I’m unsure if my SO will be a good parent

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my SO for about 2 years now and I’m really in love with her, however, I’m unsure if she’ll be a good parent. We both want kids and honestly, I can’t wait to be a dad but I’m just unsure if she’ll be a good mom. So now what?

[Anonymous]

More details needed. There are no perfect parents. There are many ways to be a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More details needed. There are no perfect parents. There are many ways to be a good one.

If your gut is saying that they may not be a good parent then you shouldn’t have kids with this person. That’s too big of a risk. I don’t think details are necessary at this point.

[Anonymous]

DCUM won't admit it , but the truth is it's pretty much a crapshoot. You can pick someone who checks all the boxes on the DCUM checklist , but they still turn out to be a terrible parent.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think she wouldn’t be a good parent? Is it because of her personality, her career, her own upbringing and/or family of origin, health issues? I think more information is needed to say for sure but generally agree w pp, if you feel that she wouldn’t be a good parent then you probably should trust that feeling and not have kids w her.

[Anonymous]

You can wait to be a dad. You probably should wait a very long time to be a dad, until you stop looking for someone to be your built in babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Will you be a good dad? What is your definition of a good parent?

If you're viewing it through the lens of she needs to be exactly like my mommy, then you should not have children with her and you should extract yourself from your mother's uterus before becoming anyone's father.

[Anonymous]

Generally speaking, when men say this, they want someone who is fairly conservative, not too opinionated, super bubbly, and wants to be a SAHM. In short someone who will continue their own childhood.

[Anonymous]

I think it speaks highly of you that you take this into consideration. There's reason you have doubts and it's refreshing to hear someone say it out loud - and it not be too late.

Time for self-eval first - check yourself and why you have doubts. Is she careless/thoughtless/selfish/inpatient? Is she dismissive of children/messy/anxious? If you want feedback you have to give some. But yes - you need to explore before you think about marrying or having children.

[Anonymous]

Unless you can provide some reasons why she might not be a good parent it’s hard to offer advice. When she is around young children does she embrace them and play with them or would she prefer to be in a separate room? That would be a big clue!

[Anonymous]

To be fair OP, who says you are going to be a GOOD parent? Parenting is a on-the-job learning. We learn as we go. Don't be so critical or judgmental on your SO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair OP, who says you are going to be a GOOD parent? Parenting is a on-the-job learning. We learn as we go. Don't be so critical or judgmental on your SO.

Not OP, but to be real fair - this board often asks the question "didn't you know that before you married?". It's not critical or judgmental of SO as much as it is critical thinking skills in action. Evaluating a potential spouse and "judging" them is part of the process of choosing a life long partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you can provide some reasons why she might not be a good parent it’s hard to offer advice. When she is around young children does she embrace them and play with them or would she prefer to be in a separate room? That would be a big clue!

Not really. I pretty much can't stand other children but love my own to pieces. There are also those that love to dote on and play with other people's kids, but absolutely the 95% of the stuff parenting is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair OP, who says you are going to be a GOOD parent? Parenting is a on-the-job learning. We learn as we go. Don't be so critical or judgmental on your SO.

Not OP, but to be real fair - this board often asks the question "didn't you know that before you married?". It's not critical or judgmental of SO as much as it is critical thinking skills in action. Evaluating a potential spouse and "judging" them is part of the process of choosing a life long partner.

DCUM loves to talks itself in circles. " You should have known that!" followed by " you're being too picky, no one is perfect."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you can provide some reasons why she might not be a good parent it’s hard to offer advice. When she is around young children does she embrace them and play with them or would she prefer to be in a separate room? That would be a big clue!

How many women marry a guy because he was "so good with kids, plays with them will make a great dad !!!" , but then get married and complain about all he does "play with the kids, acts like a big brother or uncle and not a dad, just a 4th child etc."