Princeton has 8 suicides in 3 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean about money-based codes at Princeton? Do kids show off their money as status?

Princeton has more kids on FA and offers the most generous FA package (esp as percentage of COA) than any of their peer schools.

Yes and the rest are extremely wealthy. It’s a split society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These kids are on a never-ending treadmill. It makes me so sad. Within a few months of showing up at a top school after knocking themselves out in HS, they are already worried about getting a succession of impressive, crowd-pleasing summer internships. Everything has been pulled forward from my own experience in college. I have a college sophomore at a top school and she started her sophomore summer search last July and just got an offer for this summer, but had already begun the junior summer (2025) internship search — a year and a half away. There was an overlap period of several weeks where she was doing parallel internship searches for 2024 AND 2025. There is so much pressure to do well academically, get all the right internships and job experiences and granularly plan out one’s life for the next 10 years. And, then post the whole thing on Instagram, LinkedIn etc., for the world to see. This occurs against a backdrop of a sea change in the job market. We shouldn’t be surprised when they wonder, “is this all worth it?” and “why am I doing this?”. I try to convince my DD to take one day at a time and figure it all out as she goes along, as I did, but that hasn’t been especially persuasive to this generation. I worry that the opportunities for today’s kids coming out of a place like Princeton perhaps really are fewer and that is what they see and feel. 30 years ago the vast majority of the graduating class would go on to have productive and meaningful lives and maybe a much smaller subset of the class will do that now, or perversely really big opportunities for a very select few.

Yes they're all living as characters from Sartre's No Exit - in high pressure "top" high schools and "top " colleges full of stress, anxiety and nonstop comparison. But there is an exit. They don't have to compare themselves to their peers. They can take longer to graduate, spread out courses, give themselves time to pause and grow and enjoy life.

The problem is that their parents and peers have brainwashed them to believe that the goal in life is to enter hard places - competitive HS, sports/clubs/internships/ECs, selective college, more internships, selective grad/prof school, high paying job ... the entire focus is on entering a place, and surviving the toxicity, but not finding "better fit" enviros that have less pressure and where they can thrive: not merely survive.

So many will be lost to suicide, self harm, and addiction and mental health distress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suicides are at all schools. but more common at "top" schools.. I am guessing the reason is obvious. So sad nonetheless

This.

It's hyper competitive parents who erode their child confidence through years of emotional abuse. They are "good enough" when they achieve certain benchmarks. Mostly Asians - ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cornell just had another suicide. That school is HARD, and the weather often makes it bleak!

Is it the social atmosphere or academics? What makes it so difficult?

It’s the type of student they admit imo (anxious, striver)

Exactly. 42% (544/1284) major in Engineering, Computer Science, or Econ.

Add biological sciences (for the gunner, pre-med types) and we are well over half the class. Cite: https://nces.ed.gov/collegenavigator/?q=princeton&s=all&id=186131#programs

Princeton has built its bed; now it has to lie in it. Hope its donors are happy...

Over half of undergrads at Yale now major in STEM.

Many STEM majors were not included in the above Princeton data.

But you want to compare all STEM majors between the two schools, go do it with this link and then get back to us:
https://nces.ed.gov/collegenavigator/?q=yale&s=all&id=130794

In fact, you should have done that before posting; it would have saved us the trouble of reading your misleading post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids are on a never-ending treadmill. It makes me so sad. Within a few months of showing up at a top school after knocking themselves out in HS, they are already worried about getting a succession of impressive, crowd-pleasing summer internships. Everything has been pulled forward from my own experience in college. I have a college sophomore at a top school and she started her sophomore summer search last July and just got an offer for this summer, but had already begun the junior summer (2025) internship search — a year and a half away. There was an overlap period of several weeks where she was doing parallel internship searches for 2024 AND 2025. There is so much pressure to do well academically, get all the right internships and job experiences and granularly plan out one’s life for the next 10 years. And, then post the whole thing on Instagram, LinkedIn etc., for the world to see. This occurs against a backdrop of a sea change in the job market. We shouldn’t be surprised when they wonder, “is this all worth it?” and “why am I doing this?”. I try to convince my DD to take one day at a time and figure it all out as she goes along, as I did, but that hasn’t been especially persuasive to this generation. I worry that the opportunities for today’s kids coming out of a place like Princeton perhaps really are fewer and that is what they see and feel. 30 years ago the vast majority of the graduating class would go on to have productive and meaningful lives and maybe a much smaller subset of the class will do that now, or perversely really big opportunities for a very select few.

