwhile, she let herself go.

So there's that.

It's starting to sound like you just don't even like her. You seriously cannot think of one nice thing to say about your wife's appearance? Eyes? Skin? Smile? Hair color? Outfit she wears on a date? People don't usually find it impossible to say something nice about someone else's appearance unless they really dislike them. Something else is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be upset if my husband put on like 100 extra pounds for no good reason too. I'd probably divorce him bc I don't find that attractive or want to be associated with someone who is that fat in a daily basis. If it's from like a legit health issue (cancer) different story but I see it all the time: women have kids and then get super fat. I'm a woman and have 3 kids and am still at my thin college weight.

OP, is it 100 pounds we're talking about?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea that women (or anyone) can lose weight only if they have the time to work out and cook healthy food is a lie spread to sell stuff (like gym memberships, personal trainers, and expensive groceries) and to make people feel better about being fat. If you want to lose weight, you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. The most efficient way to do that is to eat less, which means developing better habits about your food consumption. Plus, eating less takes LESS time and costs LESS money. The amount your body burns in its resting state declines as you age, which means that to avoid gaining weight as you age, you have to also reduce the amount you eat. It's very simple, and the nutritionists who aren't trying to sell you some fad product know this.

You are stuck in bad science from the dark ages, poster. There is literally a mountain of medical research evidence that totally disproves the calories in/calories out (CICO) theory of weight loss. It is total bunk. It does not acknowledge the differences of calories sources nor the very complex interworkings of hormones and other factors in the body, and how very individual we are.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/stop-counting-calories

I could literally post links all day long that reiterate that CICO is total and complete bullshit. Only closed minded gym rats and people selling BS diet methods are still squawking CICO to people. Get with the times and the nutritional science.

I think you're taking that article too seriously. It suggests that you need to eat healthy and exercise in order to lose weight. The reason being, you get bigger bang for your buck if you eat chicken breast instead of Twinkies for lunch. In the end, it's still CICO really, just that high-quality calories makes it easier to maintain the weight.

No, there is a mountain of evidence against the CICO theory of weight loss. Because all calories aren’t the same - because our bodies don’t utilize all of the calories in some foods, and overutilize calories from other foods. Because hormones massively impact the bodies ability to convert consumed energy to fuel the body, and where that fuel will go.

But go ahead and hold onto your stupid wrongheaded gym acquired nutritional junk science beliefs.

Go ahead, you can eat another Snickers bar -- the calories won't count!

Right, because that’s what the quality of calories + lifestyle theory of weight loss teaches.

Moron.

~ person losing 1.5 lbs weekly and never counting calories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your wife a stay at home mom? If not, you should make more money so she can quit working. That will give her hours each day to focus on her appearance. All the very fit moms I know either don’t work or work very part time, and spend time at the gym, tennis, marathon training, Pilates, etc while their kids are at school. They also have time for the all the botox, eyebrow, and hair appointments.

OP said she is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you say something?

Loving couples tell each other these things. Don't fall for the DCUM saboteurs who tell you to always keep criticism to yourself. When it's constructive, and impacts your relationship with your wife, you HAVE to say something.

Also the body-positivity movement is deleterious to our health as a population. No, excess fat is NOT healthy. This is why we have a diabetes epidemic in our country. Overweight and obese people are eating their way to strokes, heart attacks, dementia and diabetes. Their loved ones will suffer the economic fallout (because the US has decided that healthcare should be exorbitant) and the caregiving burden. It's NOT good for them to be told nothing, or be told: "way to go, you're beautiful at any weight!".

So please say something.

+1

My husband said something to me after I had kids. I am grateful to him for being honest with me. He also supported me by paying for a trainer 3x a week, a gym membership, and watching kids on Saturday mornings so I exercise. I'm a SAHM. I went back to work for a short time, and I did not have the energy to work out anymore during this time, so if your wife has a really stressful job she may be too depleted to exercise. In your situation, I think you should tell your wife the truth but also say that you want to be healthier too. Do something about the food you eat and what you have in the house. Try a plant-based whole foods diet with turkey, chicken, and fish, low in sugar and fat. Suggest doing really active things in your free time together.

You say you both get plenty of exercise, but I don't think that can be the case. How much exercise and what are you doing?

Being a good partner means telling the other person the truth even when it's painful, but being supportive.