Is there a name for this kind of behavior?

[Anonymous]

If this is the norm then yes it's best to leave.

My ex decided he was going to make all the decisions and I should not have a say. Yes he was always right and he decided to remodel our house with money we didn't have. Then decided to take a job overseas with his company. Told me after the fact and I planned my divorce from that day on. I pretended to go along, and started socking money away. Took classes that I refunded and got myself in a good position. Seems like it would have been easier for him to be a decent person, and partner. When I announced I was done he was really was shocked and didn't want to divorce. I would never say the things he said to me or treat someone that way. We had a amiable divorce and I moved on. Then I met my now husband shortly after, and oddly when I was dating my ex called and was very angry. It was so weird. Did he not expect me to date right away? He ended up getting married 10 years later to what seems like a nice woman. Unfortunately he died a few years ago so I ended up talking to her after being notified. He was still bad with money and sounds like she had a lot of debt to deal with. He had listed our retirement asset in his will and I was the beneficiary since it was from the time we were married. She was the trustee of the will and thought it was to go to her. The sad thing is if he had changed and been decent I would have stayed married. Abusers and cheaters I can't tolerate, nor should anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is the norm then yes it's best to leave.

My ex decided he was going to make all the decisions and I should not have a say. Yes he was always right and he decided to remodel our house with money we didn't have. Then decided to take a job overseas with his company. Told me after the fact and I planned my divorce from that day on. I pretended to go along, and started socking money away. Took classes that I refunded and got myself in a good position. Seems like it would have been easier for him to be a decent person, and partner. When I announced I was done he was really was shocked and didn't want to divorce. I would never say the things he said to me or treat someone that way. We had a amiable divorce and I moved on. Then I met my now husband shortly after, and oddly when I was dating my ex called and was very angry. It was so weird. Did he not expect me to date right away? He ended up getting married 10 years later to what seems like a nice
woman. Unfortunately he died a few years ago so I ended up talking to her after being notified. He was still bad with money and sounds like she had a lot of debt to deal with. He had listed our retirement asset in his will and I was the beneficiary since it was from the time we were married. She was the trustee of the will and thought it was to go to her. The sad thing is if he had changed and been decent I would have stayed married. Abusers and cheaters I can't tolerate, nor should anyone.

I think the example above is more extreme (he was spending money you did not have, he showed gross irresponsibility etc). The poster is talking about something difficult but more in line with how they communicate, listen and hear each other or how they cannot make room sometimes for both of their perspectives. It's a breakdowns in the boundary of their relationship where she feels her spouse does not make space for her and cannot hear her. Therapy is all about understanding this process. He sees it's a problem, he just sounds as if he does not yet really understand it and what is driving his behavior. She may be inadvertantly fueling it, she may not be. We cannot know the details of what goes on between the both of them. This is where therapy can help. Good luck.