Yes they're all living as characters from Sartre's No Exit - in high pressure "top" high schools and "top " colleges full of stress, anxiety and nonstop comparison. But there is an exit. They don't have to compare themselves to their peers. They can take longer to graduate, spread out courses, give themselves time to pause and grow and enjoy life.

The problem is that their parents and peers have brainwashed them to believe that the goal in life is to enter hard places - competitive HS, sports/clubs/internships/ECs, selective college, more internships, selective grad/prof school, high paying job ... the entire focus is on entering a place, and surviving the toxicity, but not finding "better fit" enviros that have less pressure and where they can thrive: not merely survive.

So many will be lost to suicide, self harm, and addiction and mental health distress.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids are on a never-ending treadmill. It makes me so sad. Within a few months of showing up at a top school after knocking themselves out in HS, they are already worried about getting a succession of impressive, crowd-pleasing summer internships. Everything has been pulled forward from my own experience in college. I have a college sophomore at a top school and she started her sophomore summer search last July and just got an offer for this summer, but had already begun the junior summer (2025) internship search — a year and a half away. There was an overlap period of several weeks where she was doing parallel internship searches for 2024 AND 2025. There is so much pressure to do well academically, get all the right internships and job experiences and granularly plan out one’s life for the next 10 years. And, then post the whole thing on Instagram, LinkedIn etc., for the world to see. This occurs against a backdrop of a sea change in the job market. We shouldn’t be surprised when they wonder, “is this all worth it?” and “why am I doing this?”. I try to convince my DD to take one day at a time and figure it all out as she goes along, as I did, but that hasn’t been especially persuasive to this generation. I worry that the opportunities for today’s kids coming out of a place like Princeton perhaps really are fewer and that is what they see and feel. 30 years ago the vast majority of the graduating class would go on to have productive and meaningful lives and maybe a much smaller subset of the class will do that now, or perversely really big opportunities for a very select few.

Yes they're all living as characters from Sartre's No Exit - in high pressure "top" high schools and "top " colleges full of stress, anxiety and nonstop comparison. But there is an exit. They don't have to compare themselves to their peers. They can take longer to graduate, spread out courses, give themselves time to pause and grow and enjoy life.

The problem is that their parents and peers have brainwashed them to believe that the goal in life is to enter hard places - competitive HS, sports/clubs/internships/ECs, selective college, more internships, selective grad/prof school, high paying job ... the entire focus is on entering a place, and surviving the toxicity, but not finding "better fit" enviros that have less pressure and where they can thrive: not merely survive.

So many will be lost to suicide, self harm, and addiction and mental health distress.

You said it best. Agree 100%

My kid after being accepted at his ED school asked us what we thought about a Gap year. We are 100% for it. No need to rush. The pressure on him (from himself and his peers) has been immense. When he asked about a Gap year we were very surprised, but we believe it was his way to say he is exhausted and needs a little break before going back to that environment and we agree.

[Anonymous]

My DD is a junior at our state flagship. She had friends who talked about going to Ivy leagues since they were in 2nd grade or so. Not many of them ended up there. Some think they wasted their time in high school trying too hard just to end up at their state flagship. Most of the kids who did end up at Ivies were legacies. The kids feel so much pressure to get into these colleges because thats how the society defines success, intelligence, self worth, importance etc .. its all status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicides are at all schools. but more common at "top" schools.. I am guessing the reason is obvious. So sad nonetheless

This.

It's hyper competitive parents who erode their child confidence through years of emotional abuse. They are "good enough" when they achieve certain benchmarks. Mostly Asians - ask me how I know.

That is not what the data shows.

