Feeling so lonely and overwhelmed
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Anonymous
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The relationship with my DH is the same as it always has been. He’s always had a lot more friends and family than I do. He’s always out doing something with his friends/family when he’s not working. I always used to visit my mom and invite her places with my children and I. Unfortunately, my mom has always had a drinking problem but it she went completely downhill and I had to cut off contact with her for the sake of my kids. Now, I’m stuck in the house (SAHM) and have no real friends or family to call and talk to ir visit. I’m kind of going crazy. I feel very lonely. I feel bad because DH tries to come home more than usual to help me with the kids or to spend time with me and it makes me feel like a burden. I always want to vent to him but I don’t want to be a downer either. Plus, he doesn’t understand my loneliness or stress. I’m not the most social person, so making friends isn’t easy for me.
Anyone else going through anything like this? Any advice? |
Anonymous
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First of all, especially if you have kids, your DH SHOULD be spending most of his free time with you and the kids. That’s not something to feel guilty about, that’s just being a parent.
Also, there’s a pandemic. Neither one of you should be out and about seeing a bunch of different friends and family. AFTER the pandemic, you need to join sone moms groups or neighborhood Playgroup’s just so you get out and meet more people. |
Anonymous
| Yes, your husband should be with you and the kids most of the time. And, when he sees family and whatnot, why can’t you and the kids come along? Of course he needs friend time, but mostly he should be with his family. |
Anonymous
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In your circumstances I think I would be feeling the same but I think there is some misunderstanding here about marriage and there seems to be something important missing here. First of all. When you marry, your family becomes his and his family becomes yours. So when you visit, you all visit your family everyone goes most of the time or at least that is my understanding. Maybe DH doesn’t have this picture.
Not sure exactly how the marriage took place but there is usually a ceremony which sort of puts all that in place. But maybe there needs to be some clarification and understanding about this. Don’t personally know of any good resources but I have two suggestions. One is to read the book Ready to Wed, even though it is after the fact it is an eye opener for marriage relationships. Second, here is a number-855 382 5433- you can call that also might have resources as well as names of counselors, should you feel this might help. I personally think it might. Next point, I think you may need to learn to be a family. You seem to be missing out on the blessings of the family relationship. Your children need this. Your husband also may be having difficulty changing his picture of self from single to married with children. He might need some help in this and your family will be the beneficiary. There are good things ahead if both of you can get on the same page. I am praying for you to discover and live out the fullness of the blessing of marriage and family. You all deserve this. God bless you. |
Anonymous
| This makes no sense...why can’t you do things with him and his friends and family? Doesn’t he realize that you and the kids are his family that he should spend most of his time with? |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I very much agree with many of the previous suggestions -- but am questioning the take that a PP has re: DH. OP seems very isolated, has no friends, and her primary social contact used to be with her mother. Why assume that it's "DH(that) doesn't have this picture"? It's just as likely that OP has held back from involving herself -- and possibly their children --from their extended family.
OP, I would encourage you to identify two or three people that you can reach out to for social interactions. Start small, and within your own comfort level. Are there people that you could text, email, facetime, or call a few times a week? This could not only form a basis for deeper relationships, it could begin to establish a rhythm of social contacts and connections for you and perhaps even give you something to look forward to. Because of stay-at-home habits, it might be fairly easy to connect this way at a time when many others are also connecting this way vs. face to face interactions. I have friends that send pictures of what their kids are doing, or recipes and pictures of what they're cooking, or reminders re: free movies.... It's not about the information as much as it is making consistent efforts on all sides. These could be people in your extended family -- including your husband's siblings or other relatives; people that you've connected with through your kids or a common interest; or even people that you share interests with that you don't know all that well yet. You might also think about cultivating cordial relationships with neighbors. If you shop, maybe ask a neighbor if they need something or bring back goodies or essentials to share. I realize these steps might not be easy for you OP, but they might become rewarding. OP I hope that posting here is a way to get support -- and help you feel at least a tiny bit less isolated. |
Anonymous
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How often is your DH going out with friends??
Sounds like he’s ditching you a lot? Or are you refusing to come? You all sound like you’re on separate ships, and that’s not the expectation of marriage. You need to be on the same ship. Making friends is impossible now, during covid, but afterward, put your shyness aside and make a bunch of friends. Through your kids’ school. It will SAVE you. |
Anonymous
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Get on an antidepressant. Consider CBT therapy. You can do this remotely.
You seem to have low self esteem and don’t consider yourself worthy. You are. |
Anonymous
+1 Wonder if you picked up dysfunctional habits, from being raised by an addict. I agree that therapy may help you. Or Al Anon. Improving your mindset and life balance will certainly help your kids, since you are their primary role model. You want them to see a mom with a strong sense of self, friends, interests. That is not meant to put you down, just trying to help you realize that helping yourself helps the whole family. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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You sound like a careful, thoughtful person who is trying her best to be a mom, wife, daughter.
Hugs sweetie, hugs. Parenting is lonely at times (or a lot?). I feel for you and your loneliness. Please expect and ask for more from your husband— to your comfort level. Your his wife, his friend, his partner. He could be a huge support to you. Just get used to receiving more. Please get therapy— it’s fun! They really help you work through these sticky feelings. You’ll come up with baby steps together to feeling more fulfilled. PleaSe consider part time work (or full time even) depending on your children’s ages. The kids will be ok if you go to work. You will too. Hire a nanny even if it’s a little financial stretch. It’s not forever. I know SAHM can nearly kill a woman (it was dragging me down so hard to fulfill this role so I did a course correction and my children are very happy; I’m still super engaged with them). Feel free to reach out if you want to email or text. Userg5002@gmail.com Good luck sweetie |
Anonymous
| ^ *you’re |