Wish I could find a way to enjoy this time more

[Anonymous]

I work full time at a job that is not very flexible so I rarely had the opportunity to work from home before now. Its something I always wanted in theory, but instead of enjoying the time with my kids I am mostly stressed, anxious and miserable for the most part. I think we all understand the extreme challenge of juggling a full time job, parenting, being an educator, housekeeper and chef at this point, but I really need to find more joy in all of this because it’s probably a once in a lifetime opportunity and may never happen again. I should be grateful to be spending more time with my kids, who I typically only see for 2-3 hours per day, instead of constantly thinking about the work I need to do or being annoyed they are interrupting me. I find myself counting down the hours until they go to bed and I hate that I do it. I feel irritated every time my older daughter asks me to play dolls with her, and am so bored trying to entertain my baby all day... but then I get so angry at myself for feeling this way. Maybe it would be different if I wasn’t under so much pressure at work, but man is this all complicated. I am also exhausted from staying up until midnight to get my work done, and then the baby is up at 6 and I feel resentful I don’t seem to have kids who sleep in.

Does anyone else feel this way? What do you do to stay grounded and live more in the moment vs. stress about all the other things you need to get done? I love my kids more than anything and want to give them the best of me, not the worst.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your job I guess (like how important is it?), but I would prioritize the kids. And that means prioritizing yourself, your sleep and self care, your breaks, your mental health and energy, so that you can be meet their needs and be present. There is no way to make everything work perfectly. So work can suffer (probably, idk how it is for your situation).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your job I guess (like how important is it?), but I would prioritize the kids. And that means prioritizing yourself, your sleep and self care, your breaks, your mental health and energy, so that you can be meet their needs and be present. There is no way to make everything work perfectly. So work can suffer (probably, idk how it is for your situation).

Thanks, unfortunately my job is a priority as it allows us to live the lifestyle we have built (private school, nice house, vacations, etc) but more than that I enjoy working in general and know I am not cut out to be a FT SAHM in the long run. The challenge is that in my job there is little flexibility and it’s pretty high stress, even now, despite the fact that they claim they are trying to be understanding for parents.

[Anonymous]

Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your job I guess (like how important is it?), but I would prioritize the kids. And that means prioritizing yourself, your sleep and self care, your breaks, your mental health and energy, so that you can be meet their needs and be present. There is no way to make everything work perfectly. So work can suffer (probably, idk how it is for your situation).

Thanks, unfortunately my job is a priority as it allows us to live the lifestyle we have built (private school, nice house, vacations, etc) but more than that I enjoy working in general and know I am not cut out to be a FT SAHM in the long run. The challenge is that in my job there is little flexibility and it’s pretty high stress, even now, despite the fact that they claim they are trying to be understanding for parents.

This is a great time to re-evaluate if that lifestyle is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Can you take any time off? Like a couple hours each week to just focus on the kids on the nice days, go for walks etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your job I guess (like how important is it?), but I would prioritize the kids. And that means prioritizing yourself, your sleep and self care, your breaks, your mental health and energy, so that you can be meet their needs and be present. There is no way to make everything work perfectly. So work can suffer (probably, idk how it is for your situation).

Thanks, unfortunately my job is a priority as it allows us to live the lifestyle we have built (private school, nice house, vacations, etc) but more than that I enjoy working in general and know I am not cut out to be a FT SAHM in the long run. The challenge is that in my job there is little flexibility and it’s pretty high stress, even now, despite the fact that they claim they are trying to be understanding for parents.

This is a great time to re-evaluate if that lifestyle is worth it.

Seems like OP just did? Why are you rejecting that evaluation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your job I guess (like how important is it?), but I would prioritize the kids. And that means prioritizing yourself, your sleep and self care, your breaks, your mental health and energy, so that you can be meet their needs and be present. There is no way to make everything work perfectly. So work can suffer (probably, idk how it is for your situation).

Thanks, unfortunately my job is a priority as it allows us to live the lifestyle we have built (private school, nice house, vacations, etc) but more than that I enjoy working in general and know I am not cut out to be a FT SAHM in the long run. The challenge is that in my job there is little flexibility and it’s pretty high stress, even now, despite the fact that they claim they are trying to be understanding for parents.

This is a great time to re-evaluate if that lifestyle is worth it.

Seems like OP just did? Why are you rejecting that evaluation?

DP, but probably bc OP says she wants to enjoy the time with her kids, but can't prioritize them right now bc of a stressful job. And the stress is due to wanting a certain lifestyle. OP, you can't have it all. So, if this is the lifestyle you want for yourself and your family, you just have to accept not enjoying this time and keeping work as a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

+2
It's ok for this not to be fun. We're all just trying to survive and find a few moments here and there of joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your job I guess (like how important is it?), but I would prioritize the kids. And that means prioritizing yourself, your sleep and self care, your breaks, your mental health and energy, so that you can be meet their needs and be present. There is no way to make everything work perfectly. So work can suffer (probably, idk how it is for your situation).

Thanks, unfortunately my job is a priority as it allows us to live the lifestyle we have built (private school, nice house, vacations, etc) but more than that I enjoy working in general and know I am not cut out to be a FT SAHM in the long run. The challenge is that in my job there is little flexibility and it’s pretty high stress, even now, despite the fact that they claim they are trying to be understanding for parents.

This is a great time to re-evaluate if that lifestyle is worth it.

