When your kid doesn’t want you at Move-In
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| DD will be a freshman. She wants her dad (my husband) to go to Move In but not really me. Because Im the child of a narcissistic mother, I have tried hard not to be like her while raising my kids, but my daughter and I are still not close. Because of my mom, I will not force myself into the event but it still makes me sad. Anyone else’s kid doing this? |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry OP. Don’t obsess and become your mom. Sing “Let It Go” in your head if needed. Bummer that she wanted dad. It would’ve been better if she had no parent take her. My roommate and I thankfully were on the same page and moved ourselves in without parents, and avoided silly parent drama. My mom still brings it up, BUT I don’t have to hear how dad went and not her. So again I say, let it go, let it go. |
Anonymous
My DS2 told us he didn’t want parents at move-in and asked for DS1 to take him.  I said okay, but I wanted pictures of his room (with him in it) if he expected us to keep paying the bill.  It’s fine. They are leaving the nest and some want more separation than others.
|
Anonymous
| ^^DS2 is a freshman |
Anonymous
|
Honestly be thankful. It will be hot outside. You will be lugging s__t up 2 or 3 flights of stairs. Parents end up just being porters at move in. It will be crowded with cars.
Enjoy your day off. Your husband will miss your help. |
Anonymous
| Wow. I would have been crushed. Have you never gotten along? I would work on that and would consider counseling. |
Anonymous
|
I’m sorry, that would make me feel sad. Do you know why she doesn’t want you there? Do you try to make uncomfortable situations better by talking a lot? My mom does that and it drives me a little crazy—I often wish she would just sit and listen and experience without her constant commentary—but I know she’s doing it out of a place of anxiety.
If you really want to go, I would sit down and ask her what you could do to make the process go as smooth as possible for her. Listen and don’t get defensive. Just listen. Remember that moving away to college is a big deal to these kids and it’s hard for them on a “normal” year, let alone during Covid. If she doesn’t have a good reason or is downright rude to you for no reason, then it’s time to let it go. |
Anonymous
This. Right now they are only allowing one parent at move-in to reduce COVID risk and I’m thankful my husband has to do it - he can carry heavy things and I can’t. |
Anonymous
| What is needed at college that a mom cannot lift? |
Anonymous
| OP, I'm sorry. That hurts. I know I'd be hurt. But it's not about us. I know you already know that. Gove her a hug before they drive off and make sure someone gets pictures. Xoxo |
Anonymous
I think a mom can lift it all but moving a mini fridge and boxes of clothes up flights of stairs in 99 degree heat is miserable. Unlikely you can catch the elevator. Ask for pics and wish her well. During pandemic it’s probably best. |
Anonymous
Np Wow! You must really hate your parents. Trust me when I say this but, not every parent has "silly parent drama" Sounds like you had a difficult relationship and I'm sorry for you ( honestly, no snark) My dh and I are helping my dd move it and then we are leaving. We are excited for her new adventure! |
Anonymous
Don’t know about you, but I don’t want to lug a mini-fridge or suitcases up 3 flights of stairs in an building with no AC. |
Anonymous
| There must be something about your behavior that mortified your daughter. What don you think it is? |
Anonymous
| I think most schools are only allowing one parent at move-in and it happens during specific windows, right? It's not a relaxed, social time, it's very much "get this done and get out." |