Wish I could find a way to enjoy this time more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your job I guess (like how important is it?), but I would prioritize the kids. And that means prioritizing yourself, your sleep and self care, your breaks, your mental health and energy, so that you can be meet their needs and be present. There is no way to make everything work perfectly. So work can suffer (probably, idk how it is for your situation).

Thanks, unfortunately my job is a priority as it allows us to live the lifestyle we have built (private school, nice house, vacations, etc) but more than that I enjoy working in general and know I am not cut out to be a FT SAHM in the long run. The challenge is that in my job there is little flexibility and it’s pretty high stress, even now, despite the fact that they claim they are trying to be understanding for parents.

This is a great time to re-evaluate if that lifestyle is worth it.

Seems like OP just did? Why are you rejecting that evaluation?

DP, but probably bc OP says she wants to enjoy the time with her kids, but can't prioritize them right now bc of a stressful job. And the stress is due to wanting a certain lifestyle. OP, you can't have it all. So, if this is the lifestyle you want for yourself and your family, you just have to accept not enjoying this time and keeping work as a priority.

DP. This is so unhelpful. Many jobs are different now that they were before (and than they will be when things get back to some semblance of normalcy), so acting like this is what OP signed up for is ridiculous. My husband and I decided that we wanted to simplify and destress our lives so we moved out of DC where we had terrible commutes and a super high cost of living and are now in a lower cost of living area with much shorter commutes and a much more relaxed lifestyle. We are so happy we made the change. HOWEVER, our jobs are super stressful right now, so we did choose a certain lifestyle for ourselves that was working perfectly before all this happened. Presumably OP was happy with her life before, and now she's not. That doesn't mean she needs to "accept not enjoying this time and keeping work as a priority." Do you work? Has your job changed at all? Because your perspective sounds like one coming from someone who doesn't work or whose job somehow got easier when this happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

+2
It's ok for this not to be fun. We're all just trying to survive and find a few moments here and there of joy.

Seriously. And I’m a SAHM! This is not our normal and has been insanely stressful not being able to go out and do things and see friends like we normally do. Add to this that DH is an essential employee so I’m cooped up day in and day out with a 3 and 5 year old. It sucks and I’m insanely jealous of all my SAHM neighbors with husbands working from home. I’m literally the only house with an empty driveway but am thankful DH still has a job. But they seem to be really enjoying the time - playing outside together and warm fuzzy FB posts about “family time”. Meanwhile I’m outside yelling at my kids to stop fighting for the 50 th time that day, crying, hiding from my kids in the pantry and stuffing my face with chocolate. I’ve just come to realize that this situation is different for everyone and no one should guilt you (including yourself) into feeling like this is some special, enjoyable time when in fact it’s not for many.

Honestly, I don't know anyone who is enjoying this. Yes we have had some nice moments. But overall its been stressful and difficult working/schooling/etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

+2
It's ok for this not to be fun. We're all just trying to survive and find a few moments here and there of joy.

Seriously. And I’m a SAHM! This is not our normal and has been insanely stressful not being able to go out and do things and see friends like we normally do. Add to this that DH is an essential employee so I’m cooped up day in and day out with a 3 and 5 year old. It sucks and I’m insanely jealous of all my SAHM neighbors with husbands working from home. I’m literally the only house with an empty driveway but am thankful DH still has a job. But they seem to be really enjoying the time - playing outside together and warm fuzzy FB posts about “family time”. Meanwhile I’m outside yelling at my kids to stop fighting for the 50 th time that day, crying, hiding from my kids in the pantry and stuffing my face with chocolate. I’ve just come to realize that this situation is different for everyone and no one should guilt you (including yourself) into feeling like this is some special, enjoyable time when in fact it’s not for many.

Honestly, I don't know anyone who is enjoying this. Yes we have had some nice moments. But overall its been stressful and difficult working/schooling/etc.

My one friend told me she is living her best life. Her kids are older so they don't need really anything from her. She used to get up early to get to her job because she had a long commute but now she gets to sleep in, which she loves because she's not a morning person. Her work is secure but super easy right now so she's basically doing nothing. Her husband's job is also secure. She's basically been reading a book a day, mostly outside when the weather is nice. I AM SO JEALOUS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

+2
It's ok for this not to be fun. We're all just trying to survive and find a few moments here and there of joy.

Seriously. And I’m a SAHM! This is not our normal and has been insanely stressful not being able to go out and do things and see friends like we normally do. Add to this that DH is an essential employee so I’m cooped up day in and day out with a 3 and 5 year old. It sucks and I’m insanely jealous of all my SAHM neighbors with husbands working from home. I’m literally the only house with an empty driveway but am thankful DH still has a job. But they seem to be really enjoying the time - playing outside together and warm fuzzy FB posts about “family time”. Meanwhile I’m outside yelling at my kids to stop fighting for the 50 th time that day, crying, hiding from my kids in the pantry and stuffing my face with chocolate. I’ve just come to realize that this situation is different for everyone and no one should guilt you (including yourself) into feeling like this is some special, enjoyable time when in fact it’s not for many.

