If you know you’ll be inheriting a significant amount

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents really had all that much, they would have taken advantage of this era of trumps estate tax exemption to gift to you. Since they havent, to me that means they have something in the five to ten million range. Hate to break it to you, but they could go through most or all of that. My parents' elder care costs 300k per year. Your parents could live another ten to twnety years.

Dont count on it until it is in your bank account.

How can one possibly spend $300K per year on eldercare? And even if it somehow were possible, it would likely entail a level of luxury and self-indulgence that most parents would not engage in in lieu of giving money to their kids and grandkids.

You don’t know what you’re talking about. Do the damn math. I could show you receipts from the elder care company.

Most people don’t have the money to spend $300k per year on elder care. You may as well go around saying elder care is a mandatory 5 million a year. The average person come up with other solutions. It’s why so much of what you expect to inherit depends on spending levels. Are your parents the type who spend $300k a year on something? Did they send kids to private schools, drive luxury cars, expensive travel etc? If so, expect nothing. Are your parents the type who save, save save and refuse to spend an inordinate amount on something just because other people do?

My in-laws have a higher net worth but are big spenders. I expect to inherit $0. They will find a way to spend $300k a year on elder care and swear it’s necessary.

No, my parents are not big spenders. At all. hHeir house is paid off and if they were able and self sufficient they could easily have lived off 50k per year and been comfortable.

We, the children and POAs, are the ones choosing to spend their money on good elder care rather than saving it for our own inheritance. Since the money is there, we are spending it on THEM. Not saving it for ourselves. I guess some people whose parents have millions would instead let their parents sit in wet diapers and not be turned or changed enough so they inherit more. Our parents raised us better than that.

There are two of them. It's easy to spend 150k per person on at home 24-7 elder care. Through an agency you tend to pay 25 to 35 dollars per hour. Do the math. During the day we need two people because my parents are so disabled. We are all mostly busy with careers - which were made possible by the fact our parents sent us through college and grad school. So yeah, we are not going to stingy with their care and leave them alone in their house to sit in wet diapers or fall.

Nope. You’re just big spenders. You’re spending obscene amounts of money unnecessarily.

You don't know what the f*** you are talking about. Have YOU ever had to take care of two parents at home using documented, on the books caregivers with the parents both physically disabled and have Parkinsons's and AZ?

Stop being an ass to me. Taking care of disabled people with dementia is hell.

I wish I had your problem with money. I took care of my mil with early onset dementia. I had to quit my job because we could not afford care on my salary and it was a nightmare as she could not be left alone. After a few years the only option was a really bad Medicaid nursing home. Do you know what it’s like to visit someone you live with unexplained bruises and no way to move her or get better care. Try living without your kind of money. Of, not to mention a child who needed daily therapies for years due to delays. Yup, it must be terrible paying caregivers to do what I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes much more sense to edit life when you need that much care and leave what you’ve spent your life accruing to your children. That’s my plan.

What is this supposed to mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents really had all that much, they would have taken advantage of this era of trumps estate tax exemption to gift to you. Since they havent, to me that means they have something in the five to ten million range. Hate to break it to you, but they could go through most or all of that. My parents' elder care costs 300k per year. Your parents could live another ten to twnety years.

Dont count on it until it is in your bank account.

How can one possibly spend $300K per year on eldercare? And even if it somehow were possible, it would likely entail a level of luxury and self-indulgence that most parents would not engage in in lieu of giving money to their kids and grandkids.

You don’t know what you’re talking about. Do the damn math. I could show you receipts from the elder care company.

Most people don’t have the money to spend $300k per year on elder care. You may as well go around saying elder care is a mandatory 5 million a year. The average person come up with other solutions. It’s why so much of what you expect to inherit depends on spending levels. Are your parents the type who spend $300k a year on something? Did they send kids to private schools, drive luxury cars, expensive travel etc? If so, expect nothing. Are your parents the type who save, save save and refuse to spend an inordinate amount on something just because other people do?

My in-laws have a higher net worth but are big spenders. I expect to inherit $0. They will find a way to spend $300k a year on elder care and swear it’s necessary.

No, my parents are not big spenders. At all. hHeir house is paid off and if they were able and self sufficient they could easily have lived off 50k per year and been comfortable.

We, the children and POAs, are the ones choosing to spend their money on good elder care rather than saving it for our own inheritance. Since the money is there, we are spending it on THEM. Not saving it for ourselves. I guess some people whose parents have millions would instead let their parents sit in wet diapers and not be turned or changed enough so they inherit more. Our parents raised us better than that.

