Inheritance Q

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother used to keep a Google spreadsheet to itemize every single gift/expenditure she made to each of my siblings and our kids and gave us the password so we could check it whenever we wanted. If she went to our beach house, she'd list the ice cream cones she bought my children on the boardwalk. And at the end of the year, she'd base her Christmas presents on her spreadsheet to even things out. It broke my heart the year she gave my sister's children mittens while my children got new MacBooks and Iphones because she chipped in when my brother-in-law's firm tanked. After that, I asked her to take me off her spreadsheet and not to worry about giving me a "fair" share. It's her money and she can divide it however she wants without worry about any feelings of entitlement from me.

I wouldn’t go this far too ensure equal gifting, but I appreciate the sentiment. My in-laws are terribly inequitable in their gifts to their kids and grandkids and it has caused resentment and broken relationships. I hate even talking to my MIL because it is always about how she bought this grandchild dinner out, or paid for the other one’s college tuition, or took another on vacation. Or how she gifts mid-5 figure amounts to one family. She has given my own kids nothing at all, whether it be college tuition, airfare, or summer camp, or even a trip to the ice cream store. My kids are hurt by the $20 bill at Christmas (if she remembers) and the forgotten birthdays. They can do whatever they want with their money, and our family has plenty, but they dug their own grave when I say my kids want nothing to do with their grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bringing this up would ruin a lot of my family dynamics, and so it would never be worth it to me to mention it.

If the mere presence of this solution will ruin your family's dynamic anyways, then it might be worth saying something. I can't imagine a scenario where you sound reasonable and not petty though.

How could it not?

In my very amicable family, my father helped out my brother by hiring him for certain jobs, paying large bills for his wife's psychiatric care, etc. We all thought this was good and helpful to my brother, but we would have a different view with this arrangement, and i am sure my brother would have refused it. It would be fairer if the market value of the house at the time of the parent's death, rather than at the time of transfer, were taken out of the sibling's share.

Maybe the sibling dynamic already is bad and the parents don't care if they worsen it. Sorry, OP, if this is the case.

Honestly, my parents have helped out my sister way more than they've helped me and she doesn't need the help. It's puzzling to me, but I truly don't care...that's between them. I do fine without the handouts.

Same in my family. My parents are so generous and no one counts pennies like this. I’m happy and grateful that we have this life where we can help each other out and if I were the one w the money id be giving it away to them.

[Anonymous]

Weird question -- but what if the trust/estate holds the house, and the sibling pays some fixed rent to it? That avoids the gift taxes and grows the estate as needed, while giving them an affordable place to live?

[Anonymous]

Presumably this means OP will also inherit a few million just not in the form of a house. I cannot begin to imagine being greedy before your parents are even dead on this level. It's insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used to keep a Google spreadsheet to itemize every single gift/expenditure she made to each of my siblings and our kids and gave us the password so we could check it whenever we wanted. If she went to our beach house, she'd list the ice cream cones she bought my children on the boardwalk. And at the end of the year, she'd base her Christmas presents on her spreadsheet to even things out. It broke my heart the year she gave my sister's children mittens while my children got new MacBooks and Iphones because she chipped in when my brother-in-law's firm tanked. After that, I asked her to take me off her spreadsheet and not to worry about giving me a "fair" share. It's her money and she can divide it however she wants without worry about any feelings of entitlement from me.

I wouldn’t go this far too ensure equal gifting, but I appreciate the sentiment. My in-laws are terribly inequitable in their gifts to their kids and grandkids and it has caused resentment and broken relationships. I hate even talking to my MIL because it is always about how she bought this grandchild dinner out, or paid for the other one’s college tuition, or took another on vacation. Or how she gifts mid-5 figure amounts to one family. She has given my own kids nothing at all, whether it be college tuition, airfare, or summer camp, or even a trip to the ice cream store. My kids are hurt by the $20 bill at Christmas (if she remembers) and the forgotten birthdays. They can do whatever they want with their money, and our family has plenty, but they dug their own grave when I say my kids want nothing to do with their grandparents.

Why do you feel so entitled to your husband's parents' money? Curious as to how much money you think the rest of the world owes you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used to keep a Google spreadsheet to itemize every single gift/expenditure she made to each of my siblings and our kids and gave us the password so we could check it whenever we wanted. If she went to our beach house, she'd list the ice cream cones she bought my children on the boardwalk. And at the end of the year, she'd base her Christmas presents on her spreadsheet to even things out. It broke my heart the year she gave my sister's children mittens while my children got new MacBooks and Iphones because she chipped in when my brother-in-law's firm tanked. After that, I asked her to take me off her spreadsheet and not to worry about giving me a "fair" share. It's her money and she can divide it however she wants without worry about any feelings of entitlement from me.

I wouldn’t go this far too ensure equal gifting, but I appreciate the sentiment. My in-laws are terribly inequitable in their gifts to their kids and grandkids and it has caused resentment and broken relationships. I hate even talking to my MIL because it is always about how she bought this grandchild dinner out, or paid for the other one’s college tuition, or took another on vacation. Or how she gifts mid-5 figure amounts to one family. She has given my own kids nothing at all, whether it be college tuition, airfare, or summer camp, or even a trip to the ice cream store. My kids are hurt by the $20 bill at Christmas (if she remembers) and the forgotten birthdays. They can do whatever they want with their money, and our family has plenty, but they dug their own grave when I say my kids want nothing to do with their grandparents.

Why do you feel so entitled to your husband's parents' money? Curious as to how much money you think the rest of the world owes you as well.

Why are you purposefully reading a negative / entitled intent in the post? You’re transferring your own feelings onto what poster is saying.

I’m sick of the sexist posters in this forum all of a sudden. Did you people just crawl out from under a rock with Spring or what?!?