What's the deal with evil or mean people?

[Anonymous]

It is rare you come across someone who just seems like a bad person, but I have realized someone in my life is and have created boundaries and distance. She was boasting about getting a pregnant friend drunk and saying another friend deserved to have a disabled child because she had a baby as an older mom (36, so nothing crazy). She also finds any opportunity she can to put someone down. What causes someone to be like this? She seems to have a normal upbringing and otherwise sort of blends in with the crowd. She doesn't have many friends which I guess isn't a surprise. Are some people just inherently kind of evil or do you think it could be a personality disorder?

[Anonymous]

Could be a lot of things, but aggressive/nasty people just remind me of aggressive/nasty dogs. There isn't something wrong with them, but people always hurt them (or have hurt them) so they have a "fight face" on and have to lash out first. They have the attitude of dogs who were forced to fight.

Cut them off, and find people who have the attitude of a golden retriever loafing around in a pile of leaves.

[Anonymous]

It could be due to many different reasons from mental health issues to upbringing.

The meanest woman I know is terribly unhappy at heart. Instead of focusing her energy on addressing and working through her issues she lashes out at those she deems "weaker" targets or those who have the happiness she desires but can't seem to achieve.

I agree with pp about steering clear of these people. At least until they get the professional help they need.

[Anonymous]

I've known two women like this in my life. Both have worked for us. One is mid 40's. She is strikingly beautiful and has a "hot figure". She is single.

The one working for us has a high school degree. I think she has deep seated anger that she is not married do a big income male. She is divorced. The longer she works for us I realize how undeducated she really is. Since she does not have the education to get ahead she puts others down in the workplace and fakes problems with others at the workplace to make her self advance. It is really twisted.

She worked at the DHS&MV office on a prior job. She started dating her boss who was married with children. The affair blew up. Her boss stayed with the wife and children. She filed a 2-1/2 million sexual harrassment lawsuit with the STate of Maryland. Since she is working with us I don't think the lawsuit went anywhere.

We had an older gent/client stop by the office. He was fit, attractive and dressed like he was in a Ralph Lauren ad. She wanted the gent's name as she wanted to date the gent. The guy was happily married to a teacher.
She backed down but in her world if a guy is happily married it is okay to still target the guy for dating.

I agree with prior poster. This lady is unhappy at heart and
targets weaker people to take out her frustration at life.

She has verbally lashed out at our CPA a number of times such that the CPA (a very nice lady) called me up and told me to fire her.

Recently I've had the verbal abuse (like the CPA) and we will most likely be terminating this woman at some point.
It is tough to walk on eggshells at work.

These people are toxic and have deep seated issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've known two women like this in my life. Both have worked for us. One is mid 40's. She is strikingly beautiful and has a "hot figure". She is single.

The one working for us has a high school degree. I think she has deep seated anger that she is not married do a big income male. She is divorced. The longer she works for us I realize how undeducated she really is. Since she does not have the education to get ahead she puts others down in the workplace and fakes problems with others at the workplace to make her self advance. It is really twisted.

She worked at the DHS&MV office on a prior job. She started dating her boss who was married with children. The affair blew up. Her boss stayed with the wife and children. She filed a 2-1/2 million sexual harrassment lawsuit with the STate of Maryland. Since she is working with us I don't think the lawsuit went anywhere.

We had an older gent/client stop by the office. He was fit, attractive and dressed like he was in a Ralph Lauren ad. She wanted the gent's name as she wanted to date the gent. The guy was happily married to a teacher.
She backed down but in her world if a guy is happily married it is okay to still target the guy for dating.

I agree with prior poster. This lady is unhappy at heart and
targets weaker people to take out her frustration at life.

She has verbally lashed out at our CPA a number of times such that the CPA (a very nice lady) called me up and told me to fire her.

Recently I've had the verbal abuse (like the CPA) and we will most likely be terminating this woman at some point.
It is tough to walk on eggshells at work.

These people are toxic and have deep seated issues.

