How Do We Know if We Can Afford a Kid in the DMV?

[Anonymous]

So, my spouse and I are spending some of our pandemic quality time together doing some planning. We’ve set a tentative TTC date for May 2022. We think we should be in a good place in our lives by then... but how do we KNOW?

I realize a lot of the confusion/anxiety I have on this topic comes from my experience growing up with my LMC family, who were terrible at financial planning. Like, we were never in danger of being out in the streets, but I know my parents’ retirement plans are “win the lottery” (and they’re recently divorced, so that’s two lotteries). They basically never had more than a few thousand saved before some new emergency wiped everything out again. And that was living in a relatively LCOL area, with a surprisingly good public school system. But I feel like I have no standard for what fiscally responsible parenthood looks like.

We bring home about $6500 a month after taxes / health care / retirement stuff + usually another $10-$15k in EOY bonuses at Christmas (although maybe not this year! Thanks COVID). Bonuses aside, our jobs are pretty stable. We have excellent health insurance. Our work places have decent parental leave. Our only debt rn is about $450 a month in student loans (which I will be paying off for a while yet) plus $200 a month on a consolidation loan for some credit card debt my husband racked up when he was first out of college (nearly paid off!). We pay $2k a month for rent in DT SS, but we’re planning on buying a 2-3 bedroom further out next spring and hoping to get that down to closer to $1500 (which will then necessitate a car but I digress). We save about $800 a month, plus a little more when we can. On paper, it feels like it should work - I am 100% positive that there are people raising kids that are in the same boat or worse, and presumably their children are not starving or illiterate or destined for a life of crime!

And yet every time I read an article on how you should be budgeting $600 a month for diapers, I cuss myself out for shackling myself to DC instead of getting a degree in something sensible like IT and moving to Boise. I obsess over greatschools.org and wonder if I will royally screw up my child by buying someplace where they have to go to a 4/10 elementary school. And it doesn’t help that daycares do not actually give you their prices so I can’t fully satisfy my need to create obsessive budget spreadsheets. Then you add in the fact that all of the people I personally know with kids in the DC area are in a whole other tax bracket (my boss’s dad was apparently once nearly the VP of Indonesia despite being a white American???), and I start to think I’m kidding myself for thinking that we could possibly try this in 2022. Or ever.

Any tips for someone who is anxious and feeling uninformed? DC budget breakdowns for MC parents? Advice on public schools? What is it like living in Odenton/Gaithersburg/etc and commuting to DC? Do you actually pay $600 a month for diapers? Is the waiting list for the House of Reps Daycare Center still 3 years long? An aspiring mom wants to know.

[Anonymous]

What kind of diapers are $600 a month? Yes, you can afford it but the issue will be child care.

[Anonymous]

I was prepared to spend a ton of money on diapers and formula. I breastfed and bought diapers on sale with a coupon. The biggest expense turned out to be daycare. My daycare expense when my kid was an infant was the same amount as a state college education (in state) . Fortunately after age 2 it goes down. If you have a high income you cant really write off that expense although i thi k the new tax law fixed some of that.

[Anonymous]

Budget about $2k/month for daycare in this area.

[Anonymous]

A large center before COVID in DC and NOVA was 2700/mo for extended day. That’s what you need to focus on.

[Anonymous]

OMG, you are overthinking.

You just have the kid.
Things are tight for a bit and then they aren't.

[Anonymous]

Budget &2k for daycare for an infant. Drop it to about $1600 at age 2. Less if you're further out and at an in-home. 600 for diapers is nuts.
Talk to actual people about actual schools. Great schools is not as accurate as they make you believe and so much depends on your teacher anyway.

[Anonymous]

No, diapers aren't $600 a month. Did they mean $60? And that would be for brandname ones.

I don't live locally, but yes, daycare will be the biggest expense. It usually goes-most expensive is nanny, next is center care, least is home daycare.

I would not put too much stock into the greatschools ranks-as a parent of 3 twentysomthings, 2 teens and a preschooler, I have been involved with several schools and haven't found the rankings to really match reality. Anywhere that people with you and dh's income is going to live, will have decent schools.

Since you are not planning to try till 2022, two years away, I'd start saving for daycare, maybe just keep a spreadsheet of savings (not necessarily a special account). You could save up a chunk of the first few years' cost that way and that would relieve some of the stress you're feeling. Put dh's $200 payment in there (when it's done), some of the $800 and any bonuses you might get.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been married, what are your ages?
How badly do you want to be parents? I would not leave it too late. Life happens and is unpredictable. I had my first at 28, it was the right age for us. You need to grow old with your kids. Have them when you still have the energy to take them to the park, play ball with them.

You will never have enough money, kids are not the road to riches. But if you feel your life without them will be empty, then don't wait too long

[Anonymous]

every once in a while you read something well said on DCUM. Cheers to you PP

[Anonymous]

My biggest regret in life is agreeing with DH to settle in DC. It's too expensive, too intense, and full of pompous people. You're young. Take my word for it and figure out how to do it elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Lolol. 600 for diapers? Are they lined with gold?? A box of diapers at aldi is $10.

[Anonymous]

The main thing is child care. Practice putting $2500/month in savings and then once it feels normal you are ready.

[Anonymous]

Hi all OP here. Thanks for (nicely) letting me know I am being crazy, it helps! Happy to learn that whatever article I read about $600/month for diapers was either an insane typo, a Lucille Bluth moment, or possibly me reading something incorrectly. I’ll avoid gold-plated diapering, and daycare seems about on par with what I expected.

Definitely makes sense to up our savings - we’ve already been doing that on accident the last couple of months due to house arrest, but will talk with the spouse about making it a priority when we return to work as well.

We’ve been together for 4 years, married last September. We’re 27 & 28, will be 29 & 30 in 2022. The idea was that gives us enough time to have one kid and get them into elementary school before we have a second (if we decide to) since it’s unlikely we’ll be able to afford daycare for 2. Plus the two years in the interim gives us a little time to get our lives in order - less expensive housing, buy and pay off a car, save.

[Anonymous]

I think you are at an ideal age to have a kid