There are two of them. It's easy to spend 150k per person on at home 24-7 elder care. Through an agency you tend to pay 25 to 35 dollars per hour. Do the math. During the day we need two people because my parents are so disabled. We are all mostly busy with careers - which were made possible by the fact our parents sent us through college and grad school. So yeah, we are not going to stingy with their care and leave them alone in their house to sit in wet diapers or fall.

Nope. You’re just big spenders. You’re spending obscene amounts of money unnecessarily.

You don't know what the f*** you are talking about. Have YOU ever had to take care of two parents at home using documented, on the books caregivers with the parents both physically disabled and have Parkinsons's and AZ?

Stop being an ass to me. Taking care of disabled people with dementia is hell.

I wish I had your problem with money. I took care of my mil with early onset dementia. I had to quit my job because we could not afford care on my salary and it was a nightmare as she could not be left alone. After a few years the only option was a really bad Medicaid nursing home. Do you know what it’s like to visit someone you live with unexplained bruises and no way to move her or get better care. Try living without your kind of money. Of, not to mention a child who needed daily therapies for years due to delays. Yup, it must be terrible paying caregivers to do what I did.

I have done that. It is incredibly awful. And hard. However, this thread is not about people who cannot afford elder care. This thread is about people who expect to inherit millions. Or a substantial amount. If your parent had had millions, would you have stuck them in a cheap, bad nursing home? Or would you have used those millions to take care of them in a quality way? Basically, what do you have spent your parents money on your parents? Or would you have given your parents worse care to save money? A good child would use their parents money taken care of their parents, not hoarding it for their own inheritance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents really had all that much, they would have taken advantage of this era of trumps estate tax exemption to gift to you. Since they havent, to me that means they have something in the five to ten million range. Hate to break it to you, but they could go through most or all of that. My parents' elder care costs 300k per year. Your parents could live another ten to twnety years.

Dont count on it until it is in your bank account.

How can one possibly spend $300K per year on eldercare? And even if it somehow were possible, it would likely entail a level of luxury and self-indulgence that most parents would not engage in in lieu of giving money to their kids and grandkids.

You don’t know what you’re talking about. Do the damn math. I could show you receipts from the elder care company.

Most people don’t have the money to spend $300k per year on elder care. You may as well go around saying elder care is a mandatory 5 million a year. The average person come up with other solutions. It’s why so much of what you expect to inherit depends on spending levels. Are your parents the type who spend $300k a year on something? Did they send kids to private schools, drive luxury cars, expensive travel etc? If so, expect nothing. Are your parents the type who save, save save and refuse to spend an inordinate amount on something just because other people do?

My in-laws have a higher net worth but are big spenders. I expect to inherit $0. They will find a way to spend $300k a year on elder care and swear it’s necessary.

No, my parents are not big spenders. At all. hHeir house is paid off and if they were able and self sufficient they could easily have lived off 50k per year and been comfortable.

We, the children and POAs, are the ones choosing to spend their money on good elder care rather than saving it for our own inheritance. Since the money is there, we are spending it on THEM. Not saving it for ourselves. I guess some people whose parents have millions would instead let their parents sit in wet diapers and not be turned or changed enough so they inherit more. Our parents raised us better than that.

There are two of them. It's easy to spend 150k per person on at home 24-7 elder care. Through an agency you tend to pay 25 to 35 dollars per hour. Do the math. During the day we need two people because my parents are so disabled. We are all mostly busy with careers - which were made possible by the fact our parents sent us through college and grad school. So yeah, we are not going to stingy with their care and leave them alone in their house to sit in wet diapers or fall.

Nope. You’re just big spenders. You’re spending obscene amounts of money unnecessarily.

You don't know what the f*** you are talking about. Have YOU ever had to take care of two parents at home using documented, on the books caregivers with the parents both physically disabled and have Parkinsons's and AZ?

Stop being an ass to me. Taking care of disabled people with dementia is hell.

I wish I had your problem with money. I took care of my mil with early onset dementia. I had to quit my job because we could not afford care on my salary and it was a nightmare as she could not be left alone. After a few years the only option was a really bad Medicaid nursing home. Do you know what it’s like to visit someone you live with unexplained bruises and no way to move her or get better care. Try living without your kind of money. Of, not to mention a child who needed daily therapies for years due to delays. Yup, it must be terrible paying caregivers to do what I did.

