How Do We Know if We Can Afford a Kid in the DMV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all OP here. Thanks for (nicely) letting me know I am being crazy, it helps! Happy to learn that whatever article I read about $600/month for diapers was either an insane typo, a Lucille Bluth moment, or possibly me reading something incorrectly. I’ll avoid gold-plated diapering, and daycare seems about on par with what I expected.

Definitely makes sense to up our savings - we’ve already been doing that on accident the last couple of months due to house arrest, but will talk with the spouse about making it a priority when we return to work as well.

We’ve been together for 4 years, married last September. We’re 27 & 28, will be 29 & 30 in 2022. The idea was that gives us enough time to have one kid and get them into elementary school before we have a second (if we decide to) since it’s unlikely we’ll be able to afford daycare for 2. Plus the two years in the interim gives us a little time to get our lives in order - less expensive housing, buy and pay off a car, save.

First, you totally made my day (probably my week) with the reference to "a Lucille Bluth moment." Thank you!

Second, posts are focusing, and rightly so, on the costs of having a baby-toddler-preschooler -- diapers, day care, etc. Be aware that the years between kindergarten and college are different from kid to kid in terms of expenses and should not be forgotten, and I'm not referring to anything like private school tuition! If your child-then-tween-then-teen has activities and interests, those come with costs, some more than others. I say that NOT to scare you about costs, OP, but to note that your kids will be individuals with unique interests and you will find you want to help them pursue those interests as much as you can; and in this area, there are many opportunities (and costs) for activities. You are not required to put a kid into any activity at all! But just be aware that there will be costs in those years that you might not picture at all right now. I say this as a parent to a now-college-student who did a very extensive extracurricular over about 12 years (not a sport, a performing art) that was expensive. It was worth every penny but something we did have to account for in budgets.

Also, even more importantly -- start thinking now about saving for college. It may seem too soon but please don't wait until they're in middle or even elementary school. Start 529 accounts or other interest-bearing college savings when they're born. Some will say that's too early but we found it was not. Even a little bit set aside out of paychecks from the start will add up and allow you to tell your kids they have more choices when they start looking at where they can go to college. It really is a gift to be able to tell your child that a college that is a good fit for them is also one they can say yes to because you have saved enough to make it realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, you are overthinking.

You just have the kid.
Things are tight for a bit and then they aren't.

Or they’re tight at different stages, but you’ll figure it out. Definitely don’t overthink- you’ll drive yourself crazy.

[Anonymous]

You are fine, OP. But the reality is that you have a kid because you want one. After that, you make life choices based on your present circumstances, which you should 100% expect to change in unknown ways.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm reading this from the other end of the journey. My only child, who I gave birth to at 28, just finished high school and is going to college (whatever that looks like) in the fall.

We moved to and settled in DC not really having a clue what we were in for. We were idealistic folks working in the nonprofit sector for beans.

Throw in a divorce and a decade and a half of coparenting and some real years of very iffy financial insecurity and a remarriage on top of that.

Would I opt not to do it knowing what I know now? No, of course not. Our kid is the best thing that happened to either one of us. But life may throw you some curveballs. Planning is smart. Thinking through things is smart. But if you really truly in your heart want to parent, do it.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just have one child? Then less money, less stress to rush so you can get out a second child post first child’s daycare?

[Anonymous]

If you need to ask you can't afford.

[Anonymous]

You're on the right track here. For reference from another mother in the TKPK/SS area- we used an AMAZING woman's in home daycare off Piney Branch Rd. and she was $250/week. She was totally incredible. At 3 we switched to a preschool which is $1500/month.

You could find a house in Silver Spring with a PITI of $1500, but it will depend on how much you can put down. If you can only do 5% or so, you may be looking at a very small fixer upper. If you can put down 20%, you can find lots of perfectly fine houses for around $500K (although people in DCUM will tell you the public schools are bad but do your own research on that and take it with a grain of salt because there are MANY families with two working professional parents who live in my neighborhood and are sending their kids to public schools and are not concerned about it.

