“I’d rather have a happy kid at UMD than a miserable one at Harvard”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

+1000
I knew this 30+ years ago while in college at a T10. I knew several kids taking premed courses and hating it but didn't have the guts to inform their parents that they were miserable and did NOT want to be a doctor. So they took the 2nd semester of organic chemistry and continued to do terrible and be extremely miserable. Why would a parent want their kid to be afraid of telling them they hated their major/path in life? I want my kids to be happy. They can major in whatever they want. We did however have discussions with them about what various majors mean in terms of job prospects/job pay/is a BA or BS enough or do you need a MS/MA or PHD to really use the major the way you want and do meaningful work. They can be an art history major if they want, but they need to know what likely job prospects are and what they can do to improve job proscpets with say a business minor or data analytics or CS minor, etc and that finding an internship while in college will be key towards finding a job upon graduation.

I just want them to be happy and aware of what their path in life will entail---want to be a bio or chem major and not be premed, then you are still in for some grad work unless you want to be a grunt worker in someone else's lab because you will need an advanced degree to lead the bio/chem lab.

+1 my DD would love to major in theater, but she also likes her comfortable life and material things. I told her that having that kind of life requires money, and that being a theater major is probably not going to earn them very much.

So, pick your path.. do you want to love what you do (theater) but not have a comfortable financial life, or do you want to find something you can be good at and make enough to live comfortably while doing theater as a hobby?

DD is a sophomore, and for now, they will probably not choose theater, but if they do, they can't' say they were not warned or told. We don't come from a wealthy family, and DD knows that. We've always impressed upon our kids about financial stability and independence. I grew up lower income, and into my early 20s, and I shared my experiences growing up this way with my kids. They don't want to live that way, and I don't want them to live the way I did.

The theater majors I know in my generation are all doing fine.

"your generation", and define "fine".

[Anonymous]

Theater majors are mostly rich ALDC kids.
So they are probably fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

I just don’t agree that the whole point of life is to take on more and more and more stress until you die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

+1000
I knew this 30+ years ago while in college at a T10. I knew several kids taking premed courses and hating it but didn't have the guts to inform their parents that they were miserable and did NOT want to be a doctor. So they took the 2nd semester of organic chemistry and continued to do terrible and be extremely miserable. Why would a parent want their kid to be afraid of telling them they hated their major/path in life? I want my kids to be happy. They can major in whatever they want. We did however have discussions with them about what various majors mean in terms of job prospects/job pay/is a BA or BS enough or do you need a MS/MA or PHD to really use the major the way you want and do meaningful work. They can be an art history major if they want, but they need to know what likely job prospects are and what they can do to improve job proscpets with say a business minor or data analytics or CS minor, etc and that finding an internship while in college will be key towards finding a job upon graduation.

I just want them to be happy and aware of what their path in life will entail---want to be a bio or chem major and not be premed, then you are still in for some grad work unless you want to be a grunt worker in someone else's lab because you will need an advanced degree to lead the bio/chem lab.

+1 my DD would love to major in theater, but she also likes her comfortable life and material things. I told her that having that kind of life requires money, and that being a theater major is probably not going to earn them very much.

So, pick your path.. do you want to love what you do (theater) but not have a comfortable financial life, or do you want to find something you can be good at and make enough to live comfortably while doing theater as a hobby?

DD is a sophomore, and for now, they will probably not choose theater, but if they do, they can't' say they were not warned or told. We don't come from a wealthy family, and DD knows that. We've always impressed upon our kids about financial stability and independence. I grew up lower income, and into my early 20s, and I shared my experiences growing up this way with my kids. They don't want to live that way, and I don't want them to live the way I did.

This is the way to do it. And I say this as someone from a non-wealthy family whose friend *did* major in theater with only lukewarm at best family support. She's always known she had to support herself and has found ways to ensure job security and a good financial life for herself while also doing theater. It's not the life I would want for sure but she's happy and successful and I think a lot of that comes from her parents being honest with her about the challenges with an artistic career -- she knew what she was getting into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

Thank God I'm not your kid!!!!! It is possible to be successful without being in a pressure cooker environment. Your poor kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

So the CEO of General Electric was crushed by Harvard after going to Washington College? The CEO of Hershey Chocolate was crushed after going to Shippensburg and then UNC-Chapel Hill? And the chairman of American Airlines was crushed by Vanderbilt after going to Albion College?

Please stop posting stuff that just 'sounds right' to you and start relying on facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

There is no such thing as an “easy” college if you’re majoring in a hard stem subject or are on a premed path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

I would rather my children not go to grad school. Hopefully, they’ll do undergrad right & start earning, saving & investing as soon as they graduate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

Thank God I'm not your kid!!!!! It is possible to be successful without being in a pressure cooker environment. Your poor kids!