Seems like OP just did? Why are you rejecting that evaluation?

Because she’s using it as a reason why she cannot enjoy this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

+2
It's ok for this not to be fun. We're all just trying to survive and find a few moments here and there of joy.

Seriously. And I’m a SAHM! This is not our normal and has been insanely stressful not being able to go out and do things and see friends like we normally do. Add to this that DH is an essential employee so I’m cooped up day in and day out with a 3 and 5 year old. It sucks and I’m insanely jealous of all my SAHM neighbors with husbands working from home. I’m literally the only house with an empty driveway but am thankful DH still has a job. But they seem to be really enjoying the time - playing outside together and warm fuzzy FB posts about “family time”. Meanwhile I’m outside yelling at my kids to stop fighting for the 50 th time that day, crying, hiding from my kids in the pantry and stuffing my face with chocolate. I’ve just come to realize that this situation is different for everyone and no one should guilt you (including yourself) into feeling like this is some special, enjoyable time when in fact it’s not for many.

[Anonymous]

OP, first, be kinder to yourself. I am also working a full-time job with my two little kids at home and this is hard. My husband helps a lot (some days he does more than 50%, otherwise it's pretty even), but it is still so difficult. I'm a tax lawyer and I LOVE my job. I have never considered quitting because I enjoy it so much and also the perks it provides for our lifestyle are a consideration as well, so I totally get you. However, with all the postponements and extensions (federal and all 50 states plus DC) and round after round of new legislation not to mention daily guidance coming out it has been one of the more stressful times of my career. I still love it, but it has been really hard to deal with everything else on top of work. (We normally have a nanny but are paying her to stay home now because she is in a high-risk group and we cannot ask her to sacrifice her health for us).

One of the things I have been trying to do is schedule the day so that I can give whatever I'm doing my all. There's just no way to effectively multi-task both my work and being a mom (or being a cook, cleaner, etc.). So when I'm working, I'm working, and I don't apologize for that. My husband and I schedule all the calls and meetings we have so we can try our best not to overlap but when that happens, the kids FaceTime with the nanny or grandparents. Otherwise we have blocks of the day when certain things are getting done. So I will pick an hour to do something with my kids, for example, and during that time I'm all in - no phone, no distractions. Then after that I go back to work and they can color or play in the yard or whatever. Then we'll take a break and have lunch together. Then back to work. Etc. It's not perfect, but it helps me feel less guilty about the times when I need to work.

Also, our motto around our house is to survive, not thrive. Sure, some people are living their best lives right now, and good for them. I'm trying to find joy in the little things, like the ability to have lunch with my kids and husband every day, or even the fact that I get to wear stretchy pants to work now. But I wouldn't say we are excelling at anything, nor are we going to come out of this better people. My kids miss their friends, I miss my co-workers, etc. We had an awesome and not so busy life before, so we're not one of the families loving the fact that we're not rushing around all the time, because we didn't do that before. And it's ok if you're not enjoying this. It pretty much sucks. Be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time at a job that is not very flexible so I rarely had the opportunity to work from home before now. Its something I always wanted in theory, but instead of enjoying the time with my kids I am mostly stressed, anxious and miserable for the most part. I think we all understand the extreme challenge of juggling a full time job, parenting, being an educator, housekeeper and chef at this point, but I really need to find more joy in all of this because it’s probably a once in a lifetime opportunity and may never happen again. I should be grateful to be spending more time with my kids, who I typically only see for 2-3 hours per day, instead of constantly thinking about the work I need to do or being annoyed they are interrupting me. I find myself counting down the hours until they go to bed and I hate that I do it. I feel irritated every time my older daughter asks me to play dolls with her, and am so bored trying to entertain my baby all day... but then I get so angry at myself for feeling this way. Maybe it would be different if I wasn’t under so much pressure at work, but man is this all complicated. I am also exhausted from staying up until midnight to get my work done, and then the baby is up at 6 and I feel resentful I don’t seem to have kids who sleep in.

Does anyone else feel this way? What do you do to stay grounded and live more in the moment vs. stress about all the other things you need to get done? I love my kids more than anything and want to give them the best of me, not the worst.

This isn't true, OP. There are lots of families with SAHPs (whether they stayed at home before this or got laid off). There are also people whose kids are being fully educated with their online school (my friend, whose kids are in 4th and 6th, is one example - she is a college professor but is having to do nothing for her own kids because they can do it all themselves). There are also people who are still having their housekeepers come. And there are people who are eating out every meal. So the fact that you are juggling a full-time job, being an educator, housekeeper, and chef means you are in the group of people who are having it really hard right now. Please consider that and don't compare yourself to others who have it easier. I have some friends who are enjoying this time a lot, but we are in very different situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your job I guess (like how important is it?), but I would prioritize the kids. And that means prioritizing yourself, your sleep and self care, your breaks, your mental health and energy, so that you can be meet their needs and be present. There is no way to make everything work perfectly. So work can suffer (probably, idk how it is for your situation).

Do you work, PP? Because I have a pretty stable job, as does my husband, but my company just did a round of layoffs and has issued across-the-board pay cuts and my husband's company is experiencing unprecedented and unexpected issues that are causing real concerns about maintaining payroll. So for all those people who casually suggest that work take a back seat, you must either not have a job or you have one that is bomb proof. The rest of us are seriously concerned about keeping our jobs, which is why this is so stressful.