And if your parent had had millions of dollars, would you have left her in that nursing home? Or would you have used her millions to get her better care? That is the point of this thread. That people with money can often spend down their children’s inheritance on expensive elder care. They don’t want to be in a bad nursing home and their children, and less the children suck, don’t want them to be in a bad nursing home either. Yes most people are stuck in terrible situations elder care wise if their parents are disabled and cannot be self sufficient. It is horrible. But if a person does have a ton of money, they’re going to spend it on their care rather than be stuck in a terrible nursing home. Which can then mean that their parents thus don’t leave the expected inheritance.

Which takes us back to the main point of the thread, and the point many people are making, which is people should not count on inheritance. They should financially plan with the assumption that they are not getting an inheritance, because they may very well not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents really had all that much, they would have taken advantage of this era of trumps estate tax exemption to gift to you. Since they havent, to me that means they have something in the five to ten million range. Hate to break it to you, but they could go through most or all of that. My parents' elder care costs 300k per year. Your parents could live another ten to twnety years.

Dont count on it until it is in your bank account.

How can one possibly spend $300K per year on eldercare? And even if it somehow were possible, it would likely entail a level of luxury and self-indulgence that most parents would not engage in in lieu of giving money to their kids and grandkids.

You don’t know what you’re talking about. Do the damn math. I could show you receipts from the elder care company.

Most people don’t have the money to spend $300k per year on elder care. You may as well go around saying elder care is a mandatory 5 million a year. The average person come up with other solutions. It’s why so much of what you expect to inherit depends on spending levels. Are your parents the type who spend $300k a year on something? Did they send kids to private schools, drive luxury cars, expensive travel etc? If so, expect nothing. Are your parents the type who save, save save and refuse to spend an inordinate amount on something just because other people do?

My in-laws have a higher net worth but are big spenders. I expect to inherit $0. They will find a way to spend $300k a year on elder care and swear it’s necessary.

No, my parents are not big spenders. At all. hHeir house is paid off and if they were able and self sufficient they could easily have lived off 50k per year and been comfortable.

We, the children and POAs, are the ones choosing to spend their money on good elder care rather than saving it for our own inheritance. Since the money is there, we are spending it on THEM. Not saving it for ourselves. I guess some people whose parents have millions would instead let their parents sit in wet diapers and not be turned or changed enough so they inherit more. Our parents raised us better than that.

There are two of them. It's easy to spend 150k per person on at home 24-7 elder care. Through an agency you tend to pay 25 to 35 dollars per hour. Do the math. During the day we need two people because my parents are so disabled. We are all mostly busy with careers - which were made possible by the fact our parents sent us through college and grad school. So yeah, we are not going to stingy with their care and leave them alone in their house to sit in wet diapers or fall.

Nope. You’re just big spenders. You’re spending obscene amounts of money unnecessarily.

You don't know what the f*** you are talking about. Have YOU ever had to take care of two parents at home using documented, on the books caregivers with the parents both physically disabled and have Parkinsons's and AZ?

Stop being an ass to me. Taking care of disabled people with dementia is hell.

I wish I had your problem with money. I took care of my mil with early onset dementia. I had to quit my job because we could not afford care on my salary and it was a nightmare as she could not be left alone. After a few years the only option was a really bad Medicaid nursing home. Do you know what it’s like to visit someone you live with unexplained bruises and no way to move her or get better care. Try living without your kind of money. Of, not to mention a child who needed daily therapies for years due to delays. Yup, it must be terrible paying caregivers to do what I did.

And if your parent had had millions of dollars, would you have left her in that nursing home? Or would you have used her millions to get her better care? That is the point of this thread. That people with money can often spend down their children’s inheritance on expensive elder care. They don’t want to be in a bad nursing home and their children, and less the children suck, don’t want them to be in a bad nursing home either. Yes most people are stuck in terrible situations elder care wise if their parents are disabled and cannot be self sufficient. It is horrible. But if a person does have a ton of money, they’re going to spend it on their care rather than be stuck in a terrible nursing home. Which can then mean that their parents thus don’t leave the expected inheritance.

Which takes us back to the main point of the thread, and the point many people are making, which is people should not count on inheritance. They should financially plan with the assumption that they are not getting an inheritance, because they may very well not.

Of course I would have spent every penny on her but I would have preferred her here with us. I may get inheritance but no idea how much. I still save as I don’t have generous parents so I cannot count on them for the things they promise. We live under our means to make it all work. To me money should be given out of love not death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a big difference between knowing you will inherit a significant amount and being in your 40s with parents in your 70s who have $5-10M. To me, a significant amount is closer to knowing you'll inherit $15+M because it's pretty difficult to spend that kind of money down completely if you are over 70 in relatively poor health. If I knew my parents were worth $100M with 3 kids, I probably would make some changes, especially with regards to my savings rate (currently 28%). On the other hand, teaching my kids that savings and living within your means is extremely important is a top priority. In OP's case, expecting to inherit $2-3M which is what I'm guessing from the post probably would not change my behavior.

