I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's

[Anonymous]

When COVID restrictions began about a month ago, my IL's said they wanted to have a zoom call with their three kids and their respective spouses. All three kids live not local to IL's (between 4-6 hour drive). The few of these calls went similarly to how our in-person interactions go; IL's ask minimal questions about us, and spend most of their time talking about what they're doing/the news/something else irrelevant. They now want to make these calls a regular thing, and I frankly just don't want to. I don't want to spend the time with these people who aren't going to ask us anything about our lives and what is going on. We never spend this much time talking with them before COVID, and I don't see why we have to now.

[Anonymous]

Let your spouse and kids participate and you can drift off and do something else as you had other plans.

Don't be a wet blanket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your spouse and kids participate and you can drift off and do something else as you had other plans.

Don't be a wet blanket.

Or a petty POS. Grow up, op. “These people” are your kids family. Set an example as an adult.

[Anonymous]

People are afraid of dying. The grandparents want to "see" the grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your spouse and kids participate and you can drift off and do something else as you had other plans.

Don't be a wet blanket.

Or a petty POS. Grow up, op. “These people” are your kids family. Set an example as an adult.

Oh no, they're also on DCUM...

[Anonymous]

If this were my IL's, I'd appear for the start of the call if I was free, and then I'd just get up and start doing other stuff. I don't understand why you think you have to be there the whole time?

[Anonymous]

We are all *almost* captive audiences. It’s difficult to refuse a distance socialization if everyone is stuck inside with nowhere to go.

So find housework to do at that time. Smile brightly, say hi in passing with a load of laundry, walk the dog, come back, make a comment on what they just said, start dinner, return to say goodbye. Let your husband try to get the kids to sit still and listen (fat chance).

That’s what I would do...

[Anonymous]

Just do the call. Like others mentioned- you can step away during it. These are trying times and people need some social interaction- especially with family.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to be in the room for the call. Say hello to everyone when the call stops, leave the room when you get bored. If they're not paying attention to you they won't miss you. You could be in the bathroom for all they know.

We try to have calls with the ILs a couple of times a week and they mostly want to see the baby. I'm not trying to avoid them but I was cooking during one and I heard them ask where I was, DH told them, and ... that was it! Nobody can drag you into your living room from a distance OP.

[Anonymous]

OMG, how hard is it to chat with your ILs for a few minutes once a week? I don't get it. (And before you judge me, my ILs LIVE with me and I see them for hours every day. My spouse gladly participates in Zoom/FaceTime meetings with my family.)

[Anonymous]

Are there kids involved? If not, it's harder to get out of. Personally, I'd sit out the first half of the call. Have something "come up" like another phone call with a friend right before the start time. Then come in and say hello while they are winding down. If it goes on for too long, get up again and go do chores or something.

I barely like talking on the phone with my own family, I'd never sit court for my inlaws. I let my DH take the lead for video calls, he shows them the kids and I chime in here or there but only really talk very little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to be in the room for the call. Say hello to everyone when the call starts, leave the room when you get bored. If they're not paying attention to you they won't miss you. You could be in the bathroom for all they know.

We try to have calls with the ILs a couple of times a week and they mostly want to see the baby. I'm not trying to avoid them but I was cooking during one and I heard them ask where I was, DH told them, and ... that was it! Nobody can drag you into your living room from a distance OP.

oops

[Anonymous]

This is OP. We don't have kids. In past weeks, I've done what others suggested by being on the call at the start and then dropping off to do laundry/walk the dog, etc. The issue is that the other SO's are on the call for the whole time. Last week, I had told husband I wanted to sit it out, so he told them I wasn't feeling well, to which apparently IL's were worried that I was gravely ill. Also, while I don't think DH would ever admit it to me, I think he feels jealous that his sibling's spouses are on this call, and I'm sitting it out.

[Anonymous]

Do you get to do exclusively the things you want to do in life? No. Just do it and stop whining about it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We don't have kids. In past weeks, I've done what others suggested by being on the call at the start and then dropping off to do laundry/walk the dog, etc. The issue is that the other SO's are on the call for the whole time. Last week, I had told husband I wanted to sit it out, so he told them I wasn't feeling well, to which apparently IL's were worried that I was gravely ill. Also, while I don't think DH would ever admit it to me, I think he feels jealous that his sibling's spouses are on this call, and I'm sitting it out.

So? None of this matters, OP. You don’t need to do what other SOs are doing.