DH claims memory problems

[Anonymous]

We are in our 30s, and DH’s excuse for many things is that he forgot. It can literally be 5 minutes after I ask him to do something (hey can you take xyz upstairs/downstairs and he will walk right past it). It feels somehow really disrespectful - like he can remember to do things if they’re important to him. I can’t imagine how he’s holding down his job if he is this forgetful when coworkers ask him to do things. Example: yesterday, I asked him to empty our bathroom trashcan since his disposable contact things were littering the floor around the can and I don’t have easy access during the day as he works out of our room. He said he would. Not only did he forget, but he took 2 out of 4 lightbulbs out of the bathroom lights to use in a lamp for a work zoom and still hasn’t replaced them, through I asked last night and again this morning. I reminded him about the trash & lightbulbs right before he showered, yet neither were taken care of when I went in to shower (resulting in me feeling like I was in a cave). Is there a secret to not getting frustrated about this?

[Anonymous]

There could be mold in your house. That causes memory issues like that. You're inside all day for 3 months. If it's going to show up, now is the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in our 30s, and DH’s excuse for many things is that he forgot. It can literally be 5 minutes after I ask him to do something (hey can you take xyz upstairs/downstairs and he will walk right past it). It feels somehow really disrespectful - like he can remember to do things if they’re important to him. I can’t imagine how he’s holding down his job if he is this forgetful when coworkers ask him to do things. Example: yesterday, I asked him to empty our bathroom trashcan since his disposable contact things were littering the floor around the can and I don’t have easy access during the day as he works out of our room. He said he would. Not only did he forget, but he took 2 out of 4 lightbulbs out of the bathroom lights to use in a lamp for a work zoom and still hasn’t replaced them, through I asked last night and again this morning. I reminded him about the trash & lightbulbs right before he showered, yet neither were taken care of when I went in to shower (resulting in me feeling like I was in a cave). Is there a secret to not getting frustrated about this?

The secret is to take out the trash and change the lightbulbs youself because you want it done. If you care more about getting your spouse to do something than you care about the task itself, you are doomed to a life of anger and resentment. Your spouse, however, will probably not notice.

[Anonymous]

These are the kind of things I would forget, and it’s totally not on purpose. I can pour out boiling water for a cup of tea and forget I need to take the tea bag out two minutes later. Unless I go immediately from being told to do something to doing it, you’ve got a 50/50 shot at best. Lots of family members with ADD so I’ve often wondered if I, as a female, fell through the cracks on that count.

[Anonymous]

ADHD. Classic symptom.

[Anonymous]

DW here. I forget this kind of stuff, too. Diagnosed ADD inattentive, but unmedicated because of other medical issues. My advice is to read "ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life" and try to structure your home systems that way. Trying to structure them in a way that's perfectly reasonable for a non-ADD brain doesn't work for congenitally flaky people like us.

Sorry on behalf of my people. I know it's super super annoying. It really is not personal, though.

[Anonymous]

he can remember to do things if they’re important to him

You disagree on what's important
- and perhaps YOU need to make fewer things important

[Anonymous]

P.S. I can remember stuff "if it's important" -- i.e. if it's highly emotionally charged. Then it will remain at the top of my brain. Unfortunately, the only way to make something that emotionally charged is to have a huge fight about it. That's why I'm telling you to focus on structuring cues -- place something in front of the door/stairs, move the trash can to the middle of the room.. he'll think "why is it here? oh, I'm supposed to empty it!"

Sorry again. I know you probably feel like you shouldn't have to do that. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Steve Martin “I Forgot” skit from 1978 SNL

You.. can be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes! You can be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes! You say.. “Steve.. how can I be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes?” First.. get a million dollars. Now.. you say, “Steve.. what do I say to the tax man when he comes to my door and says, ‘You.. have never paid taxes’?” Two simple words. Two simple words in the English language: “I forgot!” How many times do we let ourselves get into terrible situations because we don’t say “I forgot”? Let’s say you’re on trial for armed robbery. You say to the judge, “I forgot armed robbery was illegal.” Let’s suppose he says back to you, “You have committed a foul crime. you have stolen hundreds and thousands of dollars from people at random, and you say, ‘I forgot’?” Two simple words: Excuuuuuse me!!“

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's on drugs.

[Anonymous]

Classic, classic ADHD- inattentive symptoms. I'm a DW with this and I do the same exact thing. If DH got mad every time I forgot something, we'd be divorced. He realizes that it's not me being willful or spiteful or disrespectful, it's literally the way my brain is wired.

He's just learned how to work with my brain instead of against it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD. Classic symptom.

Classic guy excuse.

[Anonymous]

Great stuff on here

https://www.youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD/featured

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ADHD. Classic symptom.

Classic guy excuse.

Not always an excuse. Not exclusively a guy thing.

[Anonymous]

I gave ADHD and I do all that.

But it’s almost comical my H gets frustrated since I do 90% of everything in the house.