how do introverts have children?

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both introverts. I also have anxiety. We produced a VERY extroverted child. We loved being a family of three and were unsure about a second, but decided to go for it and had twins.

They are wonderful, AND it's really hard for me. The noise level is hard. The anxiety is hard. I was a much better mom to an only than I am to my three. (To be clear-- it's me, hi, I'm the problem. My kids are awesome.)

My advice would be to have an only and rock it. Read the "The Case for the Only Child." You'll outnumber your kid and can take turns having quiet time.

[Anonymous]

Just don't marry a loud and bossy wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't marry a loud and bossy wife

You mean a white lawyer

[Anonymous]

We close our eyes and think of England.

[Anonymous]

Two introverts with three kids here. You accept that you have to change a bit for your kids.

You love them, ostensibly, so you work on yourself.

It is popular these days for people to prioritize themselves. And to an extent this is great, far too many people allow themselves to be used by others and sacrifice their own wants and needs the sacrificial altar of keeping the peace/making others happy.

But the pendulum has swung too far. No one should compromise themselves, but at the same time, we all need to remember that humans are social creatures and if we want to have relationships with others, those are two way streets. Being asked to do something out of our comfort zone or to endure a hardship isn't necessarily a harm. It isn't necessarily something to be avoided.

Parts of having kids have been very difficult for me, and for my husband, but we love them and the family we have created. We know that this time when they are young is temporary, we know the value in creating and maintaining bonds even if it isn't necessarily comfortable.

So you have kids, and you put their welfare before your own, which is what good parents do across the board (and every good parent sacrifices some of their needs and wants when they have kids IMO, which isn't the same thing as sacrificing ALL your needs and wants).

If you don't think you can do this, don't have kids. One of our kids is a major extrovert. I love her so much, I meet her halfway, and I explain to her why I don't have as much social energy as she does. And she's growing up to be an extrovert that knows how to love and accept an introvert's quirks, without accepting their rudeness.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the previous comments that a whole bunch of things are getting lumped together under the label of introversion which aren’t necessarily related. However, as an introvert with anxiety and sensitivity to overstimulation, some tactics I’ve found useful: I didn’t breastfeed, I work full time, we use daycare so I WFH 1-2 days a week to build in more quiet time (between meetings), my husband is a highly involved partner who regularly frees me up for blocks of alone time (as I do for him), I’ve found being totally in the moment with little kids is actually a great antidote to my anxiety.

Most important, I think, is continuing to work and having a partner who pulls his weight at home. If I stayed at home or had to handle all kid stuff in my off time, I would have had a breakdown by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The same way ugly people procreate I think?

hahahahahahaha this made me chuckle.

[Anonymous]

Just don't stick on a crazy loud person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an introvert with three kids. Here is how I do it:

-I WFH so not as much interaction with people at work
-I give a lot to my kids but also workout everyday by myself for my sanity
-I don't have as much energy for friendships or mom talk. I like other moms and hope I don't seem unfriendly, but I'm usually not up for mindless chit-chat. I can do deep, interesting conversations, but surface level stuff takes too much out of me. My husband brings the kids to a lot of birthday parties.
-I have a close circle of 4-5 friends and try my best to maintain those friendships but honestly can't do much else. I've accepted this.

Mostly this.
I give a lot to my family & then need time to myself outside of that.

Being introverted doesn’t mean that one has anxiety, doesn’t have friends, doesn’t enjoy outings/activities. It just means that social experiences don’t energize the person. It’s all about equilibrium.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im an introvert. decided to stop at one after being exhausted and overwhelmed. I hate small talk with other parents. My kid is really outgoing so I have to compromise and participate in things i don’t feel like doing.

Ditto. It's exhausting to have chatter all day long. One DC is enough.

Yup One and Done for us. DC is extroverted, loved play dates, noise in the house, noise in the car shlepping the friends, mindless chatter with other moms etc. It’s exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't marry a loud and bossy wife

You mean a white lawyer

Lol! I'm very strongly introverted and married an extroverted lawyer. It is great because he is happy to deal with socializing with other parents so I can get some alone time. That being said, we stopped with one kid and it was totally the right call for our family. We love our happy little family!

[Anonymous]

Take your pick? Heterosexual intercourse, IVF. surrogacy, adoption.

[Anonymous]

Your mom OP

[Anonymous]

My husband is an introvert and I’m an extrovert. We had to adopt, obviously, given sex clearly isn’t an option. Most days, I hop around talking nonstop and he sits in a corner staring at a wall. Our kid is doing great.

(Wtf is this thread, lol.)