Any Other Working FT Moms Now also the Default Parent During the Day

[Anonymous]

I work FT (now at home as a result of the virus). I make as much of more (some years significantly more) than DH depending on the year. Our Nanny is quarantined and DH seems to think it’s perfectly fine to lock himself in the office and have me deal with the kids. I have explained this is not feasible but he is not responsive. I literally put conference calls on mute while I juggle lunch for the kids and helping them. Am I the only one facing this? Normally, our Nanny picks up DH’s slack (and he is more than willing to admit it and pay for her) but that isn’t possible at the moment.

[Anonymous]

yep, exactly. it's the same bullcrap as always.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t the nanny come?

[Anonymous]

Yep. I took my kids to the (empty) office with me all day yesterday and we got home hours after my husband. He hasn’t even bothered to make dinner.

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post. The only difference is that I make half of DH’s salary, and it makes me feel like I can’t complain. My DH also behaves disrespectfully towards my work: barges into my room during meetings to ask me to get him something he’s perfectly capable of finding himself. I end up doing the bulk of work after kids are in bed.

[Anonymous]

This has been our situation since #1 came 17 years ago. I've always been the default parent.

[Anonymous]

We're divorced and I'm still expected to be the default parent and watch the kids on days he has custody. I refuse to, but the pressure is there.

[Anonymous]

Yes - we share an office and the kids come in while I am on a call saying Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom .... he knows I am on a call and does NOTHING!

[Anonymous]

Single mom here so yes. Three kids but I already worked from home so didn’t have to make that transition. I’m grateful my kids are old enough (10-13) to not be very needy

[Anonymous]

Yep. Both default parent and breadwinner here too.

DH is amazing with the kids but I am expected to find activities (for him to do with them), figure who can work when, etc.

[Anonymous]

Yep...

[Anonymous]

After being default parent for a loooong time, I am taking a stand and just not doing things. He’s unhappy about it Kids are not doing any of the many enrichment activities people keep emailing around. That’s life.

[Anonymous]

Your husbands suck and/or have figured that benefit-cost ratio is favorable to them. Make it more costly for him to not help. It will hurt in the short run, but might be ok in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here so yes. Three kids but I already worked from home so didn’t have to make that transition. I’m grateful my kids are old enough (10-13) to not be very needy

I think for single moms everyone assumes you’re the default parent.

[Anonymous]

Why did you have kids with him?