Two entrees?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

Don't want a conversation like that? Don't act rude and entitled. There is no defense for ordering two entrees when someone else is paying. None. Inexcusable behavior.

This conversation should only be between child and parent. In-laws need to butt out. Clearly husband isn't as bothered or he would have said something now. OP is powerless in this situation which is why she moans uselessly here in reality she would never have the balls to say this in person. Her husband would probably be appalled and shut her down anyway. But keep fantasizing!

Oh honey, did you not read where OP canceled one of FIL's orders? I'd say that was pretty ballsy, and apparently DH did not "shut that down." You tried, though! You tried so hard.

Babe, that one time. And he is still doing it. Keep on losing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's telling you: your choice of restaurant is not what he likes. The portions are small or he feels it's likely he'll have a bad meal, and needs something else to eat.

He picks the restaurant or decides from suggestions! Seriously we never force him to go somewhere he won’t like the food. Trust me he can definitely speak up when something bothers him. The person who has trouble with that is me (and my husband too)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have your own food issues as well OP.

Sure! I hate wasted food and I hate people who eat more than 2-3 helpings when it isn’t a celebration. If it’s just a regular Saturday no one needs the chicken parm and the hamburger plus a side salad plus the calimari and wash that down with the monster sundae. No one needs to eat that much! And if you do choose to eat that much, fine but I don’t want to pay for it (especially since the dinner conversation was just listening to a lecture/rant). I don’t live very extravagantly so maybe that’s another psychological issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

Don't want a conversation like that? Don't act rude and entitled. There is no defense for ordering two entrees when someone else is paying. None. Inexcusable behavior.

This conversation should only be between child and parent. In-laws need to butt out. Clearly husband isn't as bothered or he would have said something now. OP is powerless in this situation which is why she moans uselessly here in reality she would never have the balls to say this in person. Her husband would probably be appalled and shut her down anyway. But keep fantasizing!

Oh honey, did you not read where OP canceled one of FIL's orders? I'd say that was pretty ballsy, and apparently DH did not "shut that down." You tried, though! You tried so hard.

My husband gets so exasperated and embarrassed when his dad does this. He has definitely said things in the past too. I thought I posted earlier how my husband literally cut a pie slice in half when father in law took a ridiculous piece of pie.

The time when one of our kids begged us to order a dessert (I called it a monster sundae), some ridiculous thing that cost nearly $20, we shut that down explaining to our kids that it was really unhealthy and really expensive. What do you say when Fil smirks and orders it FOR HIMSELF???? I genuinely thought to myself okay he’s undermining my parenting but I assumed he would take one bite and slide it down to my kids. He ate the entire thing, not offering a bite to anyone else, and then hid in the bathroom until we paid the bill.

There is no way he didn’t realize how annoyed we were, especially my husband. DH even said, you’re going to order this, even after hearing that whole discussion? And FIL smirked and said it looked really good.

Something isn’t right with him I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

Don't want a conversation like that? Don't act rude and entitled. There is no defense for ordering two entrees when someone else is paying. None. Inexcusable behavior.

This conversation should only be between child and parent. In-laws need to butt out. Clearly husband isn't as bothered or he would have said something now. OP is powerless in this situation which is why she moans uselessly here in reality she would never have the balls to say this in person. Her husband would probably be appalled and shut her down anyway. But keep fantasizing!

Oh honey, did you not read where OP canceled one of FIL's orders? I'd say that was pretty ballsy, and apparently DH did not "shut that down." You tried, though! You tried so hard.

My husband gets so exasperated and embarrassed when his dad does this. He has definitely said things in the past too. I thought I posted earlier how my husband literally cut a pie slice in half when father in law took a ridiculous piece of pie.

The time when one of our kids begged us to order a dessert (I called it a monster sundae), some ridiculous thing that cost nearly $20, we shut that down explaining to our kids that it was really unhealthy and really expensive. What do you say when Fil smirks and orders it FOR HIMSELF???? I genuinely thought to myself okay he’s undermining my parenting but I assumed he would take one bite and slide it down to my kids. He ate the entire thing, not offering a bite to anyone else, and then hid in the bathroom until we paid the bill.

There is no way he didn’t realize how annoyed we were, especially my husband. DH even said, you’re going to order this, even after hearing that whole discussion? And FIL smirked and said it looked really good.