With some of these people it's not even about the guy. It can be a (very one-sided) competition with the woman the guy is married to. In the damaged person's mind they are somehow "winning" or "better than" the spouse of the person they are pursuing. It's the "I must be amazing if he's willing to risk losing her to cheat with me." You summed it up perfectly with the word "twisted."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could be a lot of things, but aggressive/nasty people just remind me of aggressive/nasty dogs. There isn't something wrong with them, but people always hurt them (or have hurt them) so they have a "fight face" on and have to lash out first. They have the attitude of dogs who were forced to fight.

Cut them off, and find people who have the attitude of a golden retriever loafing around in a pile of leaves.

+1

Perfect analogy! This, OP.

You will never be safe in this person's circle, and they often hate themselves - just avoid, avoid, avoid - physically and mentally avoid this toxic person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've known two women like this in my life. Both have worked for us. One is mid 40's. She is strikingly beautiful and has a "hot figure". She is single.

The one working for us has a high school degree. I think she has deep seated anger that she is not married do a big income male. She is divorced. The longer she works for us I realize how undeducated she really is. Since she does not have the education to get ahead she puts others down in the workplace and fakes problems with others at the workplace to make her self advance. It is really twisted.

She worked at the DHS&MV office on a prior job. She started dating her boss who was married with children. The affair blew up. Her boss stayed with the wife and children. She filed a 2-1/2 million sexual harrassment lawsuit with the STate of Maryland. Since she is working with us I don't think the lawsuit went anywhere.

We had an older gent/client stop by the office. He was fit, attractive and dressed like he was in a Ralph Lauren ad. She wanted the gent's name as she wanted to date the gent. The guy was happily married to a teacher.
She backed down but in her world if a guy is happily married it is okay to still target the guy for dating.

I agree with prior poster. This lady is unhappy at heart and
targets weaker people to take out her frustration at life.

She has verbally lashed out at our CPA a number of times such that the CPA (a very nice lady) called me up and told me to fire her.

Recently I've had the verbal abuse (like the CPA) and we will most likely be terminating this woman at some point.
It is tough to walk on eggshells at work.

These people are toxic and have deep seated issues.

With some of these people it's not even about the guy. It can be a (very one-sided) competition with the woman the guy is married to. In the damaged person's mind they are somehow "winning" or "better than" the spouse of the person they are pursuing. It's the "I must be amazing if he's willing to risk losing her to cheat with me." You summed it up perfectly with the word "twisted."

+1

BINGO. They stop at nothing, because they have nothing to lose. Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be due to many different reasons from mental health issues to upbringing.

The meanest woman I know is terribly unhappy at heart. Instead of focusing her energy on addressing and working through her issues she lashes out at those she deems "weaker" targets or those who have the happiness she desires but can't seem to achieve.

I agree with pp about steering clear of these people. At least until they get the professional help they need.

+1

This. OP, they need help. You are not their therapist.

People like this wonder why they are never happy - because they bring it on themselves.

[Anonymous]

Some people are not good. When they show you who they are, believe them. Let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've known two women like this in my life. Both have worked for us. One is mid 40's. She is strikingly beautiful and has a "hot figure". She is single.

The one working for us has a high school degree. I think she has deep seated anger that she is not married do a big income male. She is divorced. The longer she works for us I realize how undeducated she really is. Since she does not have the education to get ahead she puts others down in the workplace and fakes problems with others at the workplace to make her self advance. It is really twisted.

She worked at the DHS&MV office on a prior job. She started dating her boss who was married with children. The affair blew up. Her boss stayed with the wife and children. She filed a 2-1/2 million sexual harrassment lawsuit with the STate of Maryland. Since she is working with us I don't think the lawsuit went anywhere.

We had an older gent/client stop by the office. He was fit, attractive and dressed like he was in a Ralph Lauren ad. She wanted the gent's name as she wanted to date the gent. The guy was happily married to a teacher.
She backed down but in her world if a guy is happily married it is okay to still target the guy for dating.

I agree with prior poster. This lady is unhappy at heart and
targets weaker people to take out her frustration at life.

She has verbally lashed out at our CPA a number of times such that the CPA (a very nice lady) called me up and told me to fire her.

Recently I've had the verbal abuse (like the CPA) and we will most likely be terminating this woman at some point.
It is tough to walk on eggshells at work.

These people are toxic and have deep seated issues.

