Neighbors had a party and didn't invite us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have an annual Christmas party, we saw tons of cars outside their house this year and clearly we weren't invited. Then I ran into my neighbor on the sidewalk taking our her recycling and she mentioned how much recycling she had from the party. so I teasingly said I guess we didn't make the list this year! -- we have a joking rapport -- and she said "Oh yes we were just trying to keep it small."

Well it wasn't small and I wonder what we did to get cut from the list? I just feel weird about it and like I did something wrong?

I can't believe you said this OP. Very rude comment on your part, joking or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can’t believe you put her on the spot like that! That was a ballsy move.

The neighbor brought it up and left herself open to it

Yep. How bizzare to keep coming back over and over again to deliver a lecture to OP about being rude. I thought we all learned by 2nd grade to not mention parties to people who didn't get invited. Manners 101, really.

+1

The neighbor brought it up by mentioning the party. She was rude first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can’t believe you put her on the spot like that! That was a ballsy move.

The neighbor brought it up and left herself open to it

Yep. How bizzare to keep coming back over and over again to deliver a lecture to OP about being rude. I thought we all learned by 2nd grade to not mention parties to people who didn't get invited. Manners 101, really.

+1

The neighbor brought it up by mentioning the party. She was rude first.

+1 Most of the responses were kind, but accusing OP of being entitled and rude for a perfectly human reaction…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you found out about the party when there were cars in front of her house, you aren't as close to her as you thought. And now that you made a snarky comment about not being invited, you sealed your lack if invite for next year.

+1

[Anonymous]

When was the last time you were invited, op? Have they had this party throughout covid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it was mostly family this year. Or, they did want to keep it small and felt that if you invite one neighbor you have to invite them all.

+1

This is my dilemma for parties. If I invite one or two neighbors, then that means I have to invite the rest of them and those numbers add up quickly.

This makes such good sense to me.

As a sidenote, I wouldn’t have joked about not making the guest list.
It seems passive/aggressive to me and it may have made your neighbor feel a tad awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were very rude to point out that you weren’t invited.

Neighbor should not have mentioned she had a lot of recycling from party since other neighbor has been invited in the past and not this time.
Should have just not mentioned it.

Yes. They were both rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were very rude to point out that you weren’t invited.

Neighbor should not have mentioned she had a lot of recycling from party since other neighbor has been invited in the past and not this time.
Should have just not mentioned it.

Why? Because you think she should feel guilty for not inviting a neighbor? I bet the neighbor always goes when invited, but never hosts. She probably brings a $10 bottle of wine too.

Because it’s rude to talk about your party to someone who is not invited. Just like first grade. Also I’m not following your point about the neighbor not hosting - clearly she does!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our neighbors do this rude thing: They live up the street. They decide THEY are holding their party in the cut de sac. They don't live on the cul de sac. They issue invitations, inviting neighbors but of those who live on the cul de sac, they invite all except exclude just a few. For no known reason. Bothers me even more because it looks like we're the rude ones. Table and chairs near our driveway.

That is annoying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am super sarcastic and even I would have said, "oh, hope it was fun!" and moved on.

+1 and I would being removing the neighbor from any future party invites to my house. With a smile on my face of course.

Do you guys have friends because that is some petty MS/HS ish.

[Anonymous]

Are your kids unruly? We have a huge Christmas party every year (this year was the first since COVID and the first in our current house), and the next door neighbors who have seriously unruly kids we’re not invited. I didn’t want to be babysitting (mom doesn’t watch them) during our party making sure they didn’t break anything.

When the kids are bigger and aren’t as unruly they’ll get an invitation if they still live in the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I will invite a few of my neighbors but not all to a larger party because I feel they are a better fit with the rest of the guests.

[Anonymous]

I do not invite neighbors who do not reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

I think the neighbor was rude but I would move on OP. I also wouldn't make any kidding comments about not being invited. I would just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it was mostly family this year. Or, they did want to keep it small and felt that if you invite one neighbor you have to invite them all.

+1

This is my dilemma for parties. If I invite one or two neighbors, then that means I have to invite the rest of them and those numbers add up quickly.

I am close friends with 1/4 of my neighbors and we usually socialize together. However, when I want to invite only a few of them to a large formal party, I will throw a smaller casual party for just all the neighbors before the big party. That way I send a message that I am still socializing with them but I have other groups and interests too. No one minds.