My sister feels ugly next to me

[Anonymous]

I have a sister who is 8 years younger than me. She is cute but often compares herself to the way I look and wonders why she doesn’t look as conventionally beautiful. Thing is, she doesn’t know that I had work done on my face (she was young when I got it done and parents are dead so no one there to tell her how different I look). I’ve been deflecting and telling her she is gorgeous and will grow into her looks like I did, but I wonder if this is unfair to her. I really don’t want to tell her about the work done though because she is not good at keeping a secret. But I also care a lot about her and don’t want her to think of herself as the less attractive sister. How should I deal with this?

[Anonymous]

This is so weird because I have a similar dynamic and also got work.

I did tell her but she can’t afford the surgery so it didn’t really help her to know.

[Anonymous]

You have to tell her. Make her swear to keep it a secret.

[Anonymous]

Tell her. What’s wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her. What’s wrong with you?

This. It's cruel to keep it from her. Maybe get work done on your character, OP.

[Anonymous]

It’s a weird secret to keep from your own sister.

What did you have done? Nose job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to tell her. Make her swear to keep it a secret.

I would tell her if I thought she could keep it a secret but I know she wouldn’t be able to. She’s very much a millennial and not mature enough yet.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to go against the crowd here and say don't tell. I think it would be more valuable for her to stop thinking so much about looks.

That being said, I'm in my early 30s and I tell everyone who wants to know what I get done. I don't feel a need to act like I was born with it.

[Anonymous]

Good make up techniques can work wonders. Wait for her to grow into her looks then you can share work done and help her at the time.

[Anonymous]

If she's a millennial she's what...late 20s-late 30s? The "growing into looks" ship has sailed.

[Anonymous]

I know of someone who had a lot of work done. Her mother told her brother while she was having it done. SIL then told me. When I saw the woman I told her she looked great, which she did. She said thanks, I broke down and got botox and filler.

She shouldn't have to tell me, but weird that I know and she doesn't want to admit it.

All to say, I would never want to be put in that position unless I am willing to just say, Yep, I got work done. And no one else but me should put me in that position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know of someone who had a lot of work done. Her mother told her brother while she was having it done. SIL then told me. When I saw the woman I told her she looked great, which she did. She said thanks, I broke down and got botox and filler.

She shouldn't have to tell me, but weird that I know and she doesn't want to admit it.

All to say, I would never want to be put in that position unless I am willing to just say, Yep, I got work done. And no one else but me should put me in that position.

Pity your SIL didn’t feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to tell her. Make her swear to keep it a secret.

I would tell her if I thought she could keep it a secret but I know she wouldn’t be able to. She’s very much a millennial and not mature enough yet.

Why do you have to keep it a secret?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to tell her about her plastic surgery. You DO have to tell her that there will ALWAYS be someone prettier than she is, and uglier than she is. There'll always be someone richer and someone more poor, someone smarter and someone dumber. And she needs to work on her own self esteem to: value herself more than just how she looks, and to stop comparing herself to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know of someone who had a lot of work done. Her mother told her brother while she was having it done. SIL then told me. When I saw the woman I told her she looked great, which she did. She said thanks, I broke down and got botox and filler.

She shouldn't have to tell me, but weird that I know and she doesn't want to admit it.

All to say, I would never want to be put in that position unless I am willing to just say, Yep, I got work done. And no one else but me should put me in that position.

Pity your SIL didn’t feel the same way.

My point exactly. Not to mention, the mother for having told her son in the first place. I would hate to keep it from someone I care about, but if I couldn't trust him/her not to tell people how then do I tell them?