Husband having suicidal thoughts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband killed himself last year. He had a psychiatrist appointment scheduled for the day after.

Given what your husband wrote and read to you, it is time to take him to the ER so he can be admitted for a few days and start medication in a controlled environment. It’s shameful of his therapist to not have treated this more seriously.

Not OP but I am so sorry to read this.

[Anonymous]

Agreed - have family member who was suicidal recently. Need psychiatrist ASAP (today) to assess safety levels, & to tell you whether ER/hospitalization is best bet. Sheppard Pratt up in Baltimore is a good place to go if you are local.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who committed suicide on Monday.

ER NOW. An over reaction is 100000 times better than an under reaction. He did his part by reaching out and sharing that intimate entry with you and an appropriate response is needed.

Also, my parents were in this exact same spot. Over 1 year my wrote 3 suicide letters and shared them with my mom. Finally, he tried (and failed, a random person found him in time and saved his life). It broke their marriage. They divorced after 42 years together. Im happy to say that my dad has been totally himself and genuinely happy for the last 10 years. He needed in patient treatment, the right mix of meds, and addressed an unknown thyroid issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need both support and advice. And you should NOT hesitate to call your brand new therapist with an emergency even though it's a new working relationship.

Call! This IS an emergency. Do not hesitate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who committed suicide on Monday.

ER NOW. An over reaction is 100000 times better than an under reaction. He did his part by reaching out and sharing that intimate entry with you and an appropriate response is needed.

Also, my parents were in this exact same spot. Over 1 year my wrote 3 suicide letters and shared them with my mom. Finally, he tried (and failed, a random person found him in time and saved his life). It broke their marriage. They divorced after 42 years together. Im happy to say that my dad has been totally himself and genuinely happy for the last 10 years. He needed in patient treatment, the right mix of meds, and addressed an unknown thyroid issue.

+1.

I’m also sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine how devastating this is and the stress and fear you must be experiencing. Try not think; just DO.

[Anonymous]

My friend's husband committed suicide last year. He "passed" with his therapist because he knew what to say. The questions are ridiculous and so easy to lie. I would be bringing him to the ER.

[Anonymous]

Medication really helps. I'm no expert, I don't know if you can involuntarily commit someone who hasn't actually harmed himself. But he needs to visit a PSYCHIATRIST tomorrow, not a therapist. Or not just a therapist. I'm living proof -- a life with less emotional pain is possible. When I went into the hospital, I actually didn't see a psychiatrist until the middle of the next day, and then only for a couple minutes. I received no medication. The hospital does, however, keep you safe.

[Anonymous]

Therapists are no good in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Some things you can do in addition to what others have said:

supervision, when someone is depressed and having suicidal ideation their brain plays tricks on them. Truly makes them think sometimes that others will be better off without them. It’s really terrible and not selfish like people sometimes say, their brain plays tricks on them. So you need to provide supervision as much as possible (personally I would not let my husband be alone in your situation and yes my husband has had suicidal ideation in the past). Basically you need to protect him from his brain that is trying to trick him by being present so he doesn’t have the chance to make an impulsive decision.

Remove the means: remove as many means to harm oneself from your home. Since he had a plan by hanging, consider and talk with him about what he thought he might use and REMOVE THOSE ITEMS IMMEDIATELY so they cannot be accessed (completely out of the home). If there is a gun in the home, remove it IMMEDIATELY. You can ask a trusted friend to hold it for you. But you need to remove easy ways to do this because again his brain is trying to trick him. If you remove means, you give yourself more time and less likelihood of impulsive and more lethal means. Remove pills and medication.

While you work with his therapist and yours, develop a safety plan together. “I know we are having an incredibly rough time together, but I need you to know tbat we need you and we want you HERE. Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon when depressed and I understand you are struggling. But your brain is trying to trick you and I want you here with us and the kids. Our lives are better with you in it no matter what happens with our marriage. Can we develop a plan Together for what you will do if you have thoughts again?” Walk through very specific steps. Also ask him what has kept him from doing it in the past? When he thoight about it; what made him stop? Use that to help make a plan together. You can also do this with his therapist which would be ideal.

Find the mental health emergency and crisis lines in your area. Google will usually come up with them. There are usually mental health crisis teams, sometimes they will come to your house. So you have someone you can access immediately if you become concerned (please call 911 if you have immediate concerns for safety, this is more for assessments and support)

I hear people saying go to the ER and don’t disagree, but you need to discuss with him and maybe see if he is willing to engage in inpatient treatment. Know that someone cannot be committed against their will unless they are an immediate threat and PLAN to do something when they leave. But ideally he would agree to treatment. I agree with meds but again you need to talk to his therapist and him.