Asians have the lowest age adjusted suicide rate of any group.
https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/72/wr/mm7206a4.htm#T1_down

Asians also have among the lowest suicide rates for college students:
https://www.bestcolleges.com/research/suicide-in-colleges-rates-research-statistics/#by-race

The rate of suicide among college students generally is lower than it is among the general population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids are on a never-ending treadmill. It makes me so sad. Within a few months of showing up at a top school after knocking themselves out in HS, they are already worried about getting a succession of impressive, crowd-pleasing summer internships. Everything has been pulled forward from my own experience in college. I have a college sophomore at a top school and she started her sophomore summer search last July and just got an offer for this summer, but had already begun the junior summer (2025) internship search — a year and a half away. There was an overlap period of several weeks where she was doing parallel internship searches for 2024 AND 2025. There is so much pressure to do well academically, get all the right internships and job experiences and granularly plan out one’s life for the next 10 years. And, then post the whole thing on Instagram, LinkedIn etc., for the world to see. This occurs against a backdrop of a sea change in the job market. We shouldn’t be surprised when they wonder, “is this all worth it?” and “why am I doing this?”. I try to convince my DD to take one day at a time and figure it all out as she goes along, as I did, but that hasn’t been especially persuasive to this generation. I worry that the opportunities for today’s kids coming out of a place like Princeton perhaps really are fewer and that is what they see and feel. 30 years ago the vast majority of the graduating class would go on to have productive and meaningful lives and maybe a much smaller subset of the class will do that now, or perversely really big opportunities for a very select few.

Yes they're all living as characters from Sartre's No Exit - in high pressure "top" high schools and "top " colleges full of stress, anxiety and nonstop comparison. But there is an exit. They don't have to compare themselves to their peers. They can take longer to graduate, spread out courses, give themselves time to pause and grow and enjoy life.

The problem is that their parents and peers have brainwashed them to believe that the goal in life is to enter hard places - competitive HS, sports/clubs/internships/ECs, selective college, more internships, selective grad/prof school, high paying job ... the entire focus is on entering a place, and surviving the toxicity, but not finding "better fit" enviros that have less pressure and where they can thrive: not merely survive.

So many will be lost to suicide, self harm, and addiction and mental health distress.

You said it best. Agree 100%

My kid after being accepted at his ED school asked us what we thought about a Gap year. We are 100% for it. No need to rush. The pressure on him (from himself and his peers) has been immense. When he asked about a Gap year we were very surprised, but we believe it was his way to say he is exhausted and needs a little break before going back to that environment and we agree.

Gap years are a great idea. In korea all men join the military for 2 years and it makes a pretty big difference in maturity.

[Anonymous]

It is sad. I am hoping DC does not chose an Ivy (assuming there is a choice). Would rather see her at at T-20-T60 school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is sad. I am hoping DC does not chose an Ivy (assuming there is a choice). Would rather see her at at T-20-T60 school.

Not all Ivies are the same. I have a kid who is very joyous, not stressed out of his mind—really loving it. This is when fit matters. He was fixated on Princeton for awhile and I’m glad he went to a different one- just a much better fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean about money-based codes at Princeton? Do kids show off their money as status?

They do at every Ivy. It’s a bifurcated society. Not by race but by social class.

I don’t agree with this, hasn’t been our experience.

DP but I agree with this, except I’d amend the statement with *social capital. A lot of friend groups organized by those who went to Taft or Sidwell or Harker. Even in DS’s friend group, they’ve noted that, without even trying, 6 of the 8 went to magnet schools all ranked in the top 20. 1 went to a nice private school and only 1 went to a normal high school. There’s networks everywhere from people who’ve loosely played against each other in high school or are friends of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cornell just had another suicide. That school is HARD, and the weather often makes it bleak!

Colleague went to Cornell. He noted they posted safety guards at the bridge at Cornell on days when important pre-med exams (such as P Chem) were scheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicides are at all schools. but more common at "top" schools.. I am guessing the reason is obvious. So sad nonetheless

This.

It's hyper competitive parents who erode their child confidence through years of emotional abuse. They are "good enough" when they achieve certain benchmarks. Mostly Asians - ask me how I know.

That is not what the data shows.

Asians have the lowest age adjusted suicide rate of any group.
https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/72/wr/mm7206a4.htm#T1_down

Asians also have among the lowest suicide rates for college students:
https://www.bestcolleges.com/research/suicide-in-colleges-rates-research-statistics/#by-race

The rate of suicide among college students generally is lower than it is among the general population.

at least 2 of the Princeton ones were Asian. just fyi. probably more. I just knew of 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean about money-based codes at Princeton? Do kids show off their money as status?

Princeton has more kids on FA and offers the most generous FA package (esp as percentage of COA) than any of their peer schools.

Yes and the rest are extremely wealthy. It’s a split society.

lol and you think Princeton’s peer schools are any different? They, in fact, have MORE wealthy kids. And I’m sure similar numbers of extremely wealthy kids.