[Anonymous]

How are you going to find a house for $1500 a month? Do you plan on a huge down payment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're on the right track here. For reference from another mother in the TKPK/SS area- we used an AMAZING woman's in home daycare off Piney Branch Rd. and she was $250/week. She was totally incredible. At 3 we switched to a preschool which is $1500/month.

You could find a house in Silver Spring with a PITI of $1500, but it will depend on how much you can put down. If you can only do 5% or so, you may be looking at a very small fixer upper. If you can put down 20%, you can find lots of perfectly fine houses for around $500K (although people in DCUM will tell you the public schools are bad but do your own research on that and take it with a grain of salt because there are MANY families with two working professional parents who live in my neighborhood and are sending their kids to public schools and are not concerned about it.

You cannot find a house with a $1500 PITI except i you put close to half down At $400-500K, your PITI will be at least $2K with a good interest rate. They have plenty of income if they use it right to have a child ro two. Our $360 house with 20% down was $2k.

[Anonymous]

Who’s paying $600 for diapers?
I pay $1200 for an in home daycare for a toddler. A center will be more expensive. Budget around $2-2.5k per month for daycare.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP who suggested putting the cost of childcare into a savings account every month.

We did this while I was pregnant, and it funded our (unpaid) parental leave.

[Anonymous]

There are cheaper daycare options. I paid $1300/month for in-home daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who’s paying $600 for diapers?
I pay $1200 for an in home daycare for a toddler. A center will be more expensive. Budget around $2-2.5k per month for daycare.

I also pay about 1200 for an in-home daycare, paid that as an infant and now toddler. Just wanted to provide that because from your op it sounds like you’re thinking of moving farther out in MD, so home daycare would likely be a great option for you and you could likely find a similar price (maybe a little more, mine is on the low end). The prices people are giving you are accurate for dc and center care, but there are more affordable options. We have loved being in a home daycare, much more than the center we started in so it’s not because it’s a lesser option in my opinion.

And like others have said, I completely understand the angst but you are definitely overthinking. A few things - your income will likely go up over the next few years. When we had my son (now two) we truly could barely imagine how we would ever pay for two daycares and have a second. Seemed impossible. But even over the last few years there have been raises, we refinanced our mortgage, etc. Now I’m pregnant with our second and a second daycare cost is overwhelming but I know we can figure it out just like the first. Things shift when you have a kid and you aren’t spending money in other places you are now. And infants themselves are really not that expensive. Even if you have to do formula. I had trouble breastfeeding and had to stop after a few months.i didn’t want to because of the cost everyone warned me about. Turns out Costco formula is pretty darn affordable and not terribly more than a couple of the dinners out we used to do a month that we no longer did!

You guys sound like you’re preparing really well and are in a great spot. We were similar ages and incomes at the time and didn’t wait, so you’re going to be good either way I think. Also remember that you don’t have to provide the perfect environment for your child. You need to provide them a loving home where they feel secure, stable, and most importantly deeply loved and adored. While it feels to you like it was your parents income that made that lacking, I think it was probably more of your parents emotional response to all of that etc. You (and your partner) will be the most essential and important thing for that child - your love, your attention, your presence and letting them know you got this and you guys are making it as a family. Nothing else is as important - not school choice or anything else. I would recommend maybe taking some time to talk to a therapist in this next year or two as you’re prepping. More than financial prep, more important will be prepping yourself emotionally to let go of some of the things from your childhood and create your own confident narrative for the family you want.

Definitely don’t worry about things like diapers. Save now what you can and then make the leap. Things will never be perfectly set up.

[Anonymous]

You’re young and have plenty of time for your salaries to go up. I am not a fan of daycare or a fan of using childcare for more than 30 hours a week, so I would prioritize being in careers where you have the ability to stagger hours, or else making sure you have family support.

Also, make sure you and your DH are on the same page re: house and child responsibilities after baby. My friends and I never discussed this with our spouses. I got lucky with a very involved DH, but some of my friends did not, so they had to quit to SAH even though they really did not want to give up their career.

[Anonymous]

First lesson of parenting: nothing ever goes to plan. You make plans, life throws you curve balls, and you adapt.