How many kids is feasible for female atty?

[Anonymous]

I'm a female attorney with twins (spontaneous, although we thought we wanted two anyway). My husband is super involved. But I think the key is what kind of law are you practicing? I don't mean area per se, but being a DOJ GS-14 versus a BigLaw partner are two very different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally depends on your job and your ability/willingness to outsource. I'm a female government attorney and most other females have 2 kids and some have 1. I only know one female attorney with 3 and their life seems out of control. I don't know any female attorneys at firms with more than 2 and they outsource a lot - au pairs, nannies, house keeper etc. The thing with female attorneys is that they most likely have patterners who are also professionals and have their own careers. Male attorneys (especially at big firms) are more likely to have wives who stay at home or have part time/low commitment jobs.

When I was with the government we all had two kids except for one person who had three (and some had none). The one with three definitely has her life under control (more than some with two) so I think that's more a personality thing than a number of kids thing.

[Anonymous]

Many of the women attorneys I know who have children have a DH that is a Mr. Mom. Not all, certainly, but many.

A feasible number of kids for me was/is 0.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most female partners at my biglaw firm have 2-3; having just one is not the norm. I don’t know how they manage it all - a few have husbands at home but most have lawyer husbands who also have full time jobs.

My husbands co worker has an au pair for her teenagers.

A teenager who can't take care of themselves and who needs an au pair has parents who have failed the most important aspect of parenting that of teaching your child to be independent!

Ok, but from ages 13-15 they can't drive themselves, so maybe this is where the au pair steps in. I have no dog in this fight as I don't have teenagers or an au pair (my kids are younger) but I could see how the afternoon sports stuff could be a lot at that age.

[Anonymous]

BigLaw friend had two children, and maintained a frenetic pace (e.g. the stereotypical e-mails from the delivery room) with the help of her househusband, but then cracked and left law entirely to run a small business. Not an easy thing to do or maintain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am female attorney with a toddler and people keep pressuring me to have more. However, most female attorneys have one or no kids. How many kids is it feasible for a female attorney to have without impacting marriage and legal career badly? (Assuming the father is hands-on, excellent dad, working a full-time job?) I know this is a weird question but there's nobody I can ask in my family since I'm the first attorney in the family TIA!!

Depends on whether they want to be a mother (to mother) or outsource it. Also depends on what kind of attorney they are. Way too vague a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two teens and for most of the last 17 years, I’ve felt like I was either failing at my career or failing at parenting. I don’t know if the number of kids is as important as accepting the idea that you can only excel in one of these areas at any given time.

As I approach being an empty nester, I greatly regret not putting my career in the backseat.

+1

[Anonymous]

I know someone who has 5 kids in big law. Husband works as well.