My goodness! Why have you not fired yet? Are you fearful of retaliation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've known two women like this in my life. Both have worked for us. One is mid 40's. She is strikingly beautiful and has a "hot figure". She is single.

The one working for us has a high school degree. I think she has deep seated anger that she is not married do a big income male. She is divorced. The longer she works for us I realize how undeducated she really is. Since she does not have the education to get ahead she puts others down in the workplace and fakes problems with others at the workplace to make her self advance. It is really twisted.

She worked at the DHS&MV office on a prior job. She started dating her boss who was married with children. The affair blew up. Her boss stayed with the wife and children. She filed a 2-1/2 million sexual harrassment lawsuit with the STate of Maryland. Since she is working with us I don't think the lawsuit went anywhere.

We had an older gent/client stop by the office. He was fit, attractive and dressed like he was in a Ralph Lauren ad. She wanted the gent's name as she wanted to date the gent. The guy was happily married to a teacher.
She backed down but in her world if a guy is happily married it is okay to still target the guy for dating.

I agree with prior poster. This lady is unhappy at heart and
targets weaker people to take out her frustration at life.

She has verbally lashed out at our CPA a number of times such that the CPA (a very nice lady) called me up and told me to fire her.

Recently I've had the verbal abuse (like the CPA) and we will most likely be terminating this woman at some point.
It is tough to walk on eggshells at work.

These people are toxic and have deep seated issues.

With some of these people it's not even about the guy. It can be a (very one-sided) competition with the woman the guy is married to. In the damaged person's mind they are somehow "winning" or "better than" the spouse of the person they are pursuing. It's the "I must be amazing if he's willing to risk losing her to cheat with me." You summed it up perfectly with the word "twisted."

+1 They are jealous of the woman and this is the way to stick it to her. They need to do this for some sick self-esteem. They don't want another woman to be happy.

[Anonymous]

They don't see others are real people. Other people are simply cut outs in their own story, like place holders or a part of their own narrative, so they have no empathy to stop them from hurting others. Most normal people have some level of empathy. They have none.

I've had close and disastrous relationships with people like this. It's very scary when you realize that explaining the damage to them means nothing, and even scarier when others give you advice like, "Tell them how you feel. I'm sure they must not understand the effect their behavior is having." These people look like humans on the outside, but they are dead to others on the inside.

It's amazing how much damage these people leave in their wakes (if you can get them to move on...).

[Anonymous]

Don't try to figure this person out. Just stay away from them. They are negative energy.

Sometimes when I read here I think the same thing. I've seen innocent posts turn vicious when if one disagrees with what they think. It's easy to scroll on yet they can't. Beating someone down verbally seems to be what they want to do. Why ? Don't know. Does it make them feel good ? Do they laugh and think ha, look at me look at me. I'm so smart and vile. I showed them who's alpha.

Life is much better when you're heart centered. You help not hurt. You love not hate. You lift not hold down.

The mean people show their true selves. I don't want to be like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don't see others are real people. Other people are simply cut outs in their own story, like place holders or a part of their own narrative, so they have no empathy to stop them from hurting others. Most normal people have some level of empathy. They have none.

I've had close and disastrous relationships with people like this. It's very scary when you realize that explaining the damage to them means nothing, and even scarier when others give you advice like, "Tell them how you feel. I'm sure they must not understand the effect their behavior is having." These people look like humans on the outside, but they are dead to others on the inside.

It's amazing how much damage these people leave in their wakes (if you can get them to move on...).

Omg. Yes. The OW was like this. She couldn’t fathom her role in ruining 2 marriages. 50% responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't try to figure this person out. Just stay away from them. They are negative energy.

Sometimes when I read here I think the same thing. I've seen innocent posts turn vicious when if one disagrees with what they think. It's easy to scroll on yet they can't. Beating someone down verbally seems to be what they want to do. Why ? Don't know. Does it make them feel good ? Do they laugh and think ha, look at me look at me. I'm so smart and vile. I showed them who's alpha.

Life is much better when you're heart centered. You help not hurt. You love not hate. You lift not hold down.

The mean people show their true selves. I don't want to be like them.

I do all of those things here but I'm not remotely like the people OP and others on this thread have described.