Princeton has 8 suicides in 3 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went down an online rabbit trail the other night, reading about the Princeton creative writing instructor who has now lost both of her sons (her only children).
Each was struck by a train before they were 20 years old. One was a senior in high school and one a freshman at Princeton.
She wrote extensively about grief following the first loss and now it happened a second time.
It is haunting.

This article links to her NYT profile. It is awful. That poor family.

https://paw.princeton.edu/article/princeton-student-struck-train-was-creative-writing-son-Yiyun-Li

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbfT1FIapzM

Heartbroken to hear this

Very Sad! This is genuinely concerning.

[Anonymous]

There are suicides and mental health problems at all the schools but I attended Princeton and do have a theory about the general unhappiness I hear about. The school has always been strong in fields like CS, engineering and econ. Between that and SPIA (public policy) and ORFE (quant finance) its always had attracted a more go-go preprofessional crowd than, say, Brown or Yale. And now that enormous numbers of kids are being forced into those tracks they’re competing against each other and hitting a wall, especially at an academically rigorous school. In other words, the school is attracting more competitive, more results oriented (and as a result more unhappy) kids.

More than grades or any other kind of preparation for college kids need a strong sense of themselves. They need to understand their sense of worth is not dependent on a result and that they can pursue in college what they genuinely care about.

Princeton is strong in so many other majors—I believe kids willing to buck the current of this moment would be richly rewarded there.

[Anonymous]

My child graduated recently as a CS major at Princeton and didn’t think it was overly stressful or competitive. In fact, they say it was very collaborative. Had a great time, made wonderful friends and really loved their experience. I’m sure there are very intense students at T50 schools, but my child was always more on the laid back side. Can work hard when needed, but for the most part is easy going and all I heard about is the fun times always seemed to be having with friends. I think it comes down to the individual student and internal pressure they put on themselves?

[Anonymous]

What a waste...got their whole lives in front of them...

[Anonymous]

Most who matriculate were in the top 10% of their HS class. Mathematically, most of those students will not be in the top 10% of their university graduating class. For some, particularly if their parents have sky high pressure on GPA, this status downgrade is too much to handle. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, it seems some students are just not ready for college and especially not ready for a competitive pressure cooker college for whatever reasons. Perhaps they push through high school to get the top grades, EC’s etc and then are just burnt out. Perhaps they think an elite college is the ultimate prize at the end of high school and once they are in they feel their work is done only to find out that they have to continue to grind and the pressure is even more intense. I don’t know. Just wondering. It’s really sad.

It's probably this but even more so a feeling of "so this is it?" You know, that empty feeling that can rear it's head when you achieve your goal and realize that you're not any happier than before. Happiness, contentment, peace have to come from within and not from your external circumstances or anything you've accomplished. I struggle with this. Sometimes the emptiness is larger, the larger the accomplishment.

In the late 80s, an acquaintance of mine lost his brother to suicide (deliberate overdose at home). Kid had just graduated from a "W" school and was headed to an Ivy. I've never forgotten that.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never met anyone who raved about their time at Princeton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met anyone who raved about their time at Princeton.

That says more about you than it does about Princeton. Princeton alumni are about as loyal as they get, and the reunions are a very, very big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most who matriculate were in the top 10% of their HS class. Mathematically, most of those students will not be in the top 10% of their university graduating class. For some, particularly if their parents have sky high pressure on GPA, this status downgrade is too much to handle. Very sad.

This is what so many kids and parents do not understand, and it's heartbreaking! I went to a T10, 30+ years ago. During orientation, I recall they told the students (and parents in their sessions), that look around, all of you were in the T10% of HS most in the T5%, you are the "cream of the crop". Well now you are surrounded by kids all just like you. There is no bottom 90% like in HS. So you will get your first B/Cs, you may not be "at the top" and that is "okay". And I watched it happen, some kids were very stressed, especially the Pre-med students where your GPA does matter alot.

For this reasons, I think it is very important to think if a "TOP schools" is really the best for your kid. If med school is the ultimate goal, a tier below where your kid can more easily get As might be a better choice. Fact is most stem courses are graded on a curve....so unless everyone is earning a 90%+ in the course, your grade will be determined by "the overall level of smarts in the course". Much easier to get an A/B+ in Organic Chemistry at a school where you are in the top 20% of students vs one where everyone is a striver/4.0+ mentality

[Anonymous]

Yes my spouse went to Princeton. I went to Yale. Night and day between the reunions. I’m actually jealous of Princeton and their reunions. Yale’s pales in comparison to Princeton’s energy, school spirit and festivities (food quality too)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met anyone who raved about their time at Princeton.

Then you haven't met many tigers. They're famously enthusiastic alumni.

[Anonymous]

Princeton alumna here, graduated in the 1990s. It is great to be a Princeton alum, but being a student at Princeton is a mixed bag. I made great friends and it has helped my career at various points. But academically Princeton has been a really difficult place for at least 100 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, it seems some students are just not ready for college and especially not ready for a competitive pressure cooker college for whatever reasons. Perhaps they push through high school to get the top grades, EC’s etc and then are just burnt out. Perhaps they think an elite college is the ultimate prize at the end of high school and once they are in they feel their work is done only to find out that they have to continue to grind and the pressure is even more intense. I don’t know. Just wondering. It’s really sad.

It's probably this but even more so a feeling of "so this is it?" You know, that empty feeling that can rear it's head when you achieve your goal and realize that you're not any happier than before. Happiness, contentment, peace have to come from within and not from your external circumstances or anything you've accomplished. I struggle with this. Sometimes the emptiness is larger, the larger the accomplishment.

I think you've hit the nail on the head. I teach at a T10 and one of my students who is struggling with mental health describes feeling this way. I worry about her all the time and I hope she finally achieves a more stable happiness that isn't tied to achievement.

[Anonymous]

As a PP above said: most current students never speak of "loving" their time at Princeton. Princeton becomes more fun and memorable after they leave as evidenced by the re-unions. In fact the enthusiasm for the reunions gives me the impression of a group that has been through some "tough" social and academic trenches and now, on some level, realize the difficult experience didn't really matter in the grand scheme of life.