SAHM struggles

[Anonymous]

I had to quit my teaching job a few years ago due to the needs of one of our children. I am a huge introvert, and being ‘on’ for our 3 young boys all day is getting to me. I read about other working parents being flexible... but my DH sequesters himself in our room working from 8:30-6. He overheard me complaining to one of my friends and got pissed. Is it really so awful that I would like to see another adult during the day? He doesn’t come down for lunch or dinner. And by the time he does, I’m starting baths and then bedtime routines. Our oldest has been going to bed around 8:30... and by then I am just done. Beyond exhausted and overwhelmed with literally zero time to even think my own thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Tell your husband you get two 15 minute coffee breaks and a 1 hour lunch break a day and he’s in charge of the kids.

Honestly, you just need to have an honest conversation. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to interact with you and his kids during the day.

[Anonymous]

He works to support you.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t wives respect that men are working when they telework?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your husband you get two 15 minute coffee breaks and a 1 hour lunch break a day and he’s in charge of the kids.

Honestly, you just need to have an honest conversation. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to interact with you and his kids during the day.

I don’t see how he can do that do his job.

My DD telecommutes and she gets a 30 min lunch and no breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your husband you get two 15 minute coffee breaks and a 1 hour lunch break a day and he’s in charge of the kids.

Honestly, you just need to have an honest conversation. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to interact with you and his kids during the day.

This sounds reasonable. Tell him you will now be leaving at lunchtime and he needs to come eat lunch with the boys

[Anonymous]

It has been somewhat of an issue for me even though my kids are grown.

My DH is in conference calls all day. Due to just some idiocyncracies of our wifi...the connectivity is the best in our formal dining room, so he is set up there. He wants absolute silence in the house from 8:30 am to 7 pm. It is hard to even run the vacuum or cook something.

He was scheduling his meetings back to back a week ago. TBH there was a lot of firestorms at work, so I understand. I had to tell him to bake 30 minutes of free time between meetings or his team will be absolutely stressed. He has calmed down a bit since that.

You will find your new normal soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your husband you get two 15 minute coffee breaks and a 1 hour lunch break a day and he’s in charge of the kids.

Honestly, you just need to have an honest conversation. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to interact with you and his kids during the day.

I don’t see how he can do that do his job.

My DD telecommutes and she gets a 30 min lunch and no breaks.

Well her husband isn’t even taking a 30 minute lunch. But, really, people who telework take breaks, just like they do in an office.

[Anonymous]

My DH is the same way. He goes into his office at 8:30 and comes out at 6:30, which is much less time than he is usually gone from the house, but it feelss sex endless. I do work, but for myself, and could have kept working remotely, but I had to tell my clients that I would not be able to do anything until school was back in session because I have no coverage for my three kids. He doesn’t even come out to eat with us. I know he works hard but I wish he understood that I could use a hand a few times a day, just eat lunch with them so I can get organized for the afternoon or something.

[Anonymous]

Look, I know you’re stressed... but this is coming across as SAHM doesn’t like doing the “mom” part.

[Anonymous]

I have been through something like this.

What worked for us was for me to tell him what time we were going to have lunch and dinner, and then to have a meal prepared.

[Anonymous]

I assume at least some of kids are usually in school, thus your job is harder than usual. My question is - what did you do when they weren’t in K yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your husband you get two 15 minute coffee breaks and a 1 hour lunch break a day and he’s in charge of the kids.

Honestly, you just need to have an honest conversation. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to interact with you and his kids during the day.

This.

Put a show on for the kids and have sex during one of his coffee breaks, and have something hot (even if it’s a can of soup) ready for lunch. I guarantee that he will make time.

[Anonymous]

You are not wrong at all, OP. You have a right to complain. I am betting your dh has never been solely responsible for his kids with no adult interaction for day after day, has he? It is isolating and stressful.

Some of my friends are consultants and have been laid off, some are SAHMs. We set up coffee breaks where we set the kids up to do their thing and we pretend like we are meeting for coffee and either talk on the phone or do google hangouts or even zoom meetings. This helps so much.

But my dh is working from home and he comes out to have lunch with the kids and me, and he comes in for dinner to have dinner with us. And then he hangs out with us after dinner if we watch something, play a game, or whatever together. Sometimes we all go off and do our own thing separately.

You need to talk to your husband and find out why he is so stressed out. Frankly he is pretty dang lucky now to have a SAHP who can manage the kids while he works during this. Imagine if you were a doctor and he had to actively watch the kids while you go to your shift? Imagine if you were having telecons too and you guys had to trade off who was working and who was taking care of the kids?

He should be eating lunch and dinner with his family instead of hiding out in his office. He should be helping with the evening routine.

Talk to him about why he is stressed. Listen to what he says and work this out with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume at least some of kids are usually in school, thus your job is harder than usual. My question is - what did you do when they weren’t in K yet?

Not the OP, but when I was a SAHM of preschoolers, we went to story hours and to museums and to the playground. The kids got a change of scenery and I got adult contact. We were not cooped up in the house 24 hours a day.