Husband having suicidal thoughts

[Anonymous]

Hello, I am not sure if I am looking for advice or support. DH and I have been going through some truly tough times recently in our marriage, to the point we are considering separation. I have suspected DH of suffering from depression for a long time but he has never treated it.
Yesterday he read me a journal entry (also from yesterday) where he detailed putting our children down for a nap and hanging himself. It went into more detail. I obviously fell apart after listening to this. He said he was feeling better by that point. I did have him call his therapist (he has only been in counseling for the last month) and she assessed that she didn’t feel he was in imminent danger at that point. He has a full appointment with her today.
Where do I go from here? Has anyone had experience being married to someone like this?
This is actually the third time in our marriage that this has been brought up. I have tried to “talk him off the ledge” before but I feel like this issue is too big. It has also gotten more specific and I am terrified to come home and find him hanging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, I am not sure if I am looking for advice or support. DH and I have been going through some truly tough times recently in our marriage, to the point we are considering separation. I have suspected DH of suffering from depression for a long time but he has never treated it.
Yesterday he read me a journal entry (also from yesterday) where he detailed putting our children down for a nap and hanging himself. It went into more detail. I obviously fell apart after listening to this. He said he was feeling better by that point. I did have him call his therapist (he has only been in counseling for the last month) and she assessed that she didn’t feel he was in imminent danger at that point. He has a full appointment with her today.
Where do I go from here? Has anyone had experience being married to someone like this?
This is actually the third time in our marriage that this has been brought up. I have tried to “talk him off the ledge” before but I feel like this issue is too big. It has also gotten more specific and I am terrified to come home and find him hanging.

Thank goodness he is already connected to a therapist. You did the right thing in making sure he reached out to her. However, I'd advise you to take it a step farther and call yourself and detail what you read in the journal. It concerns me that he had not just suicidal ideation, but a written plan. That is a an escalation in terms of risk, and she needs to know that to properly assess the situation. He may or may not have disclosed that to her in his conversation. Let her know before his appointment so she can be armed with that information.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. He needs more than therapy...he needs a psychiatric workup and medication. I also highly recommend learning oolong into ketamine treatment for acute suidicidality for him if you can afford it.

For you, please get a therapist stat. It is important for you to get support for this and not develop a codependency. You are not repository for his mental health. But if he does get good treatment, you may find that it improves everything, including your marriage. If every time you make a plan to leave he threatens suicide, you may be looking at borderline personality disorder rather than depression. Just something to keep in mind. That doesn’t mean suicide is not a real risk: some BPD people complete suicide as part of acting out their push-pull drama. You are not responsible for that and I only mention it to give you permission to give yourself greater distance from him if he seems to pull out the suicide topic when he feels you pulling away. You are not responsible for him.

I wish you luck. I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, I am not sure if I am looking for advice or support. DH and I have been going through some truly tough times recently in our marriage, to the point we are considering separation. I have suspected DH of suffering from depression for a long time but he has never treated it.
Yesterday he read me a journal entry (also from yesterday) where he detailed putting our children down for a nap and hanging himself. It went into more detail. I obviously fell apart after listening to this. He said he was feeling better by that point. I did have him call his therapist (he has only been in counseling for the last month) and she assessed that she didn’t feel he was in imminent danger at that point. He has a full appointment with her today.
Where do I go from here? Has anyone had experience being married to someone like this?
This is actually the third time in our marriage that this has been brought up. I have tried to “talk him off the ledge” before but I feel like this issue is too big. It has also gotten more specific and I am terrified to come home and find him hanging.

Thank goodness he is already connected to a therapist. You did the right thing in making sure he reached out to her. However, I'd advise you to take it a step farther and call yourself and detail what you read in the journal. It concerns me that he had not just suicidal ideation, but a written plan. That is a an escalation in terms of risk, and she needs to know that to properly assess the situation. He may or may not have disclosed that to her in his conversation. Let her know before his appointment so she can be armed with that information.

You need a professional therapist too, see if you can get one..better than getting advice here! I feel for you, but want you to seek professional support who are more likely to be able to support you. You deserve and need support to, it is very difficult to be a partner in this type of situation. Best of luck

[Anonymous]

OP here. I have gotten a new therapist within the last month due to our marital issues. but my next appointment isn’t until next Friday. I feel badly calling her as an emergency when I’ve barely been in therapy.
This is so, so hard. Our kids are 1 and 3.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. Don’t hesitate to call 911 if you think he’s in immediate danger. It seems like an overreaction but it’s not. Has he ever been violent ? I’d also be worried about your and your children’s safety.

This is coming from a person whose suffered from depression and had suicidal ideation. I never ever shared my suicidal ideation with someone but I still came close a few times. If I’d had access to a gun I’d be dead for sure. I believe him showing you the journal entry was a last ditch scream for help.

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry you're going through this. Know that ages 1 and 3 kids are the toughest years and when your relationship is most like a drought.

I hope you both have excellent, supportive families as well as therapists to help you get through this.

Its also a matter of time and reminding yourself of that can sometimes take the feeling of pressure off. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need both support and advice. And you should NOT hesitate to call your brand new therapist with an emergency even though it's a new working relationship.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be totally fine to call your therapist about this. Maybe she/he can move up your appointment.

[Anonymous]

1. Psychiatrist ASAP and medication attempts. Take a photo of that journal entry.

2. I am concerned about the safety of the kids, and perhaps your own. Is there a gun in the house?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have intrusive suicidal thoughts. I find they are more a reaction to stress and - weird as it may sound - an escape fantasy more than anything else. They also are scary and become unwanted repeated intrusive thoughts. It is possible to learn to manage them. Its an anxiety/OCD thing more than anything else.

Not saying your DH is identical to me but just that there is hope on the other side.

[Anonymous]

My husband killed himself last year. He had a psychiatrist appointment scheduled for the day after.

Given what your husband wrote and read to you, it is time to take him to the ER so he can be admitted for a few days and start medication in a controlled environment. It’s shameful of his therapist to not have treated this more seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, I am not sure if I am looking for advice or support. DH and I have been going through some truly tough times recently in our marriage, to the point we are considering separation. I have suspected DH of suffering from depression for a long time but he has never treated it.
Yesterday he read me a journal entry (also from yesterday) where he detailed putting our children down for a nap and hanging himself. It went into more detail. I obviously fell apart after listening to this. He said he was feeling better by that point. I did have him call his therapist (he has only been in counseling for the last month) and she assessed that she didn’t feel he was in imminent danger at that point. He has a full appointment with her today.
Where do I go from here? Has anyone had experience being married to someone like this?
This is actually the third time in our marriage that this has been brought up. I have tried to “talk him off the ledge” before but I feel like this issue is too big. It has also gotten more specific and I am terrified to come home and find him hanging.

Did you specifically tell the therapist he was suicidal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband killed himself last year. He had a psychiatrist appointment scheduled for the day after.

Given what your husband wrote and read to you, it is time to take him to the ER so he can be admitted for a few days and start medication in a controlled environment. It’s shameful of his therapist to not have treated this more seriously.

This. ER. Take the whole situation seriously. I'm surprised his therapist did not call 911.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm concerned for you and your children as well as your husband.