Inheritance Q

[Anonymous]

You are ridiculous and greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there context missing on why they would gift their house to this sibling specifically? If, as you say, all of you have houses and mortgages of your own right now?

Because this is odd, and I'm trying to understand.

There's got to be more to this.

I am also trying to understand. I think the sibling suggested it and my parents went for it. They also didn't tell us all together. I called one sibling a week after I found out (because my parents asked me not to saying anything to my other siblings when they told me, since they wanted to tell my other siblings) and he still had no idea. I don't think it's intentional, but I think that my parents haven't thought this through and that they're doing this in a way that is really destructive for our relationships.

Whether you let this be destructive to your relationship with your sibling or your parent is ENTIRELY within your control. The house transfer situation is out of your control, but you can choose whether you let this impact how you feel about your family members. Another option would be to feel blessed that you have family wealth, regardless of how much eventually passes to you vs. other siblings.

Sure it is in your control. But it is fighting against human nature; children everywhere resent overt favoritism by parents. It can be done in many subtle ways, but little is so black and white and so easily quantifiable as giving one child a whole lot more money than the others for no particular reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there context missing on why they would gift their house to this sibling specifically? If, as you say, all of you have houses and mortgages of your own right now?

Because this is odd, and I'm trying to understand.

There's got to be more to this.

I am also trying to understand. I think the sibling suggested it and my parents went for it. They also didn't tell us all together. I called one sibling a week after I found out (because my parents asked me not to saying anything to my other siblings when they told me, since they wanted to tell my other siblings) and he still had no idea. I don't think it's intentional, but I think that my parents haven't thought this through and that they're doing this in a way that is really destructive for our relationships.

Whether you let this be destructive to your relationship with your sibling or your parent is ENTIRELY within your control. The house transfer situation is out of your control, but you can choose whether you let this impact how you feel about your family members. Another option would be to feel blessed that you have family wealth, regardless of how much eventually passes to you vs. other siblings.

Sure it is in your control. But it is fighting against human nature; children everywhere resent overt favoritism by parents. It can be done in many subtle ways, but little is so black and white and so easily quantifiable as giving one child a whole lot more money than the others for no particular reason.

All true. I've been in a similar situation with resentment before and have been a lot happier when I've taken the stance that on the whole I've been given resources and opportunities greater than what 95/99% of the population ever get from parents & relatives, and stopped worried about discrepancies/inequality amongst family members. My parents have also modeled this for me in the face of some unequal wealth distribution situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there context missing on why they would gift their house to this sibling specifically? If, as you say, all of you have houses and mortgages of your own right now?

Because this is odd, and I'm trying to understand.

There's got to be more to this.

I am also trying to understand. I think the sibling suggested it and my parents went for it. They also didn't tell us all together. I called one sibling a week after I found out (because my parents asked me not to saying anything to my other siblings when they told me, since they wanted to tell my other siblings) and he still had no idea. I don't think it's intentional, but I think that my parents haven't thought this through and that they're doing this in a way that is really destructive for our relationships.

Whether you let this be destructive to your relationship with your sibling or your parent is ENTIRELY within your control. The house transfer situation is out of your control, but you can choose whether you let this impact how you feel about your family members. Another option would be to feel blessed that you have family wealth, regardless of how much eventually passes to you vs. other siblings.

Sure it is in your control. But it is fighting against human nature; children everywhere resent overt favoritism by parents. It can be done in many subtle ways, but little is so black and white and so easily quantifiable as giving one child a whole lot more money than the others for no particular reason.

All true. I've been in a similar situation with resentment before and have been a lot happier when I've taken the stance that on the whole I've been given resources and opportunities greater than what 95/99% of the population ever get from parents & relatives, and stopped worried about discrepancies/inequality amongst family members. My parents have also modeled this for me in the face of some unequal wealth distribution situations.

This advice is obviously well-intended, but it's not realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are moving and want to give one of my siblings their current house (worth a few million) which this sibling would use as their new primary residence. We all have families and all own our homes, but have mortgages. We also all work, as do our spouses. My parents have floated that if this property transfer occurred they would take the market value of the house when they deed it over to sibling out of that sibling's portion of their estate. However, I don't think that this is fair. This sibling will not only have a huge asset and no mortgage in their 30s, they will be able to take the equity from the sale of their other house and put it into the market where it will grow exponentially. When the rest of us inherit our portions of the estate, the house will be worth considerably more than it is now and the sibling's equity (if put into the market) will have also grown considerably. I have not said anything yet, but I think that if this sibling is given a home worth a few million that the other siblings should be given the same amount in stock/cash. Does this sound fair? Is there anything I'm not thinking of here?

