I hate weekend parenting - anyone else?

[Anonymous]

^^ and I will add, as nice as it was for me to experience my husband's family, it was very hard for him to understand my family. He gets really upset by my parents parenting towards me and their lack of interest in our kids, he just doesn't understand why people would be like that. It's definitely been a source of strain in our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate all pandemic parenting days and sometimes I wonder why I had kids it’s that bad.

If you were parented with love and attention, you will bestow the same to your children. The WASP parenting is based on individualism and so parents want children to not take up their time. It shows up in the kinds of people they raise. Self-centered, individualistic, incapable of reciprocity, prone to depression and anxiety, incapable of being good parents.

You had kids because you had a checklist. It is not as if you are bonded to your kids or like them.

+1000
I'm a WASP and didn't realize how effed up my parents parenting was/is until I married into an Italian American family. Just completely different values and ways of being a family. It was eye opening and I'm grateful to learn a different way.

i'm Italian American but part of my family is more WASP-y. curious what you mean (though I have an idea)

+1

I'd actually like PP do do an AMA.

I'm PP. My parents are very uninvolved grandparents, they aren't the type to get on the floor with the kids or plan fun outings. Kids are to have a short conversation with during cocktail hour and that's it. They love them very much, just don't "understand" kids or really want to. My in-laws, on the other hand, are all about kids. Kids are the center of their lives. My husband spent a lot of time with his grandparents growing up and my in-laws spend a lot of time with their grandkids. They seem to genuinely enjoy their company. They also just understand how kids work. My mom has never changed a diaper, probably wouldn't even know how (she once texted me to come upstairs when my newborn pooped). If my kids are throwing a fit they shut down and just don't know how to deal, it breaks their brain.

Overall, my husband's family is generally just more family oriented, family is the most important thing to them. In contrast to how I grew up, which was polite distance to family. I remember being driven around once by my grandfather because my grandmother was busy (playing bridge lol) and he only talked to me about golf and the weather. We just aren't a close-knit family, and kids are more of an odd curiosity than a central part of an adult's day to day life.

I love my husband's family and am very glad to have seen another way to parent.

So when you have a hectic day with lots of stuff to do, how do little kids fit into that scenario? I love the idea of kids truly being part of the family but I also envision those times being during relaxing times, or when kids can help with the tasks that need to be done, if that makes sense. I ask because my first reaction to the OP was that the problem isn't her kids or her parenting, it's just that she has too much to do, but maybe I'm off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate all pandemic parenting days and sometimes I wonder why I had kids it’s that bad.

If you were parented with love and attention, you will bestow the same to your children. The WASP parenting is based on individualism and so parents want children to not take up their time. It shows up in the kinds of people they raise. Self-centered, individualistic, incapable of reciprocity, prone to depression and anxiety, incapable of being good parents.

You had kids because you had a checklist. It is not as if you are bonded to your kids or like them.

+1000
I'm a WASP and didn't realize how effed up my parents parenting was/is until I married into an Italian American family. Just completely different values and ways of being a family. It was eye opening and I'm grateful to learn a different way.

i'm Italian American but part of my family is more WASP-y. curious what you mean (though I have an idea)

+1

I'd actually like PP do do an AMA.

I'm PP. My parents are very uninvolved grandparents, they aren't the type to get on the floor with the kids or plan fun outings. Kids are to have a short conversation with during cocktail hour and that's it. They love them very much, just don't "understand" kids or really want to. My in-laws, on the other hand, are all about kids. Kids are the center of their lives. My husband spent a lot of time with his grandparents growing up and my in-laws spend a lot of time with their grandkids. They seem to genuinely enjoy their company. They also just understand how kids work. My mom has never changed a diaper, probably wouldn't even know how (she once texted me to come upstairs when my newborn pooped). If my kids are throwing a fit they shut down and just don't know how to deal, it breaks their brain.

Overall, my husband's family is generally just more family oriented, family is the most important thing to them. In contrast to how I grew up, which was polite distance to family. I remember being driven around once by my grandfather because my grandmother was busy (playing bridge lol) and he only talked to me about golf and the weather. We just aren't a close-knit family, and kids are more of an odd curiosity than a central part of an adult's day to day life.

I love my husband's family and am very glad to have seen another way to parent.

So when you have a hectic day with lots of stuff to do, how do little kids fit into that scenario? I love the idea of kids truly being part of the family but I also envision those times being during relaxing times, or when kids can help with the tasks that need to be done, if that makes sense. I ask because my first reaction to the OP was that the problem isn't her kids or her parenting, it's just that she has too much to do, but maybe I'm off.