All that said, the scariest stories are those from parents who remarry after the death of one spouse and then all the plans can go to hell in a second. There are no guarantees in life and you should take care of yourself. Remember most people inherit after their best working years so why would you wait for money?

I am in my 40s with parents in their 70s with probably $10-$20 million and good end-of-life-care insurance, and also some sort of generation-skipping trust of unknown amount from a great-uncle of mine. I am not counting on inheriting a penny as far as my planning goes. For one, I hope my parents live for a long time. For another, I don't see any harm in saving whatever we're able to now. I suppose there could be some tax consequences down the line to worry about if we inherit far more money than we know what to do with, but giving money to charity is an easy way to reduce taxes due, if so. Seems crazy to live far beyond my means now just because I expect to receive money I did absolutely nothing to earn at some unknown point in the future.

Weird that $20 million puts one in like the top 0.5% of all Americans, yet tons of people on DCUM claim to have that. Unless, as is probably the case, you are full of it or don’t have any clue how much your parents actually have.

I know enough about what my parents have to know that they have at least $10 million and probably significantly more. But since I specifically said I wasn't counting on any of it in my own financial planning, it sort of doesn't matter what they have, my point is that I'm acting as if they have $0.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am operating as if I am getting nothing. I think that's the safest way to go. My dad has said a thousand times what his intentions are and how he's set things up. But he started dating last fall and although he's always been level-headed and non-impulsive, I know things can change. I expect nothing and will be fine with that. I'll be very pleasantly surprised if I get anything.

This is why I always tell my mom she needs to outlive my dad. In fact, I implore her to outlive my father. I know he is stupid and vain and needy enough to fall for a younger greedy woman who will take every penny he has. My parents have already split their estate to mitigate this and when the first one dies their portion will go to me and my siblings, but my dad has most of the money (from his inheritance). My dad has some good longevity genes (unlike my mom), but I know if he's every in capacitated he would rather die than live, so really hoping he goes first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, OP, I’m not sure that counts as a significant amount of money. It’s better than nothing, of course! Just live as if you expected nothing, because 1M does not go a long way, unless you invest it for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents really had all that much, they would have taken advantage of this era of trumps estate tax exemption to gift to you. Since they havent, to me that means they have something in the five to ten million range. Hate to break it to you, but they could go through most or all of that. My parents' elder care costs 300k per year. Your parents could live another ten to twnety years.

Dont count on it until it is in your bank account.

How can one possibly spend $300K per year on eldercare? And even if it somehow were possible, it would likely entail a level of luxury and self-indulgence that most parents would not engage in in lieu of giving money to their kids and grandkids.

You don’t know what you’re talking about. Do the damn math. I could show you receipts from the elder care company.

Most people don’t have the money to spend $300k per year on elder care. You may as well go around saying elder care is a mandatory 5 million a year. The average person come up with other solutions. It’s why so much of what you expect to inherit depends on spending levels. Are your parents the type who spend $300k a year on something? Did they send kids to private schools, drive luxury cars, expensive travel etc? If so, expect nothing. Are your parents the type who save, save save and refuse to spend an inordinate amount on something just because other people do?

My in-laws have a higher net worth but are big spenders. I expect to inherit $0. They will find a way to spend $300k a year on elder care and swear it’s necessary.

No, my parents are not big spenders. At all. hHeir house is paid off and if they were able and self sufficient they could easily have lived off 50k per year and been comfortable.

We, the children and POAs, are the ones choosing to spend their money on good elder care rather than saving it for our own inheritance. Since the money is there, we are spending it on THEM. Not saving it for ourselves. I guess some people whose parents have millions would instead let their parents sit in wet diapers and not be turned or changed enough so they inherit more. Our parents raised us better than that.

There are two of them. It's easy to spend 150k per person on at home 24-7 elder care. Through an agency you tend to pay 25 to 35 dollars per hour. Do the math. During the day we need two people because my parents are so disabled. We are all mostly busy with careers - which were made possible by the fact our parents sent us through college and grad school. So yeah, we are not going to stingy with their care and leave them alone in their house to sit in wet diapers or fall.

Nope. You’re just big spenders. You’re spending obscene amounts of money unnecessarily.

You don't know what the f*** you are talking about. Have YOU ever had to take care of two parents at home using documented, on the books caregivers with the parents both physically disabled and have Parkinsons's and AZ?