My recommendation as someone whose husband has done this is empathize, normalize, and be present with him. Let him know he can talk to you about this - you can handle it, he doesn’t need to hide it. Yes you are scared and taking it very seriously but you understand this is the depression talking not him. You need to keep the lines of communication open.

Thinking of both you and him. Meds did wonders for my husband over time, he hasn’t had suicidal ideation for 8 years and our marriage is infinitely better than it was during that time. There is hope.

[Anonymous]

Just sending you positive thoughts OP.

I have been, and sort of remain, in your husband's shoes. It is a terrible, terrible place to be.

[Anonymous]

OP, I reiterate what the PPs said- your DH needs a psychiatric evaluation immediately. I would take him to the ER or call 911.

It’s good that he showed you what he wrote but definitely a cry for help. You all need to take this deathly seriously- because it could be a matter of life or death.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. We’re all here thinking of you. Hoping that you’re finding a way to get your husband the emergency care he needs right now. Put the kids down, have a talk with your DH and tell him you think he should go to the hospital. Don’t let him talk you out of it. And don’t forget to take care of yourself during this. So many people go through this and don’t talk about it. Tell a friend. They’ll understand. Come here and tell us and we’ll tell you you’re a hero. Because you are.

[Anonymous]

Agree. To ER. We have lost a family member to suicide and it is devastating. Good for you for getting help and recognizing that things aren’t right.

No matter what you can not control everything. So the serenity prayer helps.

Wishing you peace.

[Anonymous]

Writing down a plan worries me. I too would take him to the ER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some things you can do in addition to what others have said:

supervision, when someone is depressed and having suicidal ideation their brain plays tricks on them. Truly makes them think sometimes that others will be better off without them. It’s really terrible and not selfish like people sometimes say, their brain plays tricks on them. So you need to provide supervision as much as possible (personally I would not let my husband be alone in your situation and yes my husband has had suicidal ideation in the past). Basically you need to protect him from his brain that is trying to trick him by being present so he doesn’t have the chance to make an impulsive decision.

Remove the means: remove as many means to harm oneself from your home. Since he had a plan by hanging, consider and talk with him about what he thought he might use and REMOVE THOSE ITEMS IMMEDIATELY so they cannot be accessed (completely out of the home). If there is a gun in the home, remove it IMMEDIATELY. You can ask a trusted friend to hold it for you. But you need to remove easy ways to do this because again his brain is trying to trick him. If you remove means, you give yourself more time and less likelihood of impulsive and more lethal means. Remove pills and medication.

While you work with his therapist and yours, develop a safety plan together. “I know we are having an incredibly rough time together, but I need you to know tbat we need you and we want you HERE. Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon when depressed and I understand you are struggling. But your brain is trying to trick you and I want you here with us and the kids. Our lives are better with you in it no matter what happens with our marriage. Can we develop a plan Together for what you will do if you have thoughts again?” Walk through very specific steps. Also ask him what has kept him from doing it in the past? When he thoight about it; what made him stop? Use that to help make a plan together. You can also do this with his therapist which would be ideal.

Find the mental health emergency and crisis lines in your area. Google will usually come up with them. There are usually mental health crisis teams, sometimes they will come to your house. So you have someone you can access immediately if you become concerned (please call 911 if you have immediate concerns for safety, this is more for assessments and support)

I hear people saying go to the ER and don’t disagree, but you need to discuss with him and maybe see if he is willing to engage in inpatient treatment. Know that someone cannot be committed against their will unless they are an immediate threat and PLAN to do something when they leave. But ideally he would agree to treatment. I agree with meds but again you need to talk to his therapist and him.

My recommendation as someone whose husband has done this is empathize, normalize, and be present with him. Let him know he can talk to you about this - you can handle it, he doesn’t need to hide it. Yes you are scared and taking it very seriously but you understand this is the depression talking not him. You need to keep the lines of communication open.

Thinking of both you and him. Meds did wonders for my husband over time, he hasn’t had suicidal ideation for 8 years and our marriage is infinitely better than it was during that time. There is hope.

Remove and ropes, cords etc in the home. Consider deactivate the car. Remove guns and meds.