Realistically keeping teens away from drugs, smoking and alcohol?
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Anonymous
| I agree with the poster who talked about mental health / mental illness. Pretty much everything else is the luck of the draw. In my experience, all the academics, athletics & extracurriculars don’t prevent partying. |
Anonymous
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"My kids are a little younger but dh and I got in a disagreement on this. For me, I decided a long time ago that I would not drink if I was going to be the driver. It seems to easy to misjudge how I'm doing and sometimes I don't feel anything after a couple of drinks and sometimes half a glass of wine hits me. But dh who weighs 100 pounds more than me, is okay having a drink or two early in a gathering, then eat a meal, then drive home.
As someone said up thread, kids see things in black and white. I think it's hard for them to fully comprehend the nuance. Our nine year old even said coming home from a BBQ where we left at 7pm and dh had one beer when we arrived around 2:30 pm, "mommy's going to drive, right, because dad had a beer." And dh wanted to go on and on about BAC and time and metabolism and how he's fine, and I just wanted to say, "yep, I'm driving." I mean we could have a bigger conversation later on, but I don't know too many new teen drivers who I would trust to make good judgements. So much clearer to have a solid line for when you drink, you don't drive, even if you feel fine. And you can call home and get a ride at any hour, which, huh, I guess means that either dh or I are designated back up driver when the kids are out once we get to that stage." By this logic, nobody could ever drive to a restaurant for a leisurely meal with a cocktail and then some wine with the meal. You could never meet up with friends at a brewery if you need to drive there. This is not a very useful way to model responsible drinking. |
Anonymous
NP. Not disputing your right to have a drink with dinner, but I really don’t think anyone should have a drink and drive—ever. Both DH and I believe this and don’t drink at restaurants, etc. if we’re driving. Never have, never will. |
Anonymous
I have read the list. You can have the best parents in the world and still go off the rails. It really depends on the kid, OP. I was a rebellious kid that didn't like following rules. My brother, who is 11 months younger than me, and was brought up with the same parents, values, opportunities, and rules, didn't drink, smoke drugs, or have sex. But I did know my limits, and I think that's really important. |
Anonymous
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"I really don’t think anyone should have a drink and drive—ever. Both DH and I believe this and don’t drink at restaurants, etc. if we’re driving. Never have, never will."
You're fabricating a new meaning for the concept of drinking and driving. We are supposed to avoid driving under the influence of alcohol. Nobody cares whether you drank at some point earlier in the day so long as you're not currently under the influence. You can have a mimosa during brunch at 11, then drive to the grocery store at 5 that evening for some hamburger buns. But you shouldn't chug down a tequila shot and 10 minutes later drive to pick up your friend from the airport. Teaching a kid how to make judgments about everything that falls in between those two points is a parent's job. |
Anonymous
I had all of these things and started drinking and smoking in ninth grade. Honestly, it only takes one wayward friend. Your kids‘ friends are the most important risk factor in adolescence. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| There absolutely is no easy answer to this question parent of an 18-year-old here with substance issues. I think the main thing I would do differently is encourage open sharing which I think we started but that as things progressed DC went more underground. And I would lower my reaction to things. At the same time I think I would do everything possible including drug testing to keep my kid away from regular weed use. It is a huge issue now with it legal everywhere. The kids think it’s nothing. The parents think it’s nothing.It is damaging in so many ways to their brain their motivation everything. And of course I smoke pot as a teenager as well but we were thrilled if we could find a joint once every three months. These kids can literally go down the street and buy whatever they want. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. My kid is now in his 20s opening up to us about his weed use earlier. Apparently he was stoned from 9th grade through freshman year of college, all day every day. Athlete, great grades, good relationships. It was only the summer after freshman year that it all kinda crashed for him and he quit. |
Anonymous
Most examples are not as clear cut as the one you just presented and that’s a problem with a teenager (who shouldn’t be drinking anything and driving). Now that car services like Uber are ubiquitous, there really isn’t the same excuses to parse the number of drinks. Teach your kids that is they are unsure, it’s better to call you your or Uber rather than risk it. |
Anonymous
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PP, that is my point. Teach kids that if they're unsure, err on the side of calling a cab. THAT is what a parent needs to teach their kid. Recognizing that you're unsure is a skill. You have to think about it. Stop and consider before just assuming you can drive. If it's been over an hour and you had half a beer along with a half-pound burger, you might assess, upon careful consideration, that you are fine to drive. But you have to stop and ask yourself the question and learn to be honest with yourself. That's how adults deal with it, not by creating a nonworkable solution like never drinking a beverage with alcohol when you arrive at a party and then then four hours later driving yourself home.
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Anonymous
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agree bout cabs/uber & drinking
i keep naloxone around hopefully i never need to use it https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugfacts/naloxone |
Anonymous
This doesn’t work as much as it used to. A lot of HS athletes now do lots of edibles and think that keeps their lungs safe. |