Two things you are not thinking about:

1. How greedy you are.
2. How it is none of your business what your parents do with their money.

Why is OP greedy? Fairness and wanting equal distribution is not greed. If anything, sibling is greedy. Obviously the parents can do what they want with their money, but if they want to avoid resentment and conflict and estrangement, they would be wise to come up with a plan for equal distribution. Talking to an estate lawyer may be warranted.

Oh come on. OP is greedily trying to get as much of her parent's estate for herself as possible, focusing on making sure her sibling does not get more than her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are moving and want to give one of my siblings their current house (worth a few million) which this sibling would use as their new primary residence. We all have families and all own our homes, but have mortgages. We also all work, as do our spouses. My parents have floated that if this property transfer occurred they would take the market value of the house when they deed it over to sibling out of that sibling's portion of their estate. However, I don't think that this is fair. This sibling will not only have a huge asset and no mortgage in their 30s, they will be able to take the equity from the sale of their other house and put it into the market where it will grow exponentially. When the rest of us inherit our portions of the estate, the house will be worth considerably more than it is now and the sibling's equity (if put into the market) will have also grown considerably. I have not said anything yet, but I think that if this sibling is given a home worth a few million that the other siblings should be given the same amount in stock/cash. Does this sound fair? Is there anything I'm not thinking of here?

Two things you are not thinking about:

1. How greedy you are.
2. How it is none of your business what your parents do with their money.

Sorry your life sucks

I'm the person who posted the short list above, and my life does not suck? I am not obsessed with the status of my parent's estate, nor am I concerned that my sibling might get a tiny bit more of it than me! I happily live my life recognizing that at this point, my parents owe my nothing - and that I should be thankful for what they gave me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there context missing on why they would gift their house to this sibling specifically? If, as you say, all of you have houses and mortgages of your own right now?

Because this is odd, and I'm trying to understand.

There's got to be more to this.

I am also trying to understand. I think the sibling suggested it and my parents went for it. They also didn't tell us all together. I called one sibling a week after I found out (because my parents asked me not to saying anything to my other siblings when they told me, since they wanted to tell my other siblings) and he still had no idea. I don't think it's intentional, but I think that my parents haven't thought this through and that they're doing this in a way that is really destructive for our relationships.

Any insights into your sibling's motivations? Is she financially literate enough to know the implications for other siblings as well as the tax and estate implications? Does she care if she has good relations with the rest of you?

Sibling is jealous and insecure and likes having nice things. Sibling would not be able to afford a very nice house in a very nice area (mkt value is close to $3M), so this is the best way to do it. Sibling definitely does not understand tax implications, but parents will probably take care of that for sibling...and not a concern. Sibling understands that getting house now is better for them than getting house in 30 years from an estate standpoint, since it's worth so much less now than it will be in 30 years and thus, represents a smaller part of the estate. Sibling also understands no mortgage and implications of being able to sell current home and keep equity to invest in market, buy nice things, go on expensive vacations, etc.

And yes, sibling understands that this will put a wedge between all of us. Apparently that's a concern.

Concern of sibling or your parents?

Putting a wedge between us is not a concern of my sibling, because she initiated this and didn't even talk to me and my other siblings before asking to see if we wanted the house or if we had any reservations. I have no idea why my parents haven't figured out it's destructive. They have a lot going on professionally and personally right now and I think maybe it just hasn't occurred to them yet.

[Anonymous]

This happens more often than you would think - I know two situations very similar to what you are describing. I think the sentimental idea of keeping the family home in the family may drive some of this decision making but only your parents know why they have decided to give their home to your brother - and why siblings accept something they must know provides an unfair advantage. Either way - there is no law telling your parents or brother how things should be divided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are they favoring this one child? Has it always been this way? I’m assuming this isn’t about money, but how you feel less than to your parents. However, you kind of sound like a vulture.

+1 to the bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there context missing on why they would gift their house to this sibling specifically? If, as you say, all of you have houses and mortgages of your own right now?

Because this is odd, and I'm trying to understand.

There's got to be more to this.

I am also trying to understand. I think the sibling suggested it and my parents went for it. They also didn't tell us all together. I called one sibling a week after I found out (because my parents asked me not to saying anything to my other siblings when they told me, since they wanted to tell my other siblings) and he still had no idea. I don't think it's intentional, but I think that my parents haven't thought this through and that they're doing this in a way that is really destructive for our relationships.

Any insights into your sibling's motivations? Is she financially literate enough to know the implications for other siblings as well as the tax and estate implications? Does she care if she has good relations with the rest of you?

Sibling is jealous and insecure and likes having nice things. Sibling would not be able to afford a very nice house in a very nice area (mkt value is close to $3M), so this is the best way to do it. Sibling definitely does not understand tax implications, but parents will probably take care of that for sibling...and not a concern. Sibling understands that getting house now is better for them than getting house in 30 years from an estate standpoint, since it's worth so much less now than it will be in 30 years and thus, represents a smaller part of the estate. Sibling also understands no mortgage and implications of being able to sell current home and keep equity to invest in market, buy nice things, go on expensive vacations, etc.

Why are you going to such lengths to avoid pronouns? We all you are a woman and the sibling in question is your sister. Whatever your sister's flaws, you have always been competitive with her and don't want good things to happen to her.

[Anonymous]

When the rest of us inherit our portions of the estate, the house will be worth considerably more than it is now

This is all that matters. Matters some. You make a valid point, Op. If both parents died and their estate was settled more than 10 years from now ~ it would matter enough to bug me.

[Anonymous]

Op, why are you afraid to talk to your parents? Take about 1/3 of what you've written here ... and at least let them know - you know. You know enough about money to recognize it's not equal.

Calmly. And not so many words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there context missing on why they would gift their house to this sibling specifically? If, as you say, all of you have houses and mortgages of your own right now?

Because this is odd, and I'm trying to understand.

There's got to be more to this.

I am also trying to understand. I think the sibling suggested it and my parents went for it. They also didn't tell us all together. I called one sibling a week after I found out (because my parents asked me not to saying anything to my other siblings when they told me, since they wanted to tell my other siblings) and he still had no idea. I don't think it's intentional, but I think that my parents haven't thought this through and that they're doing this in a way that is really destructive for our relationships.

Any insights into your sibling's motivations? Is she financially literate enough to know the implications for other siblings as well as the tax and estate implications? Does she care if she has good relations with the rest of you?

Sibling is jealous and insecure and likes having nice things. Sibling would not be able to afford a very nice house in a very nice area (mkt value is close to $3M), so this is the best way to do it. Sibling definitely does not understand tax implications, but parents will probably take care of that for sibling...and not a concern. Sibling understands that getting house now is better for them than getting house in 30 years from an estate standpoint, since it's worth so much less now than it will be in 30 years and thus, represents a smaller part of the estate. Sibling also understands no mortgage and implications of being able to sell current home and keep equity to invest in market, buy nice things, go on expensive vacations, etc.

And yes, sibling understands that this will put a wedge between all of us. Apparently that's a concern.

Concern of sibling or your parents?

Putting a wedge between us is not a concern of my sibling, because she initiated this and didn't even talk to me and my other siblings before asking to see if we wanted the house or if we had any reservations. I have no idea why my parents haven't figured out it's destructive. They have a lot going on professionally and personally right now and I think maybe it just hasn't occurred to them yet.

I want know more about this sister. I can’t really imagine a situation where I tell my parents, “Hey, I’d love to live in your awesome $3 million house instead of my crappy one, so how about you just give me yours? Cool?”

Also, are your parents actually planning to downsize or move out of the area?

[Anonymous]

A few questions:
-Why are your parents considering this option? Is sibling the favorite or needy? Are parents not up to cleaning out their house?
-Can sibling afford the taxes and upkeep?
-How will family feel if sibling sells in a few years because they can't handle the taxes?

If you have a good relationship with your parents, I would communicate your concerns.

[Anonymous]

Not fair huh OP?

You know what isn’t fair. Growing very poor in rural America and remembering being so hungry that you stole food out of a neighbor’s dog bowl and then feeling guilty doing it. You stand to inherit millions and I’m sure grew up with every privilege and then more than what I could ever have imagined as a child.

You got it so very good.