Is there a name for this kind of behavior?
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Anonymous
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My husband can never be wrong about anything it seems. Example: I was giving the dogs their heartworm meds yesterday. There are two dogs, one larger, one smaller, therefore two different doses of Heartgard. The meds come in a meaty chew and one is definitely smaller than the other. My husband kept insisting they were the same size, where they clearly physically were not. They were right in front of him! I was trying to say "look they are two different sizes" and he started talking over me repeating over and over again, "they are the same size they are the same size they are the same size". I finally raised my voice to be heard at which point he was all "stop getting angry, you always get angry".
Today I asked him why he did that and he said "I was wrong, they were different sizes, and I'm sorry". I said 'that's fine, but what do you think a normal response would be if someone did that to you'. He admitted he'd get angry but said "I'm not going to listen to you when you get angry". I said "Then I guess the proper response is going to be for me to stop talking and walk out of the room". Now that's fine in a situation like above, I can leave, but it's not always that simple - sometimes what I'm telling him is much more important than a dose of heartworm medication. This dynamic has occurred when the kids were little and they were sick, when there are financial issues, etc. He would say he wants to make shared decisions but my opinion or even the information I've gathered (such as from a doctor's appointment) seem to be worthless to him. The kids are now grown and I'm wondering if this is enough to leave him over. I feel like a bitchy shrew all the time. I don't want to be that person and am not with my friends, male and female. |
Anonymous
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It’s gaslighting. If it’s been ongoing all throughout your marriage, he may have a personality disorder.
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Anonymous
| OP, this speaks to me. My DH does this all.the.time. I had an abusive childhood so I wonder how much I put up with bc I don’t know any better. |
Anonymous
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My husband does a version of this, which is to utter some type of threat in a nasty tone whenever he doesn't get his way. Just this morning I was asking for his help in measuring the windows for window treatments, and he insisted we should do it in millimeters. When I said calmly it was easier in inches and fractions of inches, he had a little tantrum and declared he wasn't going to help me after all. IT'S SO UNATTRACTIVE. |
Anonymous
| Wow, the drape measurement thing is NUTS! I sew drapes as a side gig and would have to locate the calculator for conversion. |
Anonymous
Locate the calculator? Are you posting from your Commodore 64? |
Anonymous
| It's awful. Yes, it's plenty to leave over. I could not stand that. |
Anonymous
The conversion ratio |
Anonymous
| Yes it’s awful and yes leave! It’s contempt and it’s childishness. My divorce was hell because I had to divorce a contempt filled child but coming out the other side is beautiful. I had no idea the toll of the constant gaslighting and undermining. You can do it |
Anonymous
OP here. I sew too. Not helpful. Get off the thread |
Anonymous
People, please don't take posts like this personally. We don't know each other- IT'S NOT PERSONAL. These snarky and (many times) clever comments are hilarious. I cracked up when I read that comment and didn't think a thing about the PP who said s/he would have to use conversion. You will enjoy DCUM a lot more if you can look past these comments if you don't like them. I will admit there are incredibly bitchy posts out there that have no value whatsoever. Almost all of the time the people on the thread will descend upon them and make them wish they never clicked on the subject. We take care of each other. For the love.. would some of you please lighten up? Or even better come back with something even better. Flame away, lol. |
Anonymous
OP here. One thing I can't stand is people who troll posts to insult other people. Most likely, it's someone in their teens and 20s, or someone with a personality disorder who gets a kick out of it. It's bad behavior and people should indeed be called out for it. |
Anonymous
My blood pressure is becoming an issue now. Between this and my elderly folks, I'm melting down. The older dog has bladder cancer and the simplest conversations are not simple. It's always about him being right, me wrong, and 'but I need your help'. What he needs is a chauffeur for the dog to the vet, but then doesn't believe the information I get from the vet. It's at the point now that I find I can't keep my thoughts straight around him because he seems to challenge every word, then say "I don't understand what you are saying - you are not putting a coherent sentence together. You should get that checked out'. It's fear, pure and simple. Yup. It's about time to blow this popstand. |
Anonymous
That comment represents a troll or a personality disorder? GET A LIFE and toughen up, you big baby! |
Anonymous
| OP I admit I laughed at the “Commodore 64“ poster, but I understand that none of this is funny to you. What you’re describing is really quite abusive and to be honest, if your kids are grown? Time to file. It will be OK. I understand that it will be a shock to everyone but the story that you described (him repeating they are the same size they are the same size like Rainman or something) is astonishing. You’ve probably been experiencing that kind of thing for a long time but as an outsider reading this I will tell you that that sounds absolutely intolerable. Best of luck to you, and yep,, time to blow that pop stand. |