Two entrees?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has an eating disorder, OP. Was he food-insecure growing up? Or had lots of siblings? I know you are seeing this primarily as a character flaw, greed and gluttony. But please believe me that it is an eating disorder.

He will not change, and you cannot change him. Either accept that this is how he is going to order or take him to prix-fixe places/buffets/etc.

You’re 100% right. He grew up wealthy, don’t worry about him. But I do think he has some sort of eating disorder.

He’s a difficult person to be around generally- I wonder if he was nicer whether I’d have any problems with his eating. Probably not. He’s not going to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's rude but some rich people want constant proof that people aren't after their money. Making you treat, and ordering a bizarre amount of food, while bragging about first class international flights - it all seems like a test to me.

I'd let DH say something if something has to be said, but I'd probably just suck it up. Not because he's not rude (yes, of course he is) but because it's infrequent. He lives across the country; call it a quirk and decide not to be bothered.

This is spot on.

+1 And you'll probably inherit his money when he passes, right? He can't take it with him. So try not to sweat the small stuff from an older family member you don't see very often.

No he will likely spend it down, but even if he doesn’t he has made a huge show of choosing charities to inherit it all. My kids might receive a small sum for college, nothing more.

[Anonymous]

How does he insist you pay for everything?

I would not be taking money from my kids college savings to pay for dinner for my wealthy relative. On 2 fed salaries, you are doing well enough to not qualify for any aid, but not well enough to actually afford college tuition.

Next time you go out to dinner, when you are ordering, make it VERY clear you want separate checks to the waiter.

Long term, this will actually improve your relationship with FIL. Resentment will ruin it for both your husband and yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has an eating disorder, OP. Was he food-insecure growing up? Or had lots of siblings? I know you are seeing this primarily as a character flaw, greed and gluttony. But please believe me that it is an eating disorder.

He will not change, and you cannot change him. Either accept that this is how he is going to order or take him to prix-fixe places/buffets/etc.

You’re 100% right. He grew up wealthy, don’t worry about him. But I do think he has some sort of eating disorder.

He’s a difficult person to be around generally- I wonder if he was nicer whether I’d have any problems with his eating. Probably not. He’s not going to change.

My wife grew up both wealthy and food-insecure. How? Both of her parents were abusive and insane. Her mother didn’t work and her father would withhold food money to control and punish her mom. Her mom, in turn, would pretend that there was even less food then there actually was, and tell my wife that they couldn’t have any dinner that night because dad wasn’t giving them food money, and they’d have to go to bed hungry.

There are a lot of people out there with food issues and it’s not always easy to tell where they came from. Wealth is no shield, for sure.

[Anonymous]

P.S. and yes, she emerged from that childhood with an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

He's telling you: your choice of restaurant is not what he likes. The portions are small or he feels it's likely he'll have a bad meal, and needs something else to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

Don't want a conversation like that? Don't act rude and entitled. There is no defense for ordering two entrees when someone else is paying. None. Inexcusable behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

Don't want a conversation like that? Don't act rude and entitled. There is no defense for ordering two entrees when someone else is paying. None. Inexcusable behavior.

This conversation should only be between child and parent. In-laws need to butt out. Clearly husband isn't as bothered or he would have said something now. OP is powerless in this situation which is why she moans uselessly here in reality she would never have the balls to say this in person. Her husband would probably be appalled and shut her down anyway. But keep fantasizing!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have your own food issues as well OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's rude but some rich people want constant proof that people aren't after their money. Making you treat, and ordering a bizarre amount of food, while bragging about first class international flights - it all seems like a test to me.

I'd let DH say something if something has to be said, but I'd probably just suck it up. Not because he's not rude (yes, of course he is) but because it's infrequent. He lives across the country; call it a quirk and decide not to be bothered.

This is spot on.

+1 And you'll probably inherit his money when he passes, right? He can't take it with him. So try not to sweat the small stuff from an older family member you don't see very often.

+2 This isn't about 2 entrees OP. It's about your FIL being rude. But it could be worse, and PP is right that your family will probably benefit from inheritances at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

Her husband needs to say it. My FIL can be rude and is the cheapest man alive. My husband will 100% put him in check. It's not in a disrespectful way, it's matter of fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

Don't want a conversation like that? Don't act rude and entitled. There is no defense for ordering two entrees when someone else is paying. None. Inexcusable behavior.

This conversation should only be between child and parent. In-laws need to butt out. Clearly husband isn't as bothered or he would have said something now. OP is powerless in this situation which is why she moans uselessly here in reality she would never have the balls to say this in person. Her husband would probably be appalled and shut her down anyway. But keep fantasizing!

Oh honey, did you not read where OP canceled one of FIL's orders? I'd say that was pretty ballsy, and apparently DH did not "shut that down." You tried, though! You tried so hard.

[Anonymous]

Tell your husband to deal with it plus only take him to Denny’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your husband to deal with it plus only take him to Denny’s.

+1 Or take him to a buffet within your budget as others have suggested. I find buffets the solution to all family dinners. Something for everyone and no price shocks.