I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We don't have kids. In past weeks, I've done what others suggested by being on the call at the start and then dropping off to do laundry/walk the dog, etc. The issue is that the other SO's are on the call for the whole time. Last week, I had told husband I wanted to sit it out, so he told them I wasn't feeling well, to which apparently IL's were worried that I was gravely ill. Also, while I don't think DH would ever admit it to me, I think he feels jealous that his sibling's spouses are on this call, and I'm sitting it out.

Be a better spouse to your DH and participate in the calls, then. Is it really that hard for you to experience a bit of boredom?

You don't come across well in this thread, OP. Be a decent person and do the damn call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We don't have kids. In past weeks, I've done what others suggested by being on the call at the start and then dropping off to do laundry/walk the dog, etc. The issue is that the other SO's are on the call for the whole time. Last week, I had told husband I wanted to sit it out, so he told them I wasn't feeling well, to which apparently IL's were worried that I was gravely ill. Also, while I don't think DH would ever admit it to me, I think he feels jealous that his sibling's spouses are on this call, and I'm sitting it out.

Be a better spouse to your DH and participate in the calls, then. Is it really that hard for you to experience a bit of boredom?

You don't come across well in this thread, OP. Be a decent person and do the damn call.

Yeah, I gotta agree with PP. You don’t have kids, you surely have time to do this for your spouse. So what if they just want to talk about themselves? They are probably scared and want to connect with family. Suck it up OP, this is part of what being married is about.

[Anonymous]

How hard is it to sit in front of a screen for a few minutes once a week?

Just do it. Since they just talk, all you have to do is occasionally nod and smile.

Stop asking your DH to lie and make excuses for you.

[Anonymous]

My spouse does these and I don’t participate - I hate zoom. Similarly, he does not have to participate in calls with my mom. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Why do you have to wait for someone to ask you questions rather than jumping in to participate? I mean, it's not like a zoom call has a moderator. I agree with the others who say if you have no kids, it's hard to imagine why you can't do this for your husband and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse does these and I don’t participate - I hate zoom. Similarly, he does not have to participate in calls with my mom. You do you.

I don’t participate in my spouse’s family’s Zoom happy hours or group chats either. Some spouses participate, some don’t. I don’t think they really miss me.

[Anonymous]

Op - then don't participate in weekly Zoom calls with ILs.

[Anonymous]

^ PP again. But 5 or 10 minutes isn't going to kill you

I think you're kind of a sucky relative if you can't do 5 or 10 minutes in exchange for improving your relationships with others

[Anonymous]

How long are the calls?
Can you put a book on your lap or knit or something during them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse does these and I don’t participate - I hate zoom. Similarly, he does not have to participate in calls with my mom. You do you.

I don’t participate in my spouse’s family’s Zoom happy hours or group chats either. Some spouses participate, some don’t. I don’t think they really miss me.

Same here. Does he communicate with your parents; Call them, write thank you notes, bday cards? Just trying to get a feel for the give and take in the marriage. I guess I’m suspicious of outdated stereotypes and sexism if it’s only you communicating with both sets of parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your spouse and kids participate and you can drift off and do something else as you had other plans.

Don't be a wet blanket.

Or a petty POS. Grow up, op. “These people” are your kids family. Set an example as an adult.

So what? “These people” sound very self absorbed. Not everyone wants to hear about every little thing your kid does. Also, they don’t ever inquire about op’s life. How self absorbed and rude. I would avoid the call with them also op. Yuck!

[Anonymous]

These in-laws sound very needy and annoying. So what if another adult does not want to participate in your weekly phone calls. They sound controlling. Avoid them op.

[Anonymous]

DH has a regular video call with his parents, and in theory including young DD although she usually is doing her own thing. I make myself scarce. There are plenty of valid things I could be doing, including calling my own parents, but I've never felt I needed to offer an excuse.

I've had a weekly call with my parents for decades and never expected DH to participate. Covid doesn't change that.

[Anonymous]

I think 5 minutes to say hi and chit chat is reasonable. Then excuse yourself to do something else.

Though I am currently in a fight with DH because I didn't want to participate in DAILY zoom calls with his mom and family. Dropping in to say hi wasn't enough, I was rude because I didn't want to stay on the whole time. Also, looking elsewhere or doing something else while being on was rude. Never mind that I work and we have two kids to school, and therefore a million things to catch up on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 5 minutes to say hi and chit chat is reasonable. Then excuse yourself to do something else.

Though I am currently in a fight with DH because I didn't want to participate in DAILY zoom calls with his mom and family. Dropping in to say hi wasn't enough, I was rude because I didn't want to stay on the whole time. Also, looking elsewhere or doing something else while being on was rude. Never mind that I work and we have two kids to school, and therefore a million things to catch up on.

Been there, done that. If they don't like the gift of your presence, maybe they'll like the gift of your absence. But if they're like my ILs, you will never win. In solidarity, sister!