DP but also Italian-American -- kids helping is a big part of our family gatherings. Even as young as 3 or 4 I would help peel vegetables or chop appetizers. And it wasn't seen as chores, everyone knew that we all helped out. The older kids would also help watch the young ones. When kids are truly trained to help out it takes a load off of the burden

[Anonymous]

What a depressing post. OP: i don't want to fix it, just whine about it and have a Pity Party with like-minded parents that also hate "modern" parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate all pandemic parenting days and sometimes I wonder why I had kids it’s that bad.

If you were parented with love and attention, you will bestow the same to your children. The WASP parenting is based on individualism and so parents want children to not take up their time. It shows up in the kinds of people they raise. Self-centered, individualistic, incapable of reciprocity, prone to depression and anxiety, incapable of being good parents.

You had kids because you had a checklist. It is not as if you are bonded to your kids or like them.

+1000
I'm a WASP and didn't realize how effed up my parents parenting was/is until I married into an Italian American family. Just completely different values and ways of being a family. It was eye opening and I'm grateful to learn a different way.

i'm Italian American but part of my family is more WASP-y. curious what you mean (though I have an idea)

+1

I'd actually like PP do do an AMA.

I'm PP. My parents are very uninvolved grandparents, they aren't the type to get on the floor with the kids or plan fun outings. Kids are to have a short conversation with during cocktail hour and that's it. They love them very much, just don't "understand" kids or really want to. My in-laws, on the other hand, are all about kids. Kids are the center of their lives. My husband spent a lot of time with his grandparents growing up and my in-laws spend a lot of time with their grandkids. They seem to genuinely enjoy their company. They also just understand how kids work. My mom has never changed a diaper, probably wouldn't even know how (she once texted me to come upstairs when my newborn pooped). If my kids are throwing a fit they shut down and just don't know how to deal, it breaks their brain.

Overall, my husband's family is generally just more family oriented, family is the most important thing to them. In contrast to how I grew up, which was polite distance to family. I remember being driven around once by my grandfather because my grandmother was busy (playing bridge lol) and he only talked to me about golf and the weather. We just aren't a close-knit family, and kids are more of an odd curiosity than a central part of an adult's day to day life.

I love my husband's family and am very glad to have seen another way to parent.

So when you have a hectic day with lots of stuff to do, how do little kids fit into that scenario? I love the idea of kids truly being part of the family but I also envision those times being during relaxing times, or when kids can help with the tasks that need to be done, if that makes sense. I ask because my first reaction to the OP was that the problem isn't her kids or her parenting, it's just that she has too much to do, but maybe I'm off.

DP but also Italian-American -- kids helping is a big part of our family gatherings. Even as young as 3 or 4 I would help peel vegetables or chop appetizers. And it wasn't seen as chores, everyone knew that we all helped out. The older kids would also help watch the young ones. When kids are truly trained to help out it takes a load off of the burden

PP with the Italian American DH here- my husband was one of six and his mom was a District Attorney. I ask her this all the time, I feel like I can barely cope with my two. She really just prioritized. They ate simple meals, house was kind of a mess, kids did their own laundry from an early age, older siblings helped a lot. To PP's point, it's just much less of an individualistic mindset, it's a mindset that everyone in the family pitches in. Parents didn't do everything for everyone, every member of the family did their part. This is huge in our house and something I love about his family.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so sad and indicative of how a lot of millennial parents feel about childrearing, including many in my orbit.

To the parents who complain about having to spend time with their young children: why did you decide to have children in the first place if you don't enjoy being around them? I'm genuinely curious.

Kids grow up so fast! Once they're 11 or 12, they no longer want to have anything to do with you. Enjoy your time together while you are still their world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a depressing post. OP: i don't want to fix it, just whine about it and have a Pity Party with like-minded parents that also hate "modern" parenting.

It sounds like OP hates actual parenting of any kind. It's fine for a nanny or babysitter to deal with her kids... but OP doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so sad and indicative of how a lot of millennial parents feel about childrearing, including many in my orbit.

To the parents who complain about having to spend time with their young children: why did you decide to have children in the first place if you don't enjoy being around them? I'm genuinely curious.

Kids grow up so fast! Once they're 11 or 12, they no longer want to have anything to do with you. Enjoy your time together while you are still their world.

NP - parenting the last couple years isn't what parenting is supposed to be like! doing it alone in your house (maybe with a nanny) without mom friends and playdates and places to take your kids on weekends and the ability to have a babysitter to go out to dinner and family bbqs and visitors etc etc etc. Adults are made to spend endless hours alone with their kids and thats what the last couple years have been. I moved 2 years ago and have made exactly one friend b/c at school drop off we are expected to distance and shove our 3yos in the door, people have started going to play spaces again but no one is chatting etc. Weekends are miserable - not because i don't love my kids but because parenting in these isolated vacuums isn't normal!

