How many kids is feasible for female atty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on what type of attorney and career you have, how much support you have, and how hands on you want to be as a mom.

When I was in Big Law - the women who made partner and had kids had help beyond daycare or a 40 hour a week nanny - they had multiple nannies, live in childcare, and/or family that were always available - as well as other household help.

There’s no way to bill 2100+ hours a year and not have that level of support. But the frustrating part is they often rarely share how much support they have - so when a new mom tries to do it without that level of help - things fall apart.

OP here. Thanks. I have no village except for daycare and a sick sitter (cares for LO when home from daycare while we both work). SO's mom has severe mental issues so SO doesn't trust her alone with our LO. My parents help when they can but both are busy working/volunteering and LO's too high energy for them to keep up 100%. My extended family lives down South with a bunch of kids homeschooled so whenever I ask "how doable is X number of kids," I get a noncommittal 'have a handful of kids!' which tells me nothing.

[Anonymous]

In my government office most of the female attorneys have 0, 1, or 2. The workload is less intense than a firm but more intense than many other government offices, so ymmv

[Anonymous]

Find a great well paid nanny. Then you can have more if you want.

[Anonymous]

I think you are looking at this question all wrong. Ask yourself how many kids you truly want to have. Then find that career path that supports this.

[Anonymous]

Just sick with one OP

[Anonymous]

I'm a female attorney with kids.

I have two kids. One when I was an AUSA (challenging but my boss was incredibly supportive and oddly managing my own litigation meant I managed my own deadlines). I was recruited out to biglaw and realized I was pregnant with my second. It. Was. A. Shitshow. The amount of discrimination was insane. People are so cut throat and any way to get "more" by knocking out competition is the way things go in biglaw. It's a zero-sum game.

I got very, very lucky. I had a client who loved my work and when I took maternity leave asked me to go in house instead of going back to the firm I've been in house for nearly a decade since and with elementary kids work from home full time with one week a quarter where I travel to headquarters for meetings.

Honestly, the big law industry is trash. I am very lucky but it's just rife with discrimination, pointless deadlines and fire drills by micromanaging bosses.

The only happy women who are mothers I know are women who are feds or working in-house. Even then it can be trash if your boss is awful. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

First, do you and your partner want and can afford more kids? That’s the central question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two teens and for most of the last 17 years, I’ve felt like I was either failing at my career or failing at parenting. I don’t know if the number of kids is as important as accepting the idea that you can only excel in one of these areas at any given time.

As I approach being an empty nester, I greatly regret not putting my career in the backseat.

Until my oldest was in 3rd grade, I twisted myself in knots to try to make it all work. Had an amazing nanny and wonderful family and great husband but I was coming apart at the seams (which may be just me, since clearly others make it work). So I went part-time and in the past 7 years I’ve never looked back. I get frustrated by being undervalued as a part-timer and by constantly having to enforce my boundaries about how much and when I’ll work, but like everyone says, kids grow up fast. That 3rd-grader is now driving and we’re looking at colleges. 7 years went by so fast and I’m glad I took a step back from work. But good for those who can make it all work - I admire them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a female attorney with kids.

I have two kids. One when I was an AUSA (challenging but my boss was incredibly supportive and oddly managing my own litigation meant I managed my own deadlines). I was recruited out to biglaw and realized I was pregnant with my second. It. Was. A. Shitshow. The amount of discrimination was insane. People are so cut throat and any way to get "more" by knocking out competition is the way things go in biglaw. It's a zero-sum game.

I got very, very lucky. I had a client who loved my work and when I took maternity leave asked me to go in house instead of going back to the firm I've been in house for nearly a decade since and with elementary kids work from home full time with one week a quarter where I travel to headquarters for meetings.

Honestly, the big law industry is trash. I am very lucky but it's just rife with discrimination, pointless deadlines and fire drills by micromanaging bosses.

The only happy women who are mothers I know are women who are feds or working in-house. Even then it can be trash if your boss is awful. YMMV.

OP here, thanks for your perspective!

[Anonymous]

It's OK to just have one.

[Anonymous]

In your place of employment, look at how the kids of attorneys turn out and the relationships between spouses.

[Anonymous]

Happy to give anecdotal evidence, but we're missing some critical pieces of information. What kind of law are you in, OP? How old are you? What year out from law school are you? Do you WANT another child?

I'm at a boutique firm with 2 elementary school aged kids. I definitely couldn't do it in big law, and it frankly did delay my partnership by a few years, but I've got a comfortable balance here now.

[Anonymous]

This is not a question for the internet.

And you say you need help figuring this out because no one in your family is an attorney—but surely most everyone you went to law school with is? And most people you work with? Or maybe you are one of a gazillion trolls on here who enjoy pretending to be a lawyer?

I’m a lawyer and I had zero.

[Anonymous]

I'm an attorney with two kids. I would say it depends on the job and the type of law. Can you compartmentalize and stop thinking about work the minute you are off? I think that would be hard to do as a litigator but it is doable in some government legal jobs. Do you want to enjoy your kids' childhood? Attorneys with enough income can hire help and outsource a ton and can make it work, but these moms are ok not being involved in the details of childhood. If you are ok with that and have the income, go for it. If not and you want to actually spend time with each child and be involved, then you have to decide kids vs career. Women cannot have it all.

[Anonymous]

Just have one snd focus on yiur career and still have time for your child.