You are wrong. For the vast majority of high-paying careers, there is a point of high stress, intensity, and a pressure cooker environment. Often it’s in your twenties. Law, medicine, tech, finance, and consulting are all pressure cooker environments at some point or another (for tech it’s during college rather than after, whereas for the other four fields it is the opposite). To make money, you need to find ways to deal with stress and pressure. And being in that type of environment for high school and college is crucial to learning how to handle such environments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

Thank God I'm not your kid!!!!! It is possible to be successful without being in a pressure cooker environment. Your poor kids!

You are wrong. For the vast majority of high-paying careers, there is a point of high stress, intensity, and a pressure cooker environment. Often it’s in your twenties. Law, medicine, tech, finance, and consulting are all pressure cooker environments at some point or another (for tech it’s during college rather than after, whereas for the other four fields it is the opposite). To make money, you need to find ways to deal with stress and pressure. And being in that type of environment for high school and college is crucial to learning how to handle such environments.

Big state schools are the most rigorous in STEM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

How about — and I’m going to blow your mind here — they go to Towson and then go somewhere totally average for grad school and never actually live or work in a pressure cooker environment? Must every job be a stressful, pressure-cooker environment?

Good luck with your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

I would rather my children not go to grad school. Hopefully, they’ll do undergrad right & start earning, saving & investing as soon as they graduate.

OP here. FWIW I’m with you. I’d much rather have my kids go straight into a lucrative career in tech or finance or consulting at 22 than waste another five years in a PhD program (which almost always have a negative ROI) or law school. That way they can start saving and investing much earlier and take advantage of compound interest. It’s also why I’m amused when people say that SLACs are great because they’re great at being grad school feeders. That is a terrible economic decision.

And the highest paying tech jobs don’t hire Towson grads. The unicorn companies that give employees the big bucks — Stripe, Figma, Discord — do not hire from Towson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

Thank God I'm not your kid!!!!! It is possible to be successful without being in a pressure cooker environment. Your poor kids!

You are wrong. For the vast majority of high-paying careers, there is a point of high stress, intensity, and a pressure cooker environment. Often it’s in your twenties. Law, medicine, tech, finance, and consulting are all pressure cooker environments at some point or another (for tech it’s during college rather than after, whereas for the other four fields it is the opposite). To make money, you need to find ways to deal with stress and pressure. And being in that type of environment for high school and college is crucial to learning how to handle such environments.

Oh I get it. You’re the one who gets to define a good job, and a good job is law/medicine/tech/finance/consulting, and those are stressful in your 20s, so therefore all children must learn to endure the stress.

What an immature, zero-sum way to look at the world.

Let’s hope your child becomes something you see as a useless failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

-1

OP here. I’ve never met these poor tortured tiger cubs you’re mentioning. I was pushed, and so were most of my high school friends, by immigrant tiger parents. We are grateful. None of us are resentful. You’re making up a figure in your mind.

NP here. OP - you are coming at this from your experience. Maybe your social circle really are all happy. Or maybe some of you friends are really good at hiding their thoughts from you, or themselves even. But I’m a high school teacher in a magnet program and see a whole lot more kids than you, and I can assure you that not everyone belongs or is thriving in the magnet environment and they are very conflicted about college and the major that has been chosen for them by their parents. Every year out of ~100 11th graders I have 2-3 of them literally crying in my office over not earning a perfect 4.0 due to my class. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the stress story to come out. Other teachers relate similar experiences. I’d estimate 10-15% of the magnet kids are truly unhappy due to being pushed too hard (not including the general 50% of them who are pretty stressed with high workload.) On the adult side, in our department of 15 there are 2 teachers who were career changers who switched to teaching after a few years because they didn’t like the field chosen by their tiger parents and didn’t enjoy their elite college experience.

Your experience is not the same as everyone’s OP. I agree with the nuanced premise from the other post (big fish, small pond is equally successful and less stressed/happier).

You are wrong! Just plain wrong. Totally wrong. If someone goes to Towson or another middling college and then Harvard for grad school, they will be crushed because they are not used to being the big fish in the small pond anymore. They will be crushed because they never learned how to deal with the intensity and stress of a pressure-cooker environment (which, BTW, every successful job requires). I would much rather have my kids learn how to handle being in a stressful, pressure-cooker environment in high school or college than grad school.

I would rather my children not go to grad school. Hopefully, they’ll do undergrad right & start earning, saving & investing as soon as they graduate.

OP here. FWIW I’m with you. I’d much rather have my kids go straight into a lucrative career in tech or finance or consulting at 22 than waste another five years in a PhD program (which almost always have a negative ROI) or law school. That way they can start saving and investing much earlier and take advantage of compound interest. It’s also why I’m amused when people say that SLACs are great because they’re great at being grad school feeders. That is a terrible economic decision.

And the highest paying tech jobs don’t hire Towson grads. The unicorn companies that give employees the big bucks — Stripe, Figma, Discord — do not hire from Towson.

Of course you can get hired at one of those companies with a Towson bachelors. It just probably will require some years of experience first.