Something isn’t right with him I think.

Also the Monster Sundae DID look good but I know we would have had a barf situation if I let my kids have that. They got just one scoop of ice cream instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's rude but some rich people want constant proof that people aren't after their money. Making you treat, and ordering a bizarre amount of food, while bragging about first class international flights - it all seems like a test to me.

I'd let DH say something if something has to be said, but I'd probably just suck it up. Not because he's not rude (yes, of course he is) but because it's infrequent. He lives across the country; call it a quirk and decide not to be bothered.

This is spot on.

+1 And you'll probably inherit his money when he passes, right? He can't take it with him. So try not to sweat the small stuff from an older family member you don't see very often.

+2 This isn't about 2 entrees OP. It's about your FIL being rude. But it could be worse, and PP is right that your family will probably benefit from inheritances at some point.

I agree that this is not about food it’s about being rude. But we won’t get a dime from FIL. My kids might get some money for college, maybe. But when MIL died, he made it clear to us that we had good solid jobs and he didn’t think we needed any money. My husband agreed with him. It’s fine. I didn’t expect anything and he doesn’t have a lot either.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does he eat a lot at home too? [/quote]

Yes. Whenever he cooks though, I notice he carefully monitors everyone’s food. For instance he’ll put expensive cuts of meet next to his plate and put salads and bread by our plates. This irritates me now that I noticed it. He will carefully dole out a slice or two, and keep the plate by his plate. When I’ve tried to imitate this (I sound insufferably petty, I know) he will say “no I want the meat next to me so I can have as much as I want”. My husband will usually say “dad, remember you’re not eating alone!!”

My husband has said in the past “dad, you can’t get seconds and thirds until everyone is finished with their first”. One dark day FIL took one fourth of the pie I had made for himself. One fourth of a 9 inch pie pan!! My husband actually cut that in half and gave half to one of our children. He said “I don’t want the kids thinking that is remotely a reasonable slice”. FIL sulked for the rest of the day. I was secretly thrilled.

The true mystery here is how does he remain only chubby? I feel like I would turn into a walrus if I ate like him. DH thinks maybe he waits until we visit or he visits us to eat like a glutton. [/quote]

Hmmm. This sounds like something beyond rude. It sounds disordered. Are there any psychological or psychiatric issues at play? Social issues? Did FIL ever experience food insecurity? Any other trauma around food? Perhaps you should speak to your children about FIL’s behavior and why you don’t want your children behaving in this way (and clearly there are multiple reasons) before FIL is back and sitting at the table essentially resource-guarding meat or a pie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your husband to deal with it plus only take him to Denny’s.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I will strongly consider this. But this is how I think it will go. Fil will either veto the restaurant or go, make a huge deal about paying, and then suggest a more expensive restaurant the next time. And when that bill comes, he’ll be hiding in the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does he eat a lot at home too? [/quote]

Yes. Whenever he cooks though, I notice he carefully monitors everyone’s food. For instance he’ll put expensive cuts of meet next to his plate and put salads and bread by our plates. This irritates me now that I noticed it. He will carefully dole out a slice or two, and keep the plate by his plate. When I’ve tried to imitate this (I sound insufferably petty, I know) he will say “no I want the meat next to me so I can have as much as I want”. My husband will usually say “dad, remember you’re not eating alone!!”

My husband has said in the past “dad, you can’t get seconds and thirds until everyone is finished with their first”. One dark day FIL took one fourth of the pie I had made for himself. One fourth of a 9 inch pie pan!! My husband actually cut that in half and gave half to one of our children. He said “I don’t want the kids thinking that is remotely a reasonable slice”. FIL sulked for the rest of the day. I was secretly thrilled.

The true mystery here is how does he remain only chubby? I feel like I would turn into a walrus if I ate like him. DH thinks maybe he waits until we visit or he visits us to eat like a glutton. [/quote]

Hmmm. This sounds like something beyond rude. It sounds disordered. Are there any psychological or psychiatric issues at play? Social issues? Did FIL ever experience food insecurity? Any other trauma around food? Perhaps you should speak to your children about FIL’s behavior and why you don’t want your children behaving in this way (and clearly there are multiple reasons) before FIL is back and sitting at the table essentially resource-guarding meat or a pie.[/quote]

The kids 100% know something is off about FIL’s relationship to food. Once he took my kids to lunch. It was McDonald’s and he told them happy meals were too expensive and to order off the dollar menu. Between that incident and him ordering and hoarding the monster sundae, they are aware of why he struggles to find people to dine with socially.