Stop being an ass to me. Taking care of disabled people with dementia is hell.

I wish I had your problem with money. I took care of my mil with early onset dementia. I had to quit my job because we could not afford care on my salary and it was a nightmare as she could not be left alone. After a few years the only option was a really bad Medicaid nursing home. Do you know what it’s like to visit someone you live with unexplained bruises and no way to move her or get better care. Try living without your kind of money. Of, not to mention a child who needed daily therapies for years due to delays. Yup, it must be terrible paying caregivers to do what I did.

It’s definitely possible to spend an obscene amount on elder care. Most often it’s not for too long, especially for round the clock care. About 7 years ago, I paid $34/hour for the 12 hour overnight shift and $30 an hour for daytime. That’s $768 per DAY. One year is almost $300,000. I was able to do most of the caretaking, but when I couldn’t that was the rate AND there was a minimum. So if I needed to quickly drop a child somewhere, it was 4-5 hours minimum I had to pay. That said, typically care like this is rather short lived for most people. Oh, and the rates go up if the patient needs more help than just an inexperienced caretaker. So if the patient can’t use the bathroom alone, higher rate. Needs help moving? Higher rate.

[Anonymous]

I’ll tell you what I’m not doing: sitting around posting about their health status.

It factors in in the sense that I’m probably not as aggressive in my career or savings as I would otherwise be, but we’re still pretty principled and both max out 401ks and built a good nest egg before we had kids.

I hope my parents live a long, healthy happy life and enjoy what they’ve earned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes much more sense to edit life when you need that much care and leave what you’ve spent your life accruing to your children. That’s my plan.

What is this supposed to mean?

They probably meant 'go bungee jumping without the rope'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on how your parents currently spend.

My mom has around $2 million and doesn’t spend the principle. She takes the minimum distribution and then reinvests it in a taxable account. She lives off around $75k a year without spending down principle.

She also has a $700k paid off house. I assume this will go to end of life care. The average stay in a nursing / end of life care facility is 2 years. We plan to hire help for her before that stage. I’d guess that is $50k a year. She lives in a house with a full bed and bath on the main floor.

I’d be shocked if I don’t inherit a million and plan to pay off any remaining mortgage and save the rest.

What sort of "help" do you plan to hire? 24-7 care one on one for one person is about 120-150k per year at home. That's if she is somewhat mobile. If she has to be lifted to get to bathroom or shower or into wheelchairs, the agency may make you hire two people for at least that time

This is inaccurate and far fetched. Think what a great career this could be. You could work 12 hour shifts and earn $75-80k per year and not even need a college education. Do you know how many people would want a job like this? Think of all of the people working 10 hour shifts at McDonald’s and earning $30k.

It’s not inaccurate. I pay my parents elder care bills. It’s market.

And just keep telling yourself that people on this situation die soon. My parents have been like this for six years.

And yes many people won’t pay this because they don’t have it. But op’s parents do have it. And if parents have the money, it should be spent on giving them good elder care. So it could be spent down.

Highly unusual to require 24 hour care for 6 years.

It happens but it’s very rare. +100

It's becoming more common over time though. I read an article with some stats about this recently but can't find it now. But the gist was that modern medicine is prolonging our lives, but not necessarily the quality, and many seniors end up needing more LTC than they realize. My great-aunt ended up needing care at home for probably 8 years? At first just part-time but fulltime at some point. There were so many "this is it" moments and then she'd rebound, ended up outliving my great-uncle by a couple years even though he was healthier for longer.

I just hope my parents have enough to get by and we don't have to make hard choices about their care. My ILs are on more stable footing and supposedly have LTC insurance, but DH is a bit concerned about his dad's mental capabilities, he almost fell to a scam once already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, OP, I’m not sure that counts as a significant amount of money. It’s better than nothing, of course! Just live as if you expected nothing, because 1M does not go a long way, unless you invest it for your kids.

You know what’s sad? People living in bubbles who think $1 mil wouldn’t significantly improve the lives of most people. You all are so very clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes much more sense to edit life when you need that much care and leave what you’ve spent your life accruing to your children. That’s my plan.

Seriously. Based on this thread, even though we are maxing out retirement, there’s no way we could afford 10k plus/month in living costs. That’s where I’ll go back to live in my country in South America or just peace out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, OP, I’m not sure that counts as a significant amount of money. It’s better than nothing, of course! Just live as if you expected nothing, because 1M does not go a long way, unless you invest it for your kids.

You know what’s sad? People living in bubbles who think $1 mil wouldn’t significantly improve the lives of most people. You all are so very clueless.

+1. I was thinking the same.