Honestly, I don't know anyone who is enjoying this. Yes we have had some nice moments. But overall its been stressful and difficult working/schooling/etc.

My one friend told me she is living her best life. Her kids are older so they don't need really anything from her. She used to get up early to get to her job because she had a long commute but now she gets to sleep in, which she loves because she's not a morning person. Her work is secure but super easy right now so she's basically doing nothing. Her husband's job is also secure. She's basically been reading a book a day, mostly outside when the weather is nice. I AM SO JEALOUS.

wow that is so not my experience. I'm a single parent - with a SN kid. School is difficult. Work is chaos. My dad is in long term care and no one has seen him since this started (and this is adding to his decline). They also have covid cases at his facility. Yeah, this is a blast.

[Anonymous]

Here's a whole thread of people loving this:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/877243.page

[Anonymous]

I work part time usually and I have been furloughed, so I’m not getting paid right now and I’m worried about the security of my job when this is over.

But I’ve been able to help my kids with their work. I’ve been able to exercise daily. I’ve been able to cook and bake. I’m still stressed but I realize I’m able to find balance.

That said, my kids are in public school, we don’t go on fancy vacations ever, And we don’t have a huge house or live in a posh neighborhood.

So you are prioritizing a fancy life by prioritizing your high pay job. You have money and security. A lot of people don’t. That’s fine, but like a pp said, you can’t have everything. So right now you aren’t enjoying life. Hopefully this will be over soon and you can get back to your fancy vacations

[Anonymous]

Where's your husband in all of this?

If you have a stressful full time job that enables you to live the lifestyle you both value, then he should step up, especially with the housekeeping, homeschooling and chef duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

+2
It's ok for this not to be fun. We're all just trying to survive and find a few moments here and there of joy.

Seriously. And I’m a SAHM! This is not our normal and has been insanely stressful not being able to go out and do things and see friends like we normally do. Add to this that DH is an essential employee so I’m cooped up day in and day out with a 3 and 5 year old. It sucks and I’m insanely jealous of all my SAHM neighbors with husbands working from home. I’m literally the only house with an empty driveway but am thankful DH still has a job. But they seem to be really enjoying the time - playing outside together and warm fuzzy FB posts about “family time”. Meanwhile I’m outside yelling at my kids to stop fighting for the 50 th time that day, crying, hiding from my kids in the pantry and stuffing my face with chocolate. I’ve just come to realize that this situation is different for everyone and no one should guilt you (including yourself) into feeling like this is some special, enjoyable time when in fact it’s not for many.

If you really think not being able to go out to music class and see your friends is “insanely stressful” then you have not experienced true stress. FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

+2
It's ok for this not to be fun. We're all just trying to survive and find a few moments here and there of joy.

Seriously. And I’m a SAHM! This is not our normal and has been insanely stressful not being able to go out and do things and see friends like we normally do. Add to this that DH is an essential employee so I’m cooped up day in and day out with a 3 and 5 year old. It sucks and I’m insanely jealous of all my SAHM neighbors with husbands working from home. I’m literally the only house with an empty driveway but am thankful DH still has a job. But they seem to be really enjoying the time - playing outside together and warm fuzzy FB posts about “family time”. Meanwhile I’m outside yelling at my kids to stop fighting for the 50 th time that day, crying, hiding from my kids in the pantry and stuffing my face with chocolate. I’ve just come to realize that this situation is different for everyone and no one should guilt you (including yourself) into feeling like this is some special, enjoyable time when in fact it’s not for many.

If you really think not being able to go out to music class and see your friends is “insanely stressful” then you have not experienced true stress. FFS.

NP. Lay off. It's not a stress Olympics. I think EVERYONE is stressed at these times. Yes, maybe this particular family is not in as much stress as a single parent who is now laid off and looking for free meals. But that's not what this mom is saying, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

+2
It's ok for this not to be fun. We're all just trying to survive and find a few moments here and there of joy.

Seriously. And I’m a SAHM! This is not our normal and has been insanely stressful not being able to go out and do things and see friends like we normally do. Add to this that DH is an essential employee so I’m cooped up day in and day out with a 3 and 5 year old. It sucks and I’m insanely jealous of all my SAHM neighbors with husbands working from home. I’m literally the only house with an empty driveway but am thankful DH still has a job. But they seem to be really enjoying the time - playing outside together and warm fuzzy FB posts about “family time”. Meanwhile I’m outside yelling at my kids to stop fighting for the 50 th time that day, crying, hiding from my kids in the pantry and stuffing my face with chocolate. I’ve just come to realize that this situation is different for everyone and no one should guilt you (including yourself) into feeling like this is some special, enjoyable time when in fact it’s not for many.