FiL and I get along great, but he doesn’t really talk about his childhood to me or my husband. He’s more of a surface level guy. He can talk about the weather for hours but other than hinting to my husband about having an uninvolved mother and a father who was frequently away on business, we don’t know a lot about them. My husbands grandparents died when we was a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

Don't want a conversation like that? Don't act rude and entitled. There is no defense for ordering two entrees when someone else is paying. None. Inexcusable behavior.

This conversation should only be between child and parent. In-laws need to butt out. Clearly husband isn't as bothered or he would have said something now. OP is powerless in this situation which is why she moans uselessly here in reality she would never have the balls to say this in person. Her husband would probably be appalled and shut her down anyway. But keep fantasizing!

Oh honey, did you not read where OP canceled one of FIL's orders? I'd say that was pretty ballsy, and apparently DH did not "shut that down." You tried, though! You tried so hard.

Oh, look — it’s the condescending term-of-endearment poster contributing nothing of value. “Honey” here and “Babe” on a later post here. I think they are avoiding “Sweetie” now because they’ve been called out on that so many times. It sounds so ignorant and 20th century.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does he eat a lot at home too? [/quote]

Yes. Whenever he cooks though, I notice he carefully monitors everyone’s food. For instance he’ll put expensive cuts of meet next to his plate and put salads and bread by our plates. This irritates me now that I noticed it. He will carefully dole out a slice or two, and keep the plate by his plate. When I’ve tried to imitate this (I sound insufferably petty, I know) he will say “no I want the meat next to me so I can have as much as I want”. My husband will usually say “dad, remember you’re not eating alone!!”

My husband has said in the past “dad, you can’t get seconds and thirds until everyone is finished with their first”. One dark day FIL took one fourth of the pie I had made for himself. One fourth of a 9 inch pie pan!! My husband actually cut that in half and gave half to one of our children. He said “I don’t want the kids thinking that is remotely a reasonable slice”. FIL sulked for the rest of the day. I was secretly thrilled.

The true mystery here is how does he remain only chubby? I feel like I would turn into a walrus if I ate like him. DH thinks maybe he waits until we visit or he visits us to eat like a glutton. [/quote]

Hmmm. This sounds like something beyond rude. It sounds disordered. Are there any psychological or psychiatric issues at play? Social issues? Did FIL ever experience food insecurity? Any other trauma around food? Perhaps you should speak to your children about FIL’s behavior and why you don’t want your children behaving in this way (and clearly there are multiple reasons) before FIL is back and sitting at the table essentially resource-guarding meat or a pie.[/quote]

The kids 100% know something is off about FIL’s relationship to food. Once he took my kids to lunch. It was McDonald’s and he told them happy meals were too expensive and to order off the dollar menu. Between that incident and him ordering and hoarding the monster sundae, they are aware of why he struggles to find people to dine with socially.

FiL and I get along great, but he doesn’t really talk about his childhood to me or my husband. He’s more of a surface level guy. He can talk about the weather for hours but other than hinting to my husband about having an uninvolved mother and a father who was frequently away on business, we don’t know a lot about them. My husbands grandparents died when we was a toddler. [/quote]

I’d bet there is trauma there that led to food hoarding behavior, a need to control other’s eating, and perhaps money hoarding as well.

Just tolerate it, educate your kids on why the behavior is bad but something you let go with FIL, and when it drives you nuts (inevitable lol) just vent to DH later. Or post on here lol.

[Anonymous]

Op here:

I have not mentioned this, but waiters have definitely questioned the two entrees. Sometimes he says they’re “for the table”. Other times he’ll say “everything looks so delicious”.

As for buffets, they are usually very expensive but we DEFINITELY go to those. At some point though you will have to go to another restaurant. Pizza places are also a go-to because we can all pretend that it’s normal to eat an entire pizza by yourself (yes a whole XL sized pizza). I have turned to Costco a lot even though I don’t much like their pizza.

