Fixing my kid's rat's nest

[Anonymous]

It has come to my attention that my 12-year old's hair has turned into a huge tangled mess. I was not aware because she's been putting it in a bun since lockdown and she's old enough that I'm not involved in her daily bathing habits (clearly I need to be more involved).

Any suggestions on how to tackle it? It is really, really bad. My husband and I have been working on it for an hour now with olive oil and I'm not sure we've made any progress.

[Anonymous]

Put lots of conditioner on and let sit for and hour. Start at the ends with a wide tooth comb. Work your way up. Then work with a smaller comb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put lots of conditioner on and let sit for and hour. Start at the ends with a wide tooth comb. Work your way up. Then work with a smaller comb.

Yes. Conditioner and a wide tooth comb, start at the bottom.

[Anonymous]

Get it wet, add in Kinky Curly leave-in conditioner. Comb. Rinse out. It is magical

[Anonymous]

I find coconut oil works better than conditioning. Plan on spending a couple of hours on it.

[Anonymous]

Haircut. At 12, she should be totally responsible for her own hair. Why should you have to solve her dilemma for her? A haircut is a natural consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haircut. At 12, she should be totally responsible for her own hair. Why should you have to solve her dilemma for her? A haircut is a natural consequence.

+1. Absolute ridiculous unless your child has special needs.

[Anonymous]

Wet it. Towel dry. Apply conditioner and oil to every strand. Cover with a shower cap or plastic bag for an hour. Detangling or wide tooth comb from the bottom in very small sections. If you get to a knot you can't comb out add more conditioner and separate the knot with your fingers.

[Anonymous]

Cut.it.off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haircut. At 12, she should be totally responsible for her own hair. Why should you have to solve her dilemma for her? A haircut is a natural consequence.

+1. Absolute ridiculous unless your child has special needs.

NP. No need to be so rude, PPs. This is how kids learn. Sounds like this is the first time this has happened with OP's daughter. If it were a repeat problem, yeah, I'd cut it, but doing that this first time seems purely punitive. No need for that. She's 12, and at that age is responsible for her own self-care but that doesn't mean she's got it all down perfectly or could anticipate that daily buns would tangle her hair so badly.

OP, wide tooth comb and Kinky Curly or if you don't have that, the heaviest conditioner you have at hand. Let her sit and watch something fun on TV while you work on it. I wouldn't make her feel bad about it -- she's probably embarrassed as it is. I've been there with my own DD. Just tell her that going forward she needs to condition more and maybe you and she can work on her technique for putting up her bun because that is part of the problem, I think.

Order her a leave-in conditioner that she puts into her hair and combs through every day. Leave-in conditioners work much better than rinse-out ones for my teen DD with very thick, very wavy long hair. We know from experience that doing buns every day can be very tough on hair, too. Maybe encourage her to trim it or cut it if she wants but not as some kind of forced punishment. If she wants to keep it long, have her explore other ways to keep it off her face like soft headbands, clips, etc.

[Anonymous]

At Target, "kinky curly knot today" is hands-down the *best* detangled we've used. Wash hair, put in the detangler, and brush with a "wet brush". You can rinse it or leave it in. We use it on fine hair and thick hair; great results on both.

[Anonymous]

Wow - flashback. I did this exact same thing about the exact same age - right down to the bun. Just got lazy, and then it snowballed. It took my mom and I days to get it all untangled. We tried everything - wet, dry, different combs, different sprays and conditioners. It took hours. What an unpleasant experience.

When it was finally done, mom took me right to the hairdressers, and I got a shortish hair cut "until you can prove you can take care of it."

A very memorable learning experience. I'm now a responsible adult with long hair that I brush every day

I know it's frustrating! But it'll all work out.

[Anonymous]

Ha...my 12 year old does this - we joke she should have dreadlocks. Find a good conditioner...our fav is earth science olive and avocado hair mask which is really my deep conditioner. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0017QSTDQ/ref=dp_prsubs_2

Nexxus humectress works well as does Whole Foods 365 Lavender conditioner. Don't use anything that's for oily hair or has tea tree oil - useless!

I put up with my daughter's because my mother cut mine all off and I hated it. She can do it herself now so that's an improvement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - flashback. I did this exact same thing about the exact same age - right down to the bun. Just got lazy, and then it snowballed. It took my mom and I days to get it all untangled. We tried everything - wet, dry, different combs, different sprays and conditioners. It took hours. What an unpleasant experience.

When it was finally done, mom took me right to the hairdressers, and I got a shortish hair cut "until you can prove you can take care of it."

A very memorable learning experience. I'm now a responsible adult with long hair that I brush every day

I know it's frustrating! But it'll all work out.

So you did all the work to get it untangles and THEN you cut it anyway? I want to cut it because I don't want to deal with the untangling part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haircut. At 12, she should be totally responsible for her own hair. Why should you have to solve her dilemma for her? A haircut is a natural consequence.

+1. Absolute ridiculous unless your child has special needs.

You guys are so harsh! I think the knot and the detangling process are a fine natural consequence. I'm sure no one is having fun. Especially because the olive oil was unwise. Conditioner is the answer.

Cutting off all the hair is just vindictive.