If you really think not being able to go out to music class and see your friends is “insanely stressful” then you have not experienced true stress. FFS.

NP. Lay off. It's not a stress Olympics. I think EVERYONE is stressed at these times. Yes, maybe this particular family is not in as much stress as a single parent who is now laid off and looking for free meals. But that's not what this mom is saying, at all.

+1. People are entitled to their feelings.

[Anonymous]

One of my goals too is to show work how well teleworking goes. My management HATES telework. But I've noticed an overall uptick in productivity.

DH is only working part time now and I work 10 hour days so I'm off Fridays (when he goes to work). So that's how we're getting it done. But even still, I feel like I spend more time with my kids now. We spend time in the morning together before 8am, eat lunch hour together and then play after work.

The house, though, is absolutely destroyed. I mean it might never recover. The walls have black marks everywhere (need repainted now! magic eraser didn't even work), there's play doh in my carpet, every surface and wall needs a good scrub with bleach, paint on the blinds, toys destroyed, toilet clogged with a whole roll of TP, puzzle pieces everywhere, they spilled an entire bowl of chili on my kitchen rug and I can't get that stain out so I'm pretty sure that rug is ruined. Everything is just one hot disaster. But kids are reasonably happy and my work gets done, so there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up about not enjoying a situation that is, objectively, not enjoyable.

+1

It's a shitshow. I understand many here are enjoying it. Perhaps they have some combination of an easy-to-manage job, a not-busy spouse, and kids without high needs. I have none of those things, so for me, this is a nightmare.

+2
It's ok for this not to be fun. We're all just trying to survive and find a few moments here and there of joy.

Seriously. And I’m a SAHM! This is not our normal and has been insanely stressful not being able to go out and do things and see friends like we normally do. Add to this that DH is an essential employee so I’m cooped up day in and day out with a 3 and 5 year old. It sucks and I’m insanely jealous of all my SAHM neighbors with husbands working from home. I’m literally the only house with an empty driveway but am thankful DH still has a job. But they seem to be really enjoying the time - playing outside together and warm fuzzy FB posts about “family time”. Meanwhile I’m outside yelling at my kids to stop fighting for the 50 th time that day, crying, hiding from my kids in the pantry and stuffing my face with chocolate. I’ve just come to realize that this situation is different for everyone and no one should guilt you (including yourself) into feeling like this is some special, enjoyable time when in fact it’s not for many.

Honestly, I don't know anyone who is enjoying this. Yes we have had some nice moments. But overall its been stressful and difficult working/schooling/etc.

My one friend told me she is living her best life. Her kids are older so they don't need really anything from her. She used to get up early to get to her job because she had a long commute but now she gets to sleep in, which she loves because she's not a morning person. Her work is secure but super easy right now so she's basically doing nothing. Her husband's job is also secure. She's basically been reading a book a day, mostly outside when the weather is nice. I AM SO JEALOUS.

Yep. People who have secure jobs, without kids are living their best lives.

My best friend is being paid to not work (no telework even!), no kids. She basically does hobbies, netflix, gardens and organizes her house. She sleeps a lot and has zoom parties at night. I'm incredibly jealous. I had to stop thinking about it because it makes me hate my wild, dirty life right now.

[Anonymous]

Both I & husband work from 8am to 5pm, sometimes 6pm at work. We don't have office, so both of us work at dining table whole 2 kids (1 year old & 4 year old) hang around everywhere from kitchen to dining room to living room to bathroom. It is a small place. 1 year old crawl & walk everywhere (except bathroom), and one good thing is i don't worry she will eat random things from the floor (her personality). Husband do conferences all the time, and I yell at kids once in a while. We barely survive, and I can't wait till I put them to bed at the end of day. They both sleep like a baby in their room from 8pm/9pm till 7am/8am next day. I don't enjoy working from home, and we give 4 year old TV a few hours a day, and I try to do a little something with them at home work hours. Sometimes, I just hold baby & work at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both I & husband work from 8am to 5pm, sometimes 6pm at work. We don't have office, so both of us work at dining table whole 2 kids (1 year old & 4 year old) hang around everywhere from kitchen to dining room to living room to bathroom. It is a small place. 1 year old crawl & walk everywhere (except bathroom), and one good thing is i don't worry she will eat random things from the floor (her personality). Husband do conferences all the time, and I yell at kids once in a while. We barely survive, and I can't wait till I put them to bed at the end of day. They both sleep like a baby in their room from 8pm/9pm till 7am/8am next day. I don't enjoy working from home, and we give 4 year old TV a few hours a day, and I try to do a little something with them at home work hours. Sometimes, I just hold baby & work at the same time.

I meant we work at home.