Am I wrong to ask DH to accompany me on walks?
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Anonymous
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DH and I got into a fight because I asked him to accompany me on a walk. I feel lonely and disconnected from him because he does not spend any time with me. I wake up earlier than him, he wakes up at 2 pm gets coffee and promptly starts working on starting his business. After work, we have dinner together and then he will go work on his scale modeling or play video games. I go to bed earlier than him as well. The only time we have to connect is when we go for a walk. Whenever I ask him, it sounds like an inconvenience or a bad time. He told me, "you either ask me when I am in the middle of something, or when it is cocktail hour, or when I am working on something else. It is very inconsiderate!"
I didn't know what to say. I am stone walling him now and crying in the bedroom. He is downstairs drinking and watching TV. |
Anonymous
| Troll score- 2 |
Anonymous
| Maybe he doesn’t like walks and would be happy to do something else with you. |
Anonymous
| He wakes up at 2 pm? |
Anonymous
| If he gets up at 2, when is cocktail hour? 1962? |
Anonymous
No it is not inconsiderate of you! We go on walks as well and while we do coordinate briefly beforehand, it doesn't look like that. He might tell me sometimes he needs 30 minutes to wrap things up, or just let him grab a snack first, or whatever. Sometimes I'm truly on a tight schedule and can't wait so we'll just make plans for the next day instead. I'd be shocked if he got upset like that though. I say this with 100% care and as gently as I can, because I have so been there and it's so painful. He doesn't want to be around you. Has it been like this for awhile? |
Anonymous
OP here. Yep. He doesn't really want to be around me or engage with me :\. |
Anonymous
You need to do a 180. Don’t engage with him beyond brief polite pleasantries and neutral dinner conversation if you eat together. Other than that, make your own plans with friends or by yourself and don’t bother to include him. You are begging and it makes you even more unattractive. Either the 180 will give him the space to decide on his own if he wants to spend time with you or it will prepare you for divorce by building your social network. I’m sure you are a fine person; it’s not your fault he is behaving like a jerk, but it’s also not something you can fix. |
Anonymous
| I think that when he’s not working you should discuss a compromise. Like ideally you would walk together every day I assume. But can he commit to 2 days mid week and one weekend day? The other days you walk by yourself and don’t resent him for it. |
Anonymous
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No OP, you are not wrong to ask your spouse to accompany you on an outdoor walk.
Something is definitely off in your marriage & it appears there is a lot more at play here than a short walk. You + him need to discuss why you feel that he is no longer interested in spending quality time together as a couple. 💔💔 So sorry and good luck to the both of you. |
Anonymous
| If the issue is timing, can u schedule it in advance? |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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I don't think he's wrong for turning down a walk.
But he should be making time to spend with you and engage with you. Can you two reach a compromise on the schedule? If you try to meet more in the middle vs "do stuff on my schedule" you may make more progress. |
Anonymous
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Yeah I agree with the poster who said that you need to self-entertain and stop being needy of his attention for a bit. It isn't fair, but pleading with him to join you will just make it a punishment for him. You don't deserve that.
Its also possible that he is going nuts without personal time during quarantine. Or worse. |
Anonymous
| We don’t walk together because I walk too fast. We won’t bike together because I ride too slow. But we do spend a decent amount of quality time together and we always go to bed together. |