I don’t go grocery shopping with him anymore because he will put things in my cart “that’s just for me!” I thought that he would insist on paying for it himself. No. He was just telling me to buy them but they were just for him. I was so annoyed but couldn’t have an argument in front of the Costco employee. I told the kids the chips, candy bars, boxes of cookies, cold cuts, and soda were for them too.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does he eat a lot at home too? [/quote]

Yes. Whenever he cooks though, I notice he carefully monitors everyone’s food. For instance he’ll put expensive cuts of meet next to his plate and put salads and bread by our plates. This irritates me now that I noticed it. He will carefully dole out a slice or two, and keep the plate by his plate. When I’ve tried to imitate this (I sound insufferably petty, I know) he will say “no I want the meat next to me so I can have as much as I want”. My husband will usually say “dad, remember you’re not eating alone!!”

My husband has said in the past “dad, you can’t get seconds and thirds until everyone is finished with their first”. One dark day FIL took one fourth of the pie I had made for himself. One fourth of a 9 inch pie pan!! My husband actually cut that in half and gave half to one of our children. He said “I don’t want the kids thinking that is remotely a reasonable slice”. FIL sulked for the rest of the day. I was secretly thrilled.

The true mystery here is how does he remain only chubby? I feel like I would turn into a walrus if I ate like him. DH thinks maybe he waits until we visit or he visits us to eat like a glutton. [/quote]

Hmmm. This sounds like something beyond rude. It sounds disordered. Are there any psychological or psychiatric issues at play? Social issues? Did FIL ever experience food insecurity? Any other trauma around food? Perhaps you should speak to your children about FIL’s behavior and why you don’t want your children behaving in this way (and clearly there are multiple reasons) before FIL is back and sitting at the table essentially resource-guarding meat or a pie.[/quote]

The kids 100% know something is off about FIL’s relationship to food. Once he took my kids to lunch. It was McDonald’s and he told them happy meals were too expensive and to order off the dollar menu. Between that incident and him ordering and hoarding the monster sundae, they are aware of why he struggles to find people to dine with socially.

FiL and I get along great, but he doesn’t really talk about his childhood to me or my husband. He’s more of a surface level guy. He can talk about the weather for hours but other than hinting to my husband about having an uninvolved mother and a father who was frequently away on business, we don’t know a lot about them. My husbands grandparents died when we was a toddler. [/quote]

I’d bet there is trauma there that led to food hoarding behavior, a need to control other’s eating, and perhaps money hoarding as well.

Just tolerate it, educate your kids on why the behavior is bad but something you let go with FIL, and when it drives you nuts (inevitable lol) just vent to DH later. Or post on here lol.[/quote]

Thanks friend.

[Anonymous]

Calmly accept it and choose cheaper places if paying for the extra entrée and appetizer are outside your budget. It’s not up to you to regulate how much he eats or what he orders. It is up to you to decide where you go for dinner and if you eat out at all.

Dad has food issues big time, but I think OP does as well. Adults don’t tell other adults how much to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's rude but some rich people want constant proof that people aren't after their money. Making you treat, and ordering a bizarre amount of food, while bragging about first class international flights - it all seems like a test to me.

I'd let DH say something if something has to be said, but I'd probably just suck it up. Not because he's not rude (yes, of course he is) but because it's infrequent. He lives across the country; call it a quirk and decide not to be bothered.

This is spot on.

+1 And you'll probably inherit his money when he passes, right? He can't take it with him. So try not to sweat the small stuff from an older family member you don't see very often.

+2 This isn't about 2 entrees OP. It's about your FIL being rude. But it could be worse, and PP is right that your family will probably benefit from inheritances at some point.

I agree that this is not about food it’s about being rude. But we won’t get a dime from FIL. My kids might get some money for college, maybe. But when MIL died, he made it clear to us that we had good solid jobs and he didn’t think we needed any money. My husband agreed with him. It’s fine. I didn’t expect anything and he doesn’t have a lot either.

Okay so why can’t you similarly make clear to him that since he has a solid retirement fund (sufficient to fund lavish travel) you are no longer going to subsidize his meals, especially since he orders far more than is reasonable.

You are going about it wrong trying to deter him from ordering copious amounts of food. You need to just ask for separate checks upfront each and every time you dine together (make sure you select restaurants that will do this) so that he can’t just hide in the bathroom and shirk paying his share.