[Anonymous]

No. We have never insisted on a tidy house, and we've never done that much crafts, so there was never an issue. Are my kids total outliers? I don't know, but we've never had any trouble having quiet and restful weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, especially this time of the year, is is SO hard! When our nanny leaves on Friday, I know I have 35 hours of childcare ahead of me (almost 2 and almost 5 year old) with minimal breaks other than sleep in sight. When they sleep, I try to get all those house tasks done, but it’s exhausting. Structure and outside activities help, but watching almost toddlers is not relaxing or easy. I’m right there with you!

That was my life for years and years.

[Anonymous]

Those years are very tough OP! Once the youngest is out of diapers and they start to play sports and have friends it’s so much easier. On a day like today, my kids will go to a playground, then a birthday party, run errands with us, another playground, sports practice, then dinner and cartoons. They are 4 and 6.

[Anonymous]

OP, I also have 1.5 and 5 yo but girls so K get the exhaustion of the weekends. I try not to allow myself to sink into dread and really focus on making memories with my girls. Bc in reality this so such a short period of time where we have our babies with us and wanting our attention. I try to savor it bc I know I’ll be sad when they’re grown and I don’t get this time back with the four of us together. That said, both girls are in school and daycare full time so Dh and I often take random days off during the week to recover from the craziness of this phase of life. You need to take time for yourself too however you can get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so sad and indicative of how a lot of millennial parents feel about childrearing, including many in my orbit.

To the parents who complain about having to spend time with their young children: why did you decide to have children in the first place if you don't enjoy being around them? I'm genuinely curious.

Kids grow up so fast! Once they're 11 or 12, they no longer want to have anything to do with you. Enjoy your time together while you are still their world.

NP - parenting the last couple years isn't what parenting is supposed to be like! doing it alone in your house (maybe with a nanny) without mom friends and playdates and places to take your kids on weekends and the ability to have a babysitter to go out to dinner and family bbqs and visitors etc etc etc. Adults are made to spend endless hours alone with their kids and thats what the last couple years have been. I moved 2 years ago and have made exactly one friend b/c at school drop off we are expected to distance and shove our 3yos in the door, people have started going to play spaces again but no one is chatting etc. Weekends are miserable - not because i don't love my kids but because parenting in these isolated vacuums isn't normal!

Oh give me a break! My kids are middle schoolers now, so we had no pandemic when they were toddlers. We rarely socialized with friends on weekends unless it was a birthday party. It was our “family time” - we went on hikes, activities, museums, out to eat, explored town, puttered around at home, went to the park and library. Yeah certain things have been closed during the pandemic, but not so much anymore. Staying inside all the time IS depressing, but that’s a choice you make, certainly not a requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is unbelievable. You can’t “handle” your own children for 24 hours without help from a nanny? (Let alone actually enjoy them and have them enjoy you, which clearly is out of the question…)

Women have been bearing and raising children—almost always way more of them than the 1.4 kids you have—for millennia. Under much more difficult conditions. But we don’t understand the massive hardship of nursing, while also having a 5 year old?! GMAFB.

Half the population of earth does this. Billions of people. You’re not splitting the atom here.

This thread is depressing. Childfree people get judged for being honest with themselves about not wanting to have children, but at least they aren't online lamenting about having to be a parent all day on Saturday and Sunday. Parenting a hard job. There is no doubt about that. I appreciate when parents are honest and realistic about their experiences, but geez...dreading weekends because you have to parent your kids all day?? That's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so sad and indicative of how a lot of millennial parents feel about childrearing, including many in my orbit.

To the parents who complain about having to spend time with their young children: why did you decide to have children in the first place if you don't enjoy being around them? I'm genuinely curious.

Kids grow up so fast! Once they're 11 or 12, they no longer want to have anything to do with you. Enjoy your time together while you are still their world.

NP - parenting the last couple years isn't what parenting is supposed to be like! doing it alone in your house (maybe with a nanny) without mom friends and playdates and places to take your kids on weekends and the ability to have a babysitter to go out to dinner and family bbqs and visitors etc etc etc. Adults are made to spend endless hours alone with their kids and thats what the last couple years have been. I moved 2 years ago and have made exactly one friend b/c at school drop off we are expected to distance and shove our 3yos in the door, people have started going to play spaces again but no one is chatting etc. Weekends are miserable - not because i don't love my kids but because parenting in these isolated vacuums isn't normal!

Oh give me a break! My kids are middle schoolers now, so we had no pandemic when they were toddlers. We rarely socialized with friends on weekends unless it was a birthday party. It was our “family time” - we went on hikes, activities, museums, out to eat, explored town, puttered around at home, went to the park and library. Yeah certain things have been closed during the pandemic, but not so much anymore. Staying inside all the time IS depressing, but that’s a choice you make, certainly not a requirement.

Half the stuff you mentioned doing CANNOT BE DONE during the past few years. What don't you understand about that?