Will my friend ever be able to move pass this?

[Anonymous]

My friend’s child got into a prestigious university. We were very happy for her DD. However, my friend has posted on FB at least 50x that 1) her DD is devastated that the fall semester might be online and 2) my friend feels the university has cheated them of the classic freshman experience. Sometimes she has posted twice a day about this. I’m starting to feel sympathetic for the girl who might be stuck at home with a Momzilla. Is she going to get past this or do I need to change my FB settings to ignore her for the foreseeable future?

[Anonymous]

Past. The word you want is past.

[Anonymous]

I would make a note on your mental, or physical calendar to look again in 2 months. You need a break. She needs, don't know what she needs, but you can't give it to her. Let some time pass. The advantage of actually scheduling when you will pay attention again, is then you can forget it and it won't be on your mind every time she posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Past. The word you want is past.

Yes, you are correct. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Past. The word you want is past.

She said past in her post. Clearly the title was an autocorrect.
Hope you sleep well tonight having pointed that out, jacka$$.

On a separate note, sounds like the mom is living through her daughter. I’d bet the daughter doesn’t care half as much as the mom does.

You definitely need to block her for a while.

[Anonymous]

Ignore those posts. How embarrassing for this mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make a note on your mental, or physical calendar to look again in 2 months. You need a break. She needs, don't know what she needs, but you can't give it to her. Let some time pass. The advantage of actually scheduling when you will pay attention again, is then you can forget it and it won't be on your mind every time she posts.

Thanks. I hope two months is enough. I want my friend back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Past. The word you want is past.

She said past in her post. Clearly the title was an autocorrect.
Hope you sleep well tonight having pointed that out, jacka$$.

On a separate note, sounds like the mom is living through her daughter. I’d bet the daughter doesn’t care half as much as the mom does.

You definitely need to block her for a while.

That is my guess, too.

[Anonymous]

She will. Parenting a senior in a normal year is an emotional roller coaster. Then came COVID. There are a lot of strong feeling tied up in having your kid graduate and start college— officially make the transition from kid who lives in your house and for whom you are responsible to kid you might go for months without seeing and may or may not consult you on major decisions (that don’t involve your checkbook anyway).

I’m a senior mom have been a bit of an emotional mess this year, crying the last time my kid marched with band this fall, for example. Just like kids, parents have set ideas about these milestones and transitions. And most senior parents I know are struggling in one way or another. There has been no senior closure. There is so much uncertainty about if and when and how kids can start the next stage of their life. It’s emotionally exhausting.

As it turns out, I really hope my kid gets to start college in person and not online. But I know it will be fine if moving on campus is delayed a semester. It’s not ideal If his first semester classes are online, but he’ll get to campus eventually. But missing the graduation ceremony? For reasons specific to our family, that was a really big deal in my mind and it’s really upsetting me that I probably won’t get to see him march with his class. I’m just self aware not to post about it on FB 24/7 (Crying when no one else is around, OTOH...). Apparently your friend has been looking forward to helping her kid move on campus, shop for and set up a dorm, etc.

All of which is to say... cut us senior mamas some slack. Seniors are transitioning into being adults. So their moms are transitioning into parenting adults. And COVID, social isolation, lack of normal supports and rituals, and all the uncertainties surrounding the class of 2020 graduating and starting college makes it so much harder. And some people do better than others With uncertainty.

Try to be sympathetic, and re-jigger your FB setting to see her posts less often for a month or two. Once she knows what the fall plan is, and has some time to process, she’ll calm down.

These are not normal times. We all need to recognize people are coping in dofferent way.

[Anonymous]

I love using the option to hide people for 30 days. I use it and don't feel even an ounce of guilt.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I hope two months is enough. I want my friend back

OP, I'm that poster who suggested 2 months, to schedule it. You need to practice disengagement, for the sake of your friendship. You want your friendship to last, so sometimes you have to accept/enforce a different rhythm. If you ruminate on ... gee, I wonder how she'll be in 2 months ... gee, what if she can't get through this ... you fail at the exercise. You fail at scheduling it and forgetting it.

[Anonymous]

PP again, and there's nothing magical about 2 months, I just gave that as an example. It can be any amount of time BUT you have to decide -when- YOU will engage again. You decide.

[Anonymous]

You need to go a 30 day snooze on your friend. She has the right to be upset, but I would also find that annoying. Everyone has their own cross to bear no one gets to excessively complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love using the option to hide people for 30 days. I use it and don't feel even an ounce of guilt.

Same. I use it all the time.

[Anonymous]

It’s very upsetting. Freshman year I’d important. All the years are. Not to mention expensive. It takes willpower to not be upset.