Thoughts on Seeing My Parents

[Anonymous]

My parents live in NJ with my brother. They are in their 60s and my dad has diabetes and former heart disease. We have not seen them at all since February and we all really, really miss them. I have been wondering whether there is any way we could visit. Could we drive and see them if we stay in the backyard for a meal? Would it be at all safe to sleep in their unfinished basement? There is no bathroom down there so we would have to use the bathroom on the main floor. We have a 4 adn 6 year old, and have a nanny working for us. We go to the grocery store once a week and they do as well.

I think the answer to this is no, we cannot see my parents. But curious if people have other thoughts.

[Anonymous]

My husband's elderly parents live in PA. He visited them recently for a quick outdoor, socially-distanced meal. He decided not to stay over because it's just not worth the risk, but he thought an outdoor visit was likely OK.

If my parents lived within driving distance, I'd visit them and stay outside and 6-plus feet away.

[Anonymous]

Meh--I totally get it. Since this is an anonymous forum I'll post what I did even though I've kept it pretty secret from others to avoid the shaming. We had our parents come and visit. They really really wanted to. We all knew the risks (they are elderly and like most people not in perfect health). But we also knew the benefits (my dad is deeply struggling with depression and was worried that he may never see the grandkids again which could be true). It was wonderful. Luckily no one got sick. We didn't take any precautions when we were together. We'd all been pretty strict other than grocery runs with social distancing up until that point. My 3yo son was so unbelievably happy when he saw them that literally it brings tears to my eyes typing this.

Call us all selfish, but honestly, I think until testing gets so much better that you can get a test whenever you want, people are going to be faced with tricky decisions like this. Especially because there is no real end in sight anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

My parents are local and I saw them outdoors, with masks on a couple weeks into this and it was fine. Last weekend we tried this with our kids (same age as yours plus a toddler) and it was harder, because my parents kept trying to bring out toys for the kids but I wanted to avoid everyone touching the same things. So I say, do it, but make sure can all come to a mutual understanding of how it will work ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

I've been staying with my mother off and on since this started (out of state). She is in her 80s. My father was in a nursing home and we were not able to see him - and he passed away last week. So my mother needs us here. It is what it is and so far no one has gotten sick with covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh--I totally get it. Since this is an anonymous forum I'll post what I did even though I've kept it pretty secret from others to avoid the shaming. We had our parents come and visit. They really really wanted to. We all knew the risks (they are elderly and like most people not in perfect health). But we also knew the benefits (my dad is deeply struggling with depression and was worried that he may never see the grandkids again which could be true). It was wonderful. Luckily no one got sick. We didn't take any precautions when we were together. We'd all been pretty strict other than grocery runs with social distancing up until that point. My 3yo son was so unbelievably happy when he saw them that literally it brings tears to my eyes typing this.

Call us all selfish, but honestly, I think until testing gets so much better that you can get a test whenever you want, people are going to be faced with tricky decisions like this. Especially because there is no real end in sight anytime soon.

Not shaming you but note you used the word luckily. And no one has gotten sick yet. I hope it remains that way as there are many asymptomatic carriers out there. Glad I didn't have to make the decision you did. I don't think it was selfish. Selfish is beach week.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Stay 6' away preferable outdoors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh--I totally get it. Since this is an anonymous forum I'll post what I did even though I've kept it pretty secret from others to avoid the shaming. We had our parents come and visit. They really really wanted to. We all knew the risks (they are elderly and like most people not in perfect health). But we also knew the benefits (my dad is deeply struggling with depression and was worried that he may never see the grandkids again which could be true). It was wonderful. Luckily no one got sick. We didn't take any precautions when we were together. We'd all been pretty strict other than grocery runs with social distancing up until that point. My 3yo son was so unbelievably happy when he saw them that literally it brings tears to my eyes typing this.

Call us all selfish, but honestly, I think until testing gets so much better that you can get a test whenever you want, people are going to be faced with tricky decisions like this. Especially because there is no real end in sight anytime soon.

Not shaming you but note you used the word luckily. And no one has gotten sick yet. I hope it remains that way as there are many asymptomatic carriers out there. Glad I didn't have to make the decision you did. I don't think it was selfish. Selfish is beach week.

This is so hard. My parents with several risk factors are 8 hours and two flights away and we live in a hotspot. I'm worried one or both aren't going to make it through this, but don't know how to deal with flights, quarantining for at least few days, work, and no one getting sick in the process in order to see them. I'm really worried that they'll get sick regardless, and how to care for them given I have two underlying conditions, hence, me going nowhere this whole time. I hate the stress of this, and the guilt I feel when they are so sad on the phone.

Anyway, glad you found a way to see your parents. I know that it helped your dad a lot.

[Anonymous]

We self-isolated for two weeks and then went to stay with my parents. We went back up after a month and repeated the process and now we are back down here again.

They live in a rural area and they only go to the grocery store once a week during senior hour. All their other social outlets have stopped due to this mess of a pandemic. Their help with DD is INVALUABLE and being together is the only good part of this very hard time (and we are lucky).

There is a minimal risk of someone being an asymptomatic carrier but we were all comfortable with it and they are in good health, which helps. Their going to the grocery store once a week during senior is less risky than us doing it in D.C.

I think more and more people are going to do this as the pandemic, at least in the U.S., drags on. This is not the political board, but I am very, very despondent about the state of our country. This haphazard reopening is not good, second wave or not. When daycares start shuttering and schools either don't open or open on an abbreviated schedule . . . I don't know.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is the risk if you visit outside, stay 6’ feet apart, and wear masks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Stay 6' away preferable outdoors.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh--I totally get it. Since this is an anonymous forum I'll post what I did even though I've kept it pretty secret from others to avoid the shaming. We had our parents come and visit. They really really wanted to. We all knew the risks (they are elderly and like most people not in perfect health). But we also knew the benefits (my dad is deeply struggling with depression and was worried that he may never see the grandkids again which could be true). It was wonderful. Luckily no one got sick. We didn't take any precautions when we were together. We'd all been pretty strict other than grocery runs with social distancing up until that point. My 3yo son was so unbelievably happy when he saw them that literally it brings tears to my eyes typing this.

Call us all selfish, but honestly, I think until testing gets so much better that you can get a test whenever you want, people are going to be faced with tricky decisions like this. Especially because there is no real end in sight anytime soon.

100% agree with you and fully support this. My inlaws are local and we've done several deck visits and social distancing walks. Its amazing the emotional good it does everyone.

The only way we are going to make it through the next 12-18 months (IMO) is to take some carefully calculated risks.

[Anonymous]

I would not risk it. Our family is staying home through Labor Day. We will not travel for the rest of this year.

[Anonymous]

My parents are in their late 60's and live nearby. They are both active and in very good health and like the rest of us have been homebound for over two months and social distancing and using masks just like us. They take their temperature every morning and just before they visit us. My young children adore them and after two months of not seeing them my husband (a doctor) and I agreed that as long as both households are isolating we can visit each other. My children are now much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are in their late 60's and live nearby. They are both active and in very good health and like the rest of us have been homebound for over two months and social distancing and using masks just like us. They take their temperature every morning and just before they visit us. My young children adore them and after two months of not seeing them my husband (a doctor) and I agreed that as long as both households are isolating we can visit each other. My children are now much happier.

+1 I wouldn't be hopping on a plane to visit parents with health problems but if my parents lived nearby, were in good health and practicing the right behaviors we'd be visiting. Life is full of risks so you just need to be smart about it. I'm a proponent of social distancing and wearing masks but